A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd really like to have a boyfriend but I'm so androgynous (flat chested, for some reason muscly and have never been able to grow long hair) that guys my own age are just repulsed by me. It has always been like this and no matter where I live or what school I'm in I seem to end up being in a group of attractive people who everyone else swoons over, but no one ever has liked me as anything more than a friend.Recently alot of my friends completely forgotten about me existing and recently went on a holiday and didn't bother to contact me despite me trying to ring themand wishing them a good time.In my life everyone else has someone special, my parents care alot more about each other than they do about me. My sister has her boyfriend and is popular and attractive and someone everyone wants to know. ALL my brstfriends have girlfriends or boyfriends apart from two girls who have made it perfectly clear I'm not allowed or welcome to join their group.I just feel so isolated and everyone around me has someone they put before me. What am I supposed to do?! I don't care about even living anymore. anyone I care about doesn't care about me half as much as they do for another. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): If you look in the media nowadays, the androgynous look is actually pretty popular, both with men and women. Depending on how you "sell yourself" to the public, this will attract certain types of guys with certain interests and characteristics.
If you want to be with someone, you have to know what you want and plan accordingly. I think too many people think of attracting someone in generic terms and then get frustrated when either 1)nothing happens or 2)they end up in bad relationships. Stereotypically for men, indecisiveness tends to give the impression that they're wishy-washy and weak, while for women, not knowing what they want is basically a calling-card for them to be taken advantage of by someone who knows how to play the game better.
I only know all of this because I've done the passive approach until I realized that it wasn't working and am currently trying to move past that point. It's not easy but being honest with yourself does at least give you a reason to move forward. It might seem counter-intuitive at first, but if you want to make someone else happy, you have to be willing to cater to your needs as well. A healthy mental state will exhude confidence and make you seem more attractive, even if you haven't changed anything else about your life.
Figure out what you want first, then do the research necessary in order to get there. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replys, means alot to know people care and that I'm not the only one who feels like this.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 August 2010):
I know this is getting old, but most people go through a phase where they feel akward and lost. Noone can predict genetics, so you might very well stay this way. Or you might not. Not everyone is done growing at 18. I 'm 22 and I'm still changing. Adriana Lima (considered to be one of the most beautiful women on the world) was flat as a pancake at age 20. She just had good bra's. And later nature lend her a hand. Anyway, I could tell you that you should love yourself for who you are, but you probably know that and it's not working out. In any case, start working with what you have if you want to get noticed and get your confidence back up:- So instead of concentrating on your flat chest, concentrate on the good things, like your firm legs and flat stomach. Get some skintight (but stretchy) jeans that show off your shapely legs and are a bit low-rise so that with a short top you can show off your midriff without neccesarily showing your bellybutton. (ofcourse you can do that too if you dare!) Think Keira Knightley at Pirates of the Carribean 1 premiere. -You probably have nicely toned arms. Get a tanktop that shows this off. Look at models; they're often flat chested but often rock the shirts they wear. Anna Selezneva is an example of a flatchested model. She's very thin, but she rocks with what she has. Miranda Kerr is another one. -Also, because you're flat you can pull off pretty much EVERYTHING without looking trashy. Have fun, try on many things until you find something that suits you.- Maybe invest in a push up bra. Not the filled ones (don't lie to yourself) but those that give you just that little lift. - You might have short hair, but if your hairdo rocks you can look sexy in it. Get inspired, look around for short hairdo's. Many gals with 'long' hair have clipped in extensions that can nearly be invisible when done right.-Try some make-up looks. Or go to a makeup store and ask for advice (ask one with professionals). Ask for a look you can easily copy at home. Look on youtube for some basic tutorials. Not ever tutorial requires you to be the Rembrandt of make-up ;-) Get your eyebrows done. Maybe try eyeliner and some lipstick. Ect. Have FUN and stay true to yourself. Now, after all this pampering you should probably already feel better about yourself. So show that to the world. Walk up straight, no more hunched shoulders. Smile more. Radiant smiles are appreciated by everyone and often makes it easier to like someone. Don't be fake, but genuinely try to be more positive and see the fun side of things. If you start believing you are worthy of attention (AND YOU ARE!!) other people will see it as well. Instead of focussing the attention others receive from your loved ones, create attention for yourself. Initiate contact. Try a new sport or hobby, one where your athleticism is an asset rather than something that works against you.Try dancing for example. They teach you to move gracefully, and that can make a world of difference in how you come across, believe me. Your so called friends don't know what they're missing out on. Their loss. They don't deserve you anyway. Hope this helps! Sorry if it was too long.
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