| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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Newest answer was posted
30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 6 March 2010: I don't see it, send the link?... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 28 December 2009: from the way you've described it it sounds like she has depression because of how withdrawn and disinterested she is--even in christmas! sometimes depressed people also take out their pain on others (emotionally, I mean). I don't know what to do ... (read in full...)
Hooked up with my neighbor, who happens to be a woman, and married... oh, and he was there too!
Q. This is the strangest thing for me to talk about, but I have no one to talk to about it, literally, so I've come here. My neighbor is also my best friend. She's married and has kids. In the past she was gay (for 5 years) and we've always jok...
A. 24 December 2009: it seems to me that there WAS a question--the "i'm kind of obsessed with my friend after a threesome what should I do"
...I think it warrants a legitimate answer even though it may not be either of our cups of tea, and I don't know why you thin... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 23 December 2009: seems that she's just a bad communicator, like she thinks you should already know what makes you a bad daughter but you're a little clueless. why don't you ask her point blank what can i do to make things better around here for us/for you/ for our ... (read in full...)
I love him, I love him not, I love him, oh dear I love him not!
Q. so i have been with my boyfriend for around 4 months and we say we are in love, which i am. so recently i broke up with him and made out with another guy, then we got back together - broke up, got back together - broke up and now were back together. ...
A. 23 December 2009: try to do it after christmas though.... (read in full...)
I love him, I love him not, I love him, oh dear I love him not!
Q. so i have been with my boyfriend for around 4 months and we say we are in love, which i am. so recently i broke up with him and made out with another guy, then we got back together - broke up, got back together - broke up and now were back together. ...
A. 23 December 2009: i think if you've already had such an unstable relationship that there's something missing there that isn't working for one or both of you. if you're already thinking about your life without him, and instead fantasizing about this other guy, why ... (read in full...)
Hooked up with my neighbor, who happens to be a woman, and married... oh, and he was there too!
Q. This is the strangest thing for me to talk about, but I have no one to talk to about it, literally, so I've come here. My neighbor is also my best friend. She's married and has kids. In the past she was gay (for 5 years) and we've always jok...
A. 23 December 2009: I apologize for the jugmental prudes on here..gives dearcupid a bad name, in my opinion.
It's unfortunate that you didn't consider the implications of your threesome before it had occurred...sounds like a bit of a pandora's box.
seems to ... (read in full...)
She lives 50 miles away bit thinks I'm to smothering
Q. Ok, I met this girl online about 2 months ago and we hit it off and started dating. She lives 50 miles away. She works during the week and has weekends off so I try to go up on the weekends. We are VERY into each other and have already agreed to get ...
A. 23 December 2009: Another option, if you don't really aren't ready to break up, is to try to see her maybe every other weekend, so she has her "Me time" all to her self, twice a month. 50 miles away though is NOT a far drive, (I had a 240 mile drive I would undertake ... (read in full...)
Was this guy just playing around?
Q. Okay, so I met a guy online through Facebook and we've been talking for about 3 weeks. We have mutual friends and he goes to a law school in my hometown. He asked me if I'd like to go for coffee sometime this week and we both decided on Tuesday. We ...
A. 23 December 2009: I don't think it was intentional either, there's no reason for him to go out of his way to figure out around a law school schedule when is a good day to meet up, he may have just got caught up in work--reschedule and it should work out... (read in full...)
Did he mean what he said about my private parts or was he really joking?
Q. My boyfriend and I were in a fight and I was making fun of the size of his penis. Then he said well what do you call that stuff sticking out of you. He meant my labium majus. I asked him about it later when we had made up. He said he was just joking ...
A. 23 December 2009: he just wanted to get you back for making fun of his size, a very personal a sensitive issue for guys, so he tried to get to you the best he could with your privates, that's all.... (read in full...)
What's a good present for your friend-with-benefits?
Q. I met this guy at work during the summer and we've been in what could be considered a casual relationship for the past 5months, meaning that we have a sexual relationship but we also do just hang out and talk. It's very relaxed, no obligations. ...
A. 22 December 2009: a giftcard seems casual enough kind of the no strings style..... (read in full...)
Please tell me why people (mostly straight guys) think I'm gay
Q. I don't get it. I love women, perhaps too much. I am a college student and haven't had a girlfriend in years, but occasionally have a random hookup. I am very passionate, especially in bed (of course), but I think that people are mistaking this ...
A. 22 December 2009: maybe they're just jealous or trying to eliminate their competition. or maybe they picked up on your questioning your sexuality yourself? or, did you only question your sexuality because other people were, or was there something else to it ... (read in full...)
My Best Friend is Driving me Crazy!
Q. Look, I love my best friend to bits. Shes kind, can keep a secret, sticks up for me and is generally amazing... but there are a few things that have been bugging me for a while now.. firstly shes so unorganised... infact thats pretty much the only ...
A. 22 December 2009: at least for problem 1 i have a suggestion. go to the library or one of your houses and say oh hey now we have time to fill out that provisional app. now, and if she starts getting wishy washy about it just say, hey you know, you either fill this ... (read in full...)
I think she has problems that I can't fix
Q. Hi, I broke up with my girlfriend three days ago. Sorry that this is quite long, I just think detais are important. We were together for 3 and a half years, lived together for the last one and a half years. We are both 24. She has just finishe...
A. 21 December 2009: I personally don't think it's too much motherly manipulation, just because like you said you've been together for YEARS, why right now would she step in and take over? she sounds a little burnt out from the school stuff and maybe she's taking that ... (read in full...)
My son has been deployed and I worry about what his girl will do while he is gone
Q. My son just turned 20 yrs old and has joined the army, while he was in high school he dated a girl called Jess, They dated for 2 years and during their senior year she cheated on him and they broke up. My son was heart broken from the break up and ...
A. 20 December 2009: I'm sort of with RAINORFIRE here; i think you should advise him to give the relationship a little more time, to use the time away as a test of their endurance and strength as a couple. long distance coupled with the dangers of war puts a couple ... (read in full...)
A serious mishap...
Q. my girlfriend is really starting to detach herself from me and it is really starting to bother me. i was wondering, since weve been together for two months now, ive been realizing that she has almost broken up with me twice and i really love her ive ...
A. 19 December 2009: i don't know if this is the best relationship you can have. i know you have feelings for her, but you were insecure in the relationship because she was so fickle, and now you want to go back to that? what has changed? i don't think she is good ... (read in full...)
Should I not read too much into his actions?
Q. So I was dating this guy for 2 months and he broke it off almost a month ago because I ran into him at a club and I was super drunk and I saw him talking to other women and got jealous and upset called him a few names. I appologized to him but he ...
A. 19 December 2009: I agree with the last poster. just take things slow, it may work out in your favor, but it's hard to say so far if he just wants to be civil or more than friends so just take it easy. i wouldn't make any daring moves. i think you learned your lesson ... (read in full...)
My five minutes of fame are bringing a lifetime of shame
Q. I've had real problems with self-esteem and subsequently booze for quite a few years. I have forced myself on a downward spiral and i seem to dwell on my problems more and more. It all began when i was 20 and booze enabled me to be 'popular' (at the ...
A. 18 December 2009: maybe you should just come clean to your family and girlfriend (separately) because i understand that you really feel it hampering you moving forward. your friends, even though they seem to be in good spirits about it, are really blackmailing you by ... (read in full...)
I want to experiment more buy my g/f says its too weird
Q. Ok, i have been wanting to ask fro some advice. My girlfriend of about 10 months barely gave me my and her first hand job about a week ago, and it was also the first time i rubbed/fingered a girl and it was her first time too. She ended up liking ...
A. 18 December 2009: oh, no i wouldn't go taste her behind her back that's a little creepy! it takes a little bit for women to share her smells with another person; i think it was aunty bimbim that was on here theorizing that because unlike men, who have their junk all ... (read in full...)
I want to experiment more buy my g/f says its too weird
Q. Ok, i have been wanting to ask fro some advice. My girlfriend of about 10 months barely gave me my and her first hand job about a week ago, and it was also the first time i rubbed/fingered a girl and it was her first time too. She ended up liking ...
A. 14 December 2009: I agree about taking pressure off, but i mean, you could finger her and then put your finger in your mouth for a taste. I think it's sexy when guys do that.... (read in full...)
I don't understand why he's treating me like this!
Q. Okay I met a guy about a week ago through my friend's boyfriend. We had been talking for about a week but we didn't know how each other looked. I mean he was so sweet that I immediately became attached. We met up friday and everything went downhill. ...
A. 13 December 2009: you know, sometimes chemistry can be okay when you're on the phone or online, but i've had experiences where you kind of 'talk out' your attraction...as in, you use up every thing you have in common through the phone and then when it's time for the ... (read in full...)
He asked me to masturbate in front of him but I feel so guilty doing it!
Q. My boyfriend asked me to masturbate in front of him, but I've never masturbated before. I started to rub myself but I had to stop as I was overcome with guilt. He wants me to try again but I'm worried that I will start to feel guilty again. He says ...
A. 11 December 2009:
are you feeling uncomfortable because you think it's wrong or because you don't like doing 'dirty things' in front of other people, body issues, or what. maybe you could ask him to masturbate himself at the same time so it doesn't feel like you'... (read in full...)
He doesn't want sex when he always said he did!
Q. Okay I met this guy online. We fell in love and we couldn't wait to meet...or wait to finally make love. 6 months I move in and we had sex once. It Lasted a few seconds. He was so excited to have sex when we talked on the phone. And now he doesn't ...
A. 11 December 2009: here's a guess. Maybe he may be disappointed in his performance the first time around. he's really embarassed how things went, and how he really failed to give you pleasure and now he wants to avoid embarassing himself again and failing you. with ... (read in full...)
Would I be more manly if I played a sport?
Q. I am 15 and i don't feel like a normal teen boy i don't play sports nor watch them (i'd rather watch cartoons) I don't try to go out with girls or anything im just nerdy and quiet and im the only child so im used to being lonely and to me i feel ...
A. 10 December 2009: on a different note, my dad has never really been a sportsy guy, i don't think he's ever played a sport? and one of my sisters got him into watching football. it's still not really his scene too much, i think he does it to bond with her. I LIKE ... (read in full...)
She is pulling pints and they are trying to pull her!
Q. My girlfriend works 2 jobs, during the day she is an optician and in the evening she works behind the bar in a pub. we have been together for 6 months and at first things were ok at the pub, she used to like me going and talking to some of the ...
A. 10 December 2009: you DO understand that her compliance and smiles are what get her the tips right? she has the option of feeling like a piece of meat or to sort of be 'in on the joke' as she swindles these guys for all they allow themselves to pour over her. she ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to grow to love someone?
Q. I am pregnant and engaged. I just graduated college this past spring. I dated someone when I went to college, I still love him. He is not the man I am marrying. I am marrying the father of my baby, we met this past summer. I hardly talk to my ...
A. 10 December 2009: I can't speak to the growing to love someone, but I really think you could be making a huge mistake marrying this baby's daddy. I feel strongly that you're going to regret leaving behind this other guy, you're always going to wonder what your life ... (read in full...)
Why does it hurt every time we have sex?
Q. Every time I have sex it feels like the first time, We sometimes do it 5-6 times in a night and it hurts every time, sometimes he doesn't even put it in all the way, but it still hurts, he says I just have to get used to it but I don't think so, we ...
A. 10 December 2009: 5-6 times a day, EVERYday? I'd say that you're sore from TOO much sex; first of all, you shouldn't be in pain, so you don't have to get used to that, your partner needs to realize that this is generally a MUTUALLY pleasurable thing not just a "i'm ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so guilty?
Q. I usually always blame myself for things, even if it has nothing to do with me or I can't do anything to have helped the situation. I don't know if this is a self-esteem issue or what, but I've always been this way, even while growing up. My dad was ...
A. 8 December 2009: I hope it helps, we'll always be here for you.... (read in full...)
We're not a family and I just need advice.
Q. okay wellll.......... when i was little, i lived with my nan bekoz my mum wasa single mum, my dad walked out, so my mum was tryna raise me. koz when i was living with her, she tried 3 suicidal attemps infront of my face. + i was too young to under...
A. 7 December 2009: do you have any aunts/ uncles/other grandparents you might be able to stay with while she sorts it all out? I think I would tell her that if she's going to leave your stepfather, fine, you know, you will support her, but you don't want to be part of ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so guilty?
Q. I usually always blame myself for things, even if it has nothing to do with me or I can't do anything to have helped the situation. I don't know if this is a self-esteem issue or what, but I've always been this way, even while growing up. My dad was ...
A. 7 December 2009: I think that you had some good insight, that a lot of your guilt stems from how you felt about your father's drinking habits. The way we interpret and understand significant and potentially traumatic childhood events definitely has an impact on how ... (read in full...)
My five minutes of fame are bringing a lifetime of shame
Q. I've had real problems with self-esteem and subsequently booze for quite a few years. I have forced myself on a downward spiral and i seem to dwell on my problems more and more. It all began when i was 20 and booze enabled me to be 'popular' (at the ...
A. 7 December 2009: I wouldn't hate booze as much as the friends that are forcing me to drink and threaten to ruin my life every 5 seconds. you don't trust your friends you seem to kind of fear them & what they'll do with these incriminating photos. is it possible to ... (read in full...)
I don't feel like 'oh my god I did it' or anything like that... is something wrong with me?
Q. I’m 27 and the other week had sex for the first time. I’m not religious so I wasn’t waiting for marriage, I just didn’t find the right guy to sleep with while I was dating…and in the past guys left me because I wouldn’t give in to sex early on in ...
A. 7 December 2009: rite of passage was the phrase I was trying to think of. ... (read in full...)
I don't feel like 'oh my god I did it' or anything like that... is something wrong with me?
Q. I’m 27 and the other week had sex for the first time. I’m not religious so I wasn’t waiting for marriage, I just didn’t find the right guy to sleep with while I was dating…and in the past guys left me because I wouldn’t give in to sex early on in ...
A. 7 December 2009: I found virginity (or losing it) to be a really anticlimatic feeling ; for some reason, even though I'm not religious either, I still felt like I'd feel 'changed' in someway, like passing through to another step in womanhood, or..some kind of ... (read in full...)
Do wonderful relationships just "happen" or do they take work
Q. Just curious on what your take is on this, because I've heard two different camps. A lot of people on this site say relationships take work and you need to work at it to keep it in good order; then there are other people who say that when you're in ...
A. 7 December 2009: interesting points; I get nervous sometimes, because I do feel like my relationship is a lot of work, but to hear that this is normal and also a benefit to the relationship, instead of feeling like 'oh why can't we be one of those couples who feel ... (read in full...)
I am in the middle of my own soap opera!
Q. Well to make a few things clear i am a lesbian, but my spouse is bi sexual...and we are seniors in high school. okay so i really don't know ware to begin. It all started junior year i began to like her. but she was still straight so i keep my mou...
A. 5 December 2009: ms. bim bim! she's in highschool, where else are you going to learn what a real relationship is if not by having bad as well as good ones? spouse is clearly her term of affection for her lady! OK, anonymous, i think you DEFINITELY made the right ... (read in full...)
How do I break the news that I'm pregnant to my mom? Is what I did so bad? Am I a fool?
Q. Im 16 years old im in 10 grade. I just found out i was pregnant for my boyfriend whos 17. I kno im to young to young to raise a child but it wasnt my fault. My boyfriend wanted a baby so i wanted to make him happy. Becuse he been so good to me so i ...
A. 5 December 2009: The thing you have to remember, Tricknessy, is that regardless of how angry your mom gets, she can't change what is in your body at that moment; so my point is, if she starts going off about protection and stupidity, you can't change your past, ... (read in full...)
I laughed at the wrong moment, now my family are grumpy with me
Q. My family is mad at my fiance and I for laughing at a really inappropriate time and I just want to know if people on here think that they are over-reacting or if we really were being that bad. This might be hard to understand but I'll explain it ...
A. 5 December 2009: Eh..I never really was the slapstick type I guess, so I can't relate to the hysteria, but I mean..no matter how stupid the way she got injured, and I'm sure she already DID FEEL stupid, she just got her pain and ordeal shoved in her face in a really ... (read in full...)
My parents are looking for another man for me, my guy he hasn't told his parents, and I am thinking of ending the relationship!
Q. Wanted to know i am working i hve boyfriend i have spoke to my parents abt our relationship but my parents are against our relationship and they r looking for another guy for me and the guy whom i love is not telling any thing to his parents i have ...
A. 4 December 2009: you could give your bf a choice: tell your parents by a certain date, or you're out to consider your parents' choice for you, because you feel he doesn't value you enough to openly have a relationship with you that his family knows about. why does ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to understand what she meant by these comments!
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me few weeks ago, (I’m a teenage lesbian, if that means anything). She said it wasn’t because she wasn’t interested in me anymore, and when asked she said she didn’t know if it would be permanent, but that it was because ...
A. 3 December 2009: I don't think SHE knows what she wants right now so she doesn't want to lead you on by further explaining herself; or she just didn't want it to be more painful than it had to be. I could see her coming around eventually, just give her time to blow ... (read in full...)
How do I break the news that I'm pregnant to my mom? Is what I did so bad? Am I a fool?
Q. Im 16 years old im in 10 grade. I just found out i was pregnant for my boyfriend whos 17. I kno im to young to young to raise a child but it wasnt my fault. My boyfriend wanted a baby so i wanted to make him happy. Becuse he been so good to me so i ...
A. 3 December 2009: I don't usually answer these kinds of questions because every mother is different and will react strongly but in different ways, so I don't know completely what the right answer is, but I would try to sit her down when things aren't too hectic one ... (read in full...)
My friend thinks the boy I like is a creep!
Q. MOD NOTE: Poster says they are in 7th grade, but age is 19. I like this boy in seventh grade that always hangs out with me in the morning. One of my friends thinks he's a creep, and always tells him to go away. How do I ask him out? And how do I...
A. 3 December 2009: if she doesn't have a good explanation, maybe she is jealous of the time that it's taking away from you two. i would try to include her in a couple hanging out sessions with the 2 of you, maybe she'll get to know the good side of him that you see; ... (read in full...)
I feel my love is fading while my boyfriend is away
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years, going to be moving in together in about 6months, which I'm excited about, but sometimes I get nervous about my relationship because my bf seems so certain that I am his future, he sees it ...
A. 29 November 2009: Thanks to all aunts, for not making me feel like something was wrong with me! I'll stick out this deployment, and just hope that things will go back to normal when he gets back. If I go through another strong spell, I'll be sure to PM. Thanks again.... (read in full...)
I hurt when I pee...how can I prevent this?
Q. I'm seventeen and have sex with my boyfriend who's 19 I hurt alot when I pee and I always have utis what can I do to prevent this ??. ...
A. 29 November 2009: oh noooo I feel your pain! I've had my share of UTIs when I started having sex for the first time. my doctor recommended that the first thing you two do, especially him, is wash off your private areas. Testicles I guess can absorb a lot of nasty ... (read in full...)
Hair pulled out of head...I never needed advice more in my life as I do now. Whats your thought on this?
Q. Hey guys, Background first of all, I'm in a relationship that is requiring a lot of work to keep going. I love Sarah to bits but its really hard to make us work. We are together for more than 2 years. We took breaks(not seeing other people) a ...
A. 29 November 2009: well, i think you know what you want to do right now, you almost only listed the negatives with your girl friend. sounds like you'd be better as friends, maybe down the road. in one of my relationships, when i saw myself drifting towards considering ... (read in full...)
A serious mishap...
Q. my girlfriend is really starting to detach herself from me and it is really starting to bother me. i was wondering, since weve been together for two months now, ive been realizing that she has almost broken up with me twice and i really love her ive ...
A. 15 November 2009: okay. you've been together 2 months. It's really...rash to declare your intent to marry this girl after 2 months, i'm not trying to judge, I'm trying to tell you that sometimes, it takes a little bit for couples to show their true colors. I know in ... (read in full...)
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