| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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About to get married in 4 months, but I feel nothing!
Q. I'm very confused at this point. I am 22 and about to marry my boyfriend of 4 years in 4 months, and I feel nothing. I'm not overly excited and even though I love him with all my heart and feel he's my soul mate, I feel like we've lost our spark. I ...
A. 8 December 2010: Thank you for the follow up, OP!
I can understand how overpowering family members can be. I have a couple of those in my family as well. I guess I just hope your wedding doesn´t turn out too bad.
As for World of Warcraft, I am an RPG nut (nope... (read in full...)
She wants to write off everything we ever had......
Q. I met this girl online 8 years ago, we have been friends since then up until now. 2 Years ago we started talking a lot more personally and soon fell into a mutual love. During the last two years me and her have shaped eachother's lives. I do not ...
A. 8 December 2010: This is the reason why I think online relationships don't pan out. When your connection to someone is through bits an bytes, then basically you're grasping air. Meeting that online representation in real life is always different from what you had in ... (read in full...)
Why do women play hard to get?
Q. I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I get extremely angry when a woman is interested in me but she plays hard to get. Why do women do that? Why can't they just throw themselves at you if they are genuinely interested. It w...
A. 8 December 2010: Well, the problem with serving yourself on a plate is that a lot of guys take advantage of that. It's hard to tell if someone is really interested or if they just want to sleep with you. Letting someone put in a bit more effort is a way of finding ... (read in full...)
Stay or Leave?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. we are very compatible. Recently, for the second time, (his ex fiance who is married) has stayed at his place because her relationship was so bad and she had supposedly no where to go. It was for a few ...
A. 8 December 2010: Well, I´m quite cynical myself, but sometimes when people say nothing happened, they´re telling the truth. Not everyone jumps their ex when noone is around to see it. There´s a reason she´s his ex and not his current gf. And yes, in this rotten ... (read in full...)
Brother in law problems....
Q. Hey all, Iam a happily marrieed woman but I have one problem. The problem is with my brother in law. This started a while back before I got married. I was suppose to meet my BIL at a party in 06 that was arrangged by a family member, but he d...
A. 8 December 2010: Be curt with him. When he says "If you had married me instead you would have lived in the house I purchased". Well, tell him that one of the reasons you married your husband is because atleast to him it doesn't come down to money, but love. When he ... (read in full...)
About to get married in 4 months, but I feel nothing!
Q. I'm very confused at this point. I am 22 and about to marry my boyfriend of 4 years in 4 months, and I feel nothing. I'm not overly excited and even though I love him with all my heart and feel he's my soul mate, I feel like we've lost our spark. I ...
A. 8 December 2010: I think you should just talk to him. You've given enough hints already and they're not working. Also it sounds like you've pretty much become his servant, always trying to please him.
Call it a cliché, but a lot of men like the exciteme... (read in full...)
Could dating this older man spell trouble?
Q. Basically I've gotten really close recently to one of the managers where I work (not my manager so has no real authority over me). The problem is there is quite a big age gap, I'm 19 and he's 35 neither of us has a problem with the age gap but I'm ...
A. 8 December 2010: Hmm, age gaps at your age are always tricky. At 35, he may be ready to settle down while you may want to go to college, see the world, etc. You´re at different phases in your lives right now.
I´m not saying it can´t work. If you two are pretty m... (read in full...)
How do I possibly get over these wrong feelings I have?
Q. I am a young guy that is happy with my girl friend, but I need to get over my crush, which is her brother. I know it is bad, trust me I know, but I have strong feelings for him. Some days I am fine, but some days I hate myself that I feel these ...
A. 7 December 2010: You can't help how you feel. You can only help what you do.
For example, I had a crush on my martial arts insructor. Problem was that he was happily married. So I let my feelings go loose in my head, but never acted upon them. Still, it was hard... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 2 December 2010: phew, tough situation! I would probably choose the safest route, which would be to keep him at arms length and nothing closer than that.
Still, I feel it's too easy to condemn him for the rest of his life like some users here do.
Usually... (read in full...)
I'm lonely but my g/f forbids me to move into place with girls!
Q. Just wanna know what your opinions on this. Well, I'm currently living alone in one of my dads house. The thing is, I dont mind living alone, but seriously, it's boring. I got no one to talk to, my girlfriends too far away. I mean, really far...
A. 2 December 2010: Hmm hard one. I really know what it's like wanting to move out but not really being able to. And then this comes along and seems like the perfect way to get out of there.
I´ve always been a trusting girl. Not naively so. I'm not blind, but my m... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to want to hold a baby?
Q. My cousin has just had a lovely baby boy and he is absolutely gorgeous, but when i went to see her today i found myself refusing to have a hold of him. Up until actually arriving at the maternity ward, i was eager to have a hold but when it came to ...
A. 2 December 2010: I don't like to hold other people's babies either. I see them, how fragile they are and then I get afraid I will do something wrong to upset the child, not hold him/her right, etc. I get it everytime and people are surprised and sometimes even ... (read in full...)
Is asking for him to text me if he's going to be home late too much?
Q. so this is kinda complicated. I am living with a guy i hate been seeing. we sleep in the same bed. have sex and we are not with other people but we don't label ourselves as bf gf because with labels comes expectations. this is an exclusive ...
A. 2 December 2010: Okay okay, let me get this straight:
This relationship is exclusive, BUT you both are so afraid of responsibilities that you have not labelled yourself as such? Is it just for the sex?
Really, this is a recipe for disaster. Living with some... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he's 26, we really click, should I consult my parents?
Q. Dear Agony Aunt, do you think that age matters? i mean in our world which we live in, these days, you hear stories about 60 year olds having babies and 8 yer old's smoking, so is it such a bad thing for 15 year old and a twenty six year old to f...
A. 1 December 2010: Age and maturity are subjects everyone has a different opinion of. Ironically enough, lots of those differences have to do with the age of that person voicing the opinion.
Is a 26 y/o fancying a 15 y/o a pedophile? I think not, but the line is ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and in love with my 26 year old teacher!
Q. How do I approach this man before I graduate high school? I'm 16 and in love with my 26 year old teacher. I know you've all heard this before but im serious. I know what I want and that's a man. The boys at my school are way too immature and the...
A. 1 December 2010: Thanks for the follow up, OP.
Sorry if I came across as harsh but 9 out of 10 of these questions come from smitten girls of your age who don´t have a clue what they´re talking about. You seem more sensible in your reply.
Sure there are plenty... (read in full...)
Married and feeling attracted to the 19-year-old I'm teaching karate to!
Q. I am a 33 year old male.(most people say i look 25). I am married for three years and she is 25. I have just gone back to uni. I recently started teaching a 19 year old woman karate privately. She is absolutely fantastic, and not your average ...
A. 30 November 2010: Okay, first off: rarely do I meet anyone who actually lives up to the "I'm [insert age] but people tell me I look 8-10 years younger" deal. People tell you that to make you feel good, not because they mean it. In today's society being in your early ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and in love with my 26 year old teacher!
Q. How do I approach this man before I graduate high school? I'm 16 and in love with my 26 year old teacher. I know you've all heard this before but im serious. I know what I want and that's a man. The boys at my school are way too immature and the...
A. 30 November 2010: Looking at it from his perspective, I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who is ten years younger than me. Look, no matter how mature you feel or people have said you are, he has 10 years of life experience on you and is at a completely ... (read in full...)
My periods have never been regular!!
Q. ive been having periods for around 5 years now and im still not in a regular pattern. sometimes im on at around the 28day stage however other times its about 50days. is this normal?...
A. 29 November 2010: One of the listed symptoms of PCOS (Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome) is having a irregular menstrual cycle. However, since you're still so young this could just be attributed to puberty and therefore not necessarily cause for alarm. That said, getting ... (read in full...)
31 and NEVER had a girlfriend?
Q. While I have gone on 2 dates when I was 23, I still have no idea really what dating is like. Here is my love bio so to speak: I am a single, straight, successful and educated, 31 year old male. I have never had a girlfriend, nor have I ever ...
A. 28 November 2010: LOL at the devil part. Sure, everything here is just a coating to hide our true lives. Where have I heard that before? Oh right, that movie called the Matrix....
Jokes aside, I can definitely see where you´re coming from with it almost being un... (read in full...)
My periods have never been regular!!
Q. ive been having periods for around 5 years now and im still not in a regular pattern. sometimes im on at around the 28day stage however other times its about 50days. is this normal?...
A. 28 November 2010: Well, I guess I can´t be objective because mine have never been regular either before I went on the pill. I used to have two months separating them, then suddenly 3 weeks. So I´m definitely familiar with what you´re describing. The pill solved it ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said it wasn't him on facebook
Q. I have a boyfriend of 5 months and I love him soo much. We're both 17 and he is my first boyfriend ever. Yesterday I logged in his facebook account (we both have each other's password) and saw a conversation of him with this other girl from school ...
A. 26 November 2010: He calls you stupid for not believing him. Well that´s a classic with liars. They try to turn the tables to make you feel like the guilty one.
Some questions you could ask him come to mind:
1. Why is your friend on your fb pretending to be... (read in full...)
Homelessness.....
Q. Hi, everybody well, I know that my question may not related to this site by any way (a site for social advice would be great). but since you are all active and like answering questions. I'd like to know your views on the issue of homelessness. ...
A. 25 November 2010: 1. Only the naive and ignorant deny that homeless people live amongst us. I think most people (especially those in big cities) realize that homelessness is an issue everywhere in the world, even in 'rich' countries. So please tell me where you got ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of three years keeps breaking promises
Q. I am a 21 year old college student, who has been dating the same guy since my freshmen year. I am now a Junior in college. My question is about my boyfriend and how he makes broken promises. Basically he has made plenty of broken promises, he is the ...
A. 20 November 2010: You don't sound like someone in a happy relationship and the fact you've complained and noticed it doesn't help gives me reason to think the relationship doesn't mean much to him either.
I would end it. Today.
Now, I'm not you so I don't r... (read in full...)
My professor held my hand?
Q. I'm sorry in advance if this is too long! I'm a 19 year old university student.This semester,I decided to do a project on a specific class,and so I went to the professor's office to discuss the subject of my project with him,as all students have to ...
A. 12 November 2010: Wow, he's not even trying to hide it, using pick up lines even! How pathetic of him.
I'm like you, the polite, smiley one who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings. What's happening right now is that your gut and your morals are clashing... (read in full...)
My professor held my hand?
Q. I'm sorry in advance if this is too long! I'm a 19 year old university student.This semester,I decided to do a project on a specific class,and so I went to the professor's office to discuss the subject of my project with him,as all students have to ...
A. 11 November 2010: Oh and PS: if his behaviour doesn't let up or gets worse even, do not hesitate to report him, like aunt honesty said. This man is suppose to guide you, not seduce you. His job is on a thin line and I presume he's kept it because people didn't dare ... (read in full...)
My professor held my hand?
Q. I'm sorry in advance if this is too long! I'm a 19 year old university student.This semester,I decided to do a project on a specific class,and so I went to the professor's office to discuss the subject of my project with him,as all students have to ...
A. 11 November 2010: From all the "is my teacher into me?" questions, this is the first one I answer with: YES.
This guy seems creepy and you're not imagining it either. I mean, at the point you have to make excuses to get out of there, something's wrong.
Now, wh... (read in full...)
Virginity
Q. Every time I see a sex question posted by a young girl 13-15, I cringe and tell myself, "Don't you dare read this." Myself stubbornly refuses to listen, blows me a raspberry, and reads on - hell is sometimes unleashed. The questions which affect me ...
A. 11 November 2010: Great article! Hope many will read it.
When I was 14 there was a girl in my class called Tamara. She was called a whore because she dressed in übershort skirts, stockings and had this push up bra that made her B cup seem like a D. She had the repu... (read in full...)
He traded in his ex's good looks for my personality!
Q. My partner said that he preferred his ex looks wise (she's real pretty) but prefers my personality ( he said she was a bitch and high maintenance). So I asked why he was with me and not her and He replied saying that She cheated on him and used ...
A. 10 November 2010: If I tell you in "a really nice way" that you're a bitch, would you take that well? I guess this guy thinks putting you down with a smile on his face is better than looking serious when doing it.
I especially don't like how he doesn't feel lik... (read in full...)
Am I shallow for my worries due to his hair colour?
Q. i have a problem, a man reaaly likes me and would do anything for me but because he is ginger im scared what people will say! what do i do?...
A. 10 November 2010: To answer your question: yes you are shallow for letting the opinion of what people may or may not think influence you. It doesn't matter, as long as you love him. Besides, red hair can look really beautiful. Would you like him to ditch you if you ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of my husband's new "friend"?
Q. My husband left 2 weeks ago. I told him I didn't think there was anything he could do to fix the marriage and it was over. The next day he packed and left. 2 weeks in and I know I made the WRONG decision. I want him to come home more than ...
A. 9 November 2010: This is out of your hands now. You told him you want him back, but that doesn't make it all okay again. My theory on the reasons behind your ex's behaviour is this:
I think he might still be reeling from the break up. A common coping mechanis... (read in full...)
I was warned, but I had sex with him 4 times anyway!
Q. I need help! I slept with my coworker/ friend's son. She invited me to move with her and warned me about her son. But we kept making passes at each other. The other night, we were talking and he started kissing me. The next thing i knew, we were ...
A. 9 November 2010: Exercise some self restraint and tell this guy "no". Then again, how can the guy not like you if he's had sex with you 4 times in such a short time? I don't know how old he is but the whole "hormones make guys think with their dick" phase should be ... (read in full...)
At 5'6'' weighing 100 pounds, is my friend anorexic?
Q. Hii Aunties and Uncles, basically, I have a pen pal who lives several hundred miles north from me and she recently had surgery and lost a lot of weight. In her last letter to me she said she weighs 100lbs (7stone 2lbs) and she's 5foot 6.5 inches...
A. 9 November 2010: The follow up unfortunately confirms what you've been thinking. Yes, she definitely has anorexia. I remember saying the exact same thing to my friends when I talked about Christmas. Lose a couple more so I wouldn't gain that much. After that I went ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend made me throw up from his comments
Q. After a comment my boyfriend made about my weight I started to throw up food after eating it I know I shouldn't I know it can cause a lot of health issues but if I don't do it ill sit their biting my nails feeling really anxious until I do it. I ...
A. 9 November 2010: @Cerberus: fair enough. You are right that many girls are already dealing with body issues and a seemingly harmless comment can send them over the edge.
I guess I was still worked up about this other question where a guy kept telling his gf that ... (read in full...)
At 5'6'' weighing 100 pounds, is my friend anorexic?
Q. Hii Aunties and Uncles, basically, I have a pen pal who lives several hundred miles north from me and she recently had surgery and lost a lot of weight. In her last letter to me she said she weighs 100lbs (7stone 2lbs) and she's 5foot 6.5 inches...
A. 9 November 2010: First off: you're a great friend to her, looking out for her like that.
Since I don't know her eating habits and the specifics of her situation, I can't say for sure, but she sounds like she might be.
Was the weight loss a direct consequen... (read in full...)
Boyfriend made me throw up from his comments
Q. After a comment my boyfriend made about my weight I started to throw up food after eating it I know I shouldn't I know it can cause a lot of health issues but if I don't do it ill sit their biting my nails feeling really anxious until I do it. I ...
A. 9 November 2010: Also to answer your question about what a doctor could do: he or she can put you into contact with specialists that can help you get back on track again. BUT you'll have to be specific about your problem! Tell him you have bulimic behaviour and want ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend made me throw up from his comments
Q. After a comment my boyfriend made about my weight I started to throw up food after eating it I know I shouldn't I know it can cause a lot of health issues but if I don't do it ill sit their biting my nails feeling really anxious until I do it. I ...
A. 9 November 2010: He's an idiot for putting you down like that. Dump him and find a guy who will love you for who you are because there's nothing wrong with your weight!
Secondly, throwing up will not help you lose weight. Your body absorbs nutrients really f... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend trying to get me pregnant?
Q. So I got the birth control shot and the doc told me I had 2 wait a wk. My bf was happy cause we agreed we didn't want any accidents especially when Im younger than him (not ready) and he said he doesnt want kids. I told him, you cant cum inside me. ...
A. 9 November 2010: What I don't get is why you didn't insist on using condoms or an morning after pill while you can still get pregnant. If you're serious about this, you would have. You're both being careless, so don't put all the blame on him.
As for what he ... (read in full...)
If my quiet social life bothers him so much, why does he still want to be friends with me?
Q. I met him on a dating site and dated him for 2 months. The first month things were going really well and we were spending almost too much time together. The second month is when things started to go downhill especially after telling me he wanted to ...
A. 9 November 2010: "Still wants to be friends." Heh, well I would tell him not to count on it. No wonder he picks twenty-somethings. They're more gullible and naive than people in their thirties. Or maybe he's just a decade behind when it comes to brain development. ... (read in full...)
If my quiet social life bothers him so much, why does he still want to be friends with me?
Q. I met him on a dating site and dated him for 2 months. The first month things were going really well and we were spending almost too much time together. The second month is when things started to go downhill especially after telling me he wanted to ...
A. 7 November 2010: I get pretty crabby when people act like that. This happened to me too, but this wasn't a love interest but a new classmate.
I would say: "Pardon me for not wanting to evaporate every braincell I have by getting wasted every weekend. In my humbl... (read in full...)
I flew across the country to meet him and now I'm not attracted to him
Q. I got into a relationship with someone online. We've been dating for 3months and I fell in love with his personality. I flew across the country to meet him and now that I have I'm not really physically attracted to him. My question is, should I stay ...
A. 7 November 2010: Physical appearance and attraction are very important to many people, including you. That's why most LDR's (that started from online contact) don't work. You're in love with a online representation of this guy. One he could have made as great and ... (read in full...)
Everyone says I should fight to get my ex back
Q. Ok , I am not with my ex and he is with someone else. i love him and miss him. Everyone is telling me that I should fight to get him back. I have spoken to him and told him how much I love him. i even asked him if he loves me he says that he won...
A. 7 November 2010: There's a reason he's your ex and not your current boyfriend. When he said he doesn't keep in touch with exes because it's bad for a relationship, he was telling you to leave him alone and let him live his life. If he still had feelings for you he ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my OCD is coming back.
Q. When i was a child i used to have pretty bad OCD. Certain things had to be done a number of times e.g. switching a light switch on and off. I know i probably sound like a complete nut but if you don't have it you really can't understand what's it's ...
A. 7 November 2010: I replied to a thread with a similar situation (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-stop-overthinking-things.html). There might be advice there that can also be helpful.
And I have some questions for you:
- Have you had any recent big c... (read in full...)
I'm worried my OCD is coming back.
Q. When i was a child i used to have pretty bad OCD. Certain things had to be done a number of times e.g. switching a light switch on and off. I know i probably sound like a complete nut but if you don't have it you really can't understand what's it's ...
A. 7 November 2010: I replied to a thread with a similar situation (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-stop-overthinking-things.html). There might be advice there that can also be helpful.
And I have some questions for you:
- Have you had any recent big c... (read in full...)
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