A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can someone pelase tell me what matters in a relationship? Is it how a person treats you or how fulfilled you are?In short- I am with a man who is very respectful, loyal, puts me first, and is always there for me. He always keeps his promises and has never lied to me. He will always make time for me and suports me 100% in my career. He helps out in anyway he can and is generally just there for me. However, I really want to travel and see the world but he is not interested in doing that. Or rather he is not too keen on flying and is much more content staying at home. I'm also more outgoing, but he isn't and again prefers to be at home. He forgets anniversaries and only gets me books (that I want ) for my birthday. What do I do? Stay because he treats me well or leave and follow my dreams of traveling the world and getting new experiences. it really is a case of either one or the other. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): There is a price to pay for everything we do in life so remember that fact. If you stay with your husband, there is a price to pay, if you leave there is a price to pay. The price maybe worth it, or it may not be. All I know is that true love is hard to find. A person who respects you and puts you first is hard to find, so if you are willing to give that up for your dreams of being able to travel...the choice is yours. Just remember that after all the traveling and exploring, you may want someone to come home too and by that time your husband may have found someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Hello everyone I am the OP. I really do want to travel but not for extended periods of time. I would be happy going on holiday every other year for a week or so. I just want to see some places and experience new things, but I really odnt want to live somewhere else and absorb the culture, language etc. I have spoken to him about it and he said he will make the effort but I think he is just saying that to keep me quiet. We have been together for a while now and it does not seem to be happening. I know I will regret this, but I will also regret leaving such a nice man just so I can see some places, and then wind up alone. Of course there is the possibility that he could just leave five or worse twenty years down the line and I would end up without the experiences or the man!For now I am staying put but I just wanted to see how people felt about this.Thanks!
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reader, TheWolf  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Well first i would have to ask one question . If he is so very supportive ? Would it be an option to go travel and live out your dreams while he stays at home and waits for you ? Of course you would be faithful , you would explain to him . And this seems to be an itch that needs to be scratched for you . the man obviously loves you and you him . If you decide not to take of and follow your dreams many problems could arise from this , one you may look at him as the reason you never did and this will cause you to be bitter towards him . Second he would worry that he was the reason and which would make him feel bad inside , may shower you with gifts trying to make up for this but it still wouldnt cover up the fact . Compromise - Go of on a trip alone , i have a feeling you will miss him alot . come home , let him do something he always dreamed of . then its your turn again . As time goes by you may find what you want is to just be with him .
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reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Will you be happy not traveling? Would you look back at this 5 years from now and hate yourself for not doing it? If you decided to stay, and 5 years from now he leaves, would you kick yourself then?I have seen relationship go to hell because one person hates themselves for doing something in theirs lives they really wanted to do. They then take out the frustration on their partner, because they believe it's their fault why they did't do what the wanted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Hey,It's the first agony aunt again haha!...I've read what people are saying and I think everyone has really good advice. My main fear is being at an age where I can't travel or an age where I wouldn't enjoy the things as much as I would in my younger years........and then having that ultimate regret. To the lady who feels in the same position as me, I dont think I can see my life without my boyfriend either...but dont give up your dreams.I know it's really difficult isnt it? I've decided I'm going to stay with him but as another aunt said..have him compromise a little. He loves me, he should want to be with me wherever I am in the world. Anyway good luck girl :) and i hope you get to fulfill your dreams AND be happy :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Wow exactly the same position as the first agony aunt! I honestly do not know what to do. I don't think i could bear to leave my boyfriend though. I'm seriously considering just forgetting about travelling to stay with him. It's quite uncanny how similar mine and the first agony aunt's situation is. I'll be keeping check on this to steal some advise :)
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 July 2010):
You have to make a choice now. You can either travel, or you can stay. And it's going to be one or the other. I think eventually you will resent not having been able to travel. Your boyfriend is a good guy, but he won't be any good to if you resent him later down the line for not being able to travel.
Another guy will come along. Another life won't. So, maybe the best thing to do is go and see the world, have your fun, and come back and settle when you're ready.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): To you and the first Aunt that answered, the choice is simple really, you can go travel for a while and enjoy your youth while you can or you can stay because of your boyfriend and slowly grow to resent them for being the reason you couldn't.
Just go, follow your dream and if it was meant to be they'll still be there when you get back. That's what happened with me. My girl went traveling for 8 months and I had other commitments at home and couldn't go, we stayed in contact for those 8 months I met up with her twice, in Thailand for two weeks and in Germany for two weeks for christmas.
I had already done my traveling when I was her age, knowing and experiencing it myself there was no way I was gonna let her not do it just because she'd miss me. It really is a once in a lifetime thing and it will always be there in you to want to do it so you might as well get it done and out of your system. She came back a happy and fulfilled person, she saw things in the world that helped her see how beautiful life really was and we're closer than ever.
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reader, maverick494  +, writes (21 July 2010):
I think that if you love someone, you shouldn't hold them from fulfilling their dreams even if that means getting out of your comfort zone once in a while.
Right now, you're staying home and doing what he wants because he feels more comfortable that way, even though it makes you feel like a caged bird. Wouldn't it be time for him to step up to the table, face his fears and do what you want for once?
You say he treats you well and does a lot for you. Though all that is appreciated, real love is measured in more that that, in my opinion.
For example:
My uncle is an alcoholic. His wife stayed with him and supported him during his trials, rehab and relapses. In turn, he has not touched a glass of alcohol in 5 years ever since he made the promise he wouldn't and goes on vacation with her to destinations he doesn't like, and pretends to like them. Their marriage is strong because they have both made sacrifices for eachother.
So I think that if your bf is not willing to let you travel and go out once in a while, you should take a break and do what you want to for a while. You're young now. If you don't and let opportunities pass you by, you will have the rest of your life to regret it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Hey,
This is not really an answer to your question, but just to let you know I am in the same position. I'm 22, in one month I'm 23 and I have a fear that I'm letting my life pass me by. I love my boyfriend very much, but he is more the settled type. His dream is we work hard now, save all money, and put it into a house, car, children etc. I'm more the type that I want to see the world and live a bit first, obviously with him on my side. He just doesn't feel the same way and rather selfishly said 'Well I've been to different countries growing up, I don't need to see more'. Growing up I never had the chance to go abroad, and now when I have the time and money to do it I feel trapped. And I agree exactly with what you say, it feels like there is no other option-it must be one or the other.
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