A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I dont know how to really put this but im male, 17, rather intelligent and not the worst looking but not the best :Sbasically my childhood sucked. i used to live with my great grandmother and my brother. my great grandma died and me and my brother were alone, he moved on and doesnt keep in contact, then i moved in with my grandma 9 years ago. all i can remember from my childhood is been sat under the table depressed crying etc..school life was ok, had some so called friends, but never really socialised with the girls, (maybe i didnt have the confidence?) but i call these friends *so called* because a few weeks after school they just decided to ditch me and tell me how they really feel. since then i have not kept in contact with them. im stuck in a job i hate with NO prospects at all, everyone tries to patronise me and intimidate me everywhere i go. i have no real friends to relate to, nor family and all i do all day is sit thinking what could have been. basically what im asking is what do i do???nothing goes my way, theres nothing to live for for me. cant afford a fresh start somewhere else, nobody to talk to about these problems and i have nowhere to turn.someone please give me some advice!?im sorry if this hasnt made much sense. but thanks for your time.
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (19 July 2010):
You may have been dealt a poor hand in life in some ways but the important thing is to accept that the past cannot be changed but on the other hand you CAN influence your future : ie you do have options.
Particularly if you are intelligent why not think about going to university to study some subject/s which really interest/s you ? Not str8 away but after a gap of a year or two during which you could save some cash ?
Secondly you sound as if some psychotherapy might help : tell all to your GP and ask to be referred to a Counsellor.
Thirdly force yourself to join a couple of interest groups - whether for a language study, or cycling or some other sport or church or whatever - it doesn't matter : what matters is you have to force yourself to meet some new people in a social context. Even if none of them become particular friends it will stop u becoming more isolated than you already are.
Do some or all of the above and report back on yr findings !
PS - force yourself - yes! it's called acting ! - to smile all day long. I read somewhere that it can have a reverse effect - ie it can make yr brain feel happy !
A
female
reader, RichTea +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Hey,It sounds like yuh hav been through alot. It will be very difficult for yuh to start a fresh if yuh hav no idea of what yuh want t do. Yuh say yuh are intelligant so im guessin yuh have good grades. This is always goox as it wil make it easier to get a job. Yuh say yuh live with yur grandma, well what does she think. She might be able to give yuh some advice.Everyone experiences different childhoods but yuh shuld not let it ruin the rest of yur life. Why not get a job yuh will enjoy and dont let ppl patronize yuh. Be confident about who yuh are. If yuh are short on cash there are ways to earn extra money. If yuh are good at writing and there is some topic in tbe news, write an article about it. I write stories and send them into magazines. None have been accepted yet but its all about learning and improving.Yuh can learn from anything, its just about looking in the right places.Good luck. If yuh need more help do let me knw :)and remember.. yuh use more muscles frowning so why not give a smile to someone. You never knw it might just make their day.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Hiya Sweetheart, You are in the same place many people have been, at the bottom, and the only way is up. First up, and i know this sounds harsh, is kick yourself up the arse, there is no future in history, so stop looking back, those bad times have been and gone, and yes they do dictate to the way we behave sometimes, but it doesnt' have to be so, and they have no place in your future.There are many ways forward, and there are many places to help, if your prepared to gut out of this rut, physically and mentally.You need to visit citizen advice, find out which organisations are available to you, then go along, be prepared to go back to study, job train, or do work experience.My son was an oik, he fought, left education, bla bla, he started working in a social environment, which took him on to bar work, now he is doing his bar license, He'll run his own bar by next year, But only coz he stopped blaming his past, his misfortunes etc, and started to take responsibility for his mistakes, and forgettin the bad that he had put upon him thru no fault of his own.He also joined a rugby team, met new friends that way, but it could be football, or gym, something that gets your heart pumping, adrenalin going, endorphins flowing, that'll make you feel accomplishment, and give you the get up and go.I'm so sorry to hear of your shit start to life, but you have the ability, intelligence and want (you wrote in) to start afresh, but no one is gonna come knocking at your door, nobody owes you anything, you have to go out and get it.Be strong babe, you can be all that you want to be, I know it aint easy, but not all the good things in life are free, once you are happy with yourself, friends will come, women will come, and as long as you stay focus'd, you will make it.Just remember if you start to flail, write back in for a *cyber kick* up the arse, i'll gladly put my size 3 Doc Martins on, and give you a swifty kick up the arse, coz I got a feeling, one day, your experience and your life turn around, will make you an inspiration to other kids that have had as bad, or worst upbringing than you.Good luck, and remember, citizen advice first, no limits.If you find you have no motivation, and your mood hasn't improved, even tho you are making active decisions, you should visit you GP, they may be able to help by sending you to see someone who can help you to deal with your underlying pain, and also help you move forward.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): So sorry to read your message..story, it's really moving, and NO I'm not patronizing you. Just a heartfelt empathy for your situation.
But you know what I see, that perhaps you don't, or not right now, is YOUR unbelievable strength and desire to live your life to the full. You are obviously intelligent, so please concentrate on looks or judge yourself in this way, looks by the way are subjective, and not for anyone to pass judgement, as looks are ONLY the outer layer to the GOODIES inside, and some have GOLD, but in a lot of cases not gold, with qualities that soon fade. Remember looks fade, but qualities and a warm heart grow and outshine looks that will eventually fade.
So you have had a tough start, but you are only 16 with your life ahead of you, and with CHOICES to make which could make all the difference. I understand when one is in a downward spiral, feeling nothing is going right, it's difficult to pick the pieces up, but as I say, there is a lot you can do.
Friends, they are the ones who stick by you, regardless, so the ones who have ditched you, trust me, are NOT just about you, it's more about them actually, meaning they are insecure and not at all genuine..and quite often when we're not confident in ourselves we attract the wrong people.
Reading that you sat under a table crying and depressed really moved me, personally I wanted to reach out to you, only not all people can cope with emotion, as most of us are not brought up to open up and express ourselves. So you saying this, tells me you are capable of opening up, which leads to all possibilities personally and professionally.
Concentrate on YOU, think about what you would like to achieve in say 10 years (26)the job you're in right now you hate,you don't have to stay. What do you like doing, what are you good at? When you've given it some thought, get some info on any courses you can find relating to your interests. Ok they may not produce the answer NOW, but if you work on your strengths and have the determination, YOU can achieve anything you want...and DON'T settle for something you hate, that is apathy, and you have more about you than that, I know it!
The more you enjoy, learn and become confident in, the more you will see life can be improved and enjoyed. I genuinely am sorry your start in life is still so painful for you, only we can never change what has gone before us, only what lies ahead, and for that, we must form our own path..albeit slow sometimes, but with a character like yours, I know you will be able to find happiness and satisfaction professionally and personally.
I so hope some of this has helped you..Good luck!
Jilly x
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A
female
reader, Denizli  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 heyUm sounds like life hasnt treated you so well.I know things may look dark at this point, im 17 too.But let me tell you something, life always gives a second chance to everyone. Our past couldve been like the worst thing ever but sooner or later something comes into our lives and makes us see the good side of being alive.You gotta start by being positive (i know it sounds stupid but its good start). Leave your past in the past. You may wonder whats meaningful in your life, but i can assure you that sooner or later you'll find that out.Try to find things that make you happy, if you dont like your job well then just quit! your young and you have alot of life to do what you want, get another job, get a partner.. Dont worry about time or anything :)I dont know if im just speaking stupidly but thats what i think, um and if you want to talk to someone you can message me on here, hope my answer helped u :)
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A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (18 July 2010):
 i think if you really put your mind to this you can do anything you want to, honestly i think anyone has prospect in what ever they do, have you got any friends at all, at work maybe? if so ask to go out together one evening, that way you will be out meeting new people even if they are friends of a friend! if not try a site on line such as speed date! believe me its not just there to meet a girlfriend/boyfriend you get to chat to lots of different women ask to add them to ur emil list , msn or something start from that im sure you will find friends through that, your childhood doesent sound like it was the best but build on that miss fortune,i know its hard but you can do it dont sit there feeling low
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Do you have a connexions centre near you? They should be able to help you find a new job and maybe your own place to live. You'll definitely be able to talk someone there about how you feel and they'll be able to tell you what options may be best for you.
Have you thought about going to college? You'll be able to meet new people there and maybe be able to do something that you enjoy.
Here is the link to connexions just in case you don't know it:
http://www.connexions-direct.com/
You can even talk to someone online if it's easier for you.
I hope this helps a little
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 July 2010):
Okay, first off some questions
- You lived with your great grandma, and then your grandmother. Where are your parents? (If it's too painful to talk about I understand, but this was the first thing that popped up)
- Why were you depressed?
- Your friends ditched you and your brother walked away from you. Why did they do that? Not to put the blame on you, but coming myself from a background where I was bullied a lot, I know that the way I was made it easy for them to be the way they were. So could there be something about you/that you did that made them do this?
- How did you do in Highschool? I don't know what age you graduate in the UK, but isn't college an option? You could get a student loan to help financing it. Visit several colleges, think about what you would LIKE to do. Get inspired.
- Try different sports. They don't have to be expensive. Maybe teamsports, where you have to rely on eachother. Get yourself out there, meet new people!
Lastly: remember, the way you present yourself is what others will see. If you're miserable and look miserable, people will avoid you. If you can't be happy, fake it. You can turn a complaint into a humorous remark. Smile when you don't feel like it. But if people smile back and start talking to you, you might find that after a while you don't need to fake it anymore.
Come on, you're young! You've got a whole life ahead of you.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I think it would be wise for you to try talking to someone at a Financial Aid office. Lot's of people with no money can find a way to get loans for College. After earning your degree you can get a better job and pay back the loans. You can even take night classes at your community College and keep your job. Also you would meet people your age and find people you have tings in common with. Also don't be shy to talk to the ladies. Rejection is a part of life.. and eventually you will come across someone he likes you.
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A
female
reader, jenjen0124 +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I think you need to start looking at it like, what you have... you have a job, you dont like it but you have one. your only 17 you are still young so not having much money for a fresh start is normal. you have a place to live with your grandmother. you should try and get close to her. older people have a lot of insite on life. life will get better just start looking at it with a smile =]
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