A
female
age
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*rmy_mom
writes:My son just turned 20 yrs old and has joined the army, while he was in high school he dated a girl called Jess, They dated for 2 years and during their senior year she cheated on him and they broke up. My son was heart broken from the break up and we went through a very dark, difficult time with him. This past summer they started dating again. Something I wasn`t thrilled about but I try to stay out my childrens personal lives and let them make their own decesions. But he leaves for Iraq after the new year and today he came to me and said that he palns to propose on christmas eve. I want to be happy for him but I am worried that while is away Jess will cheat on him again. I don`t want to see him hurt like before and deep in my heart I don`t trust Jess. She is a nice girl but very free spirited and I have seen many facebook pictures of here partying with single guys and girls alot and I fear that my son will get hurt. How can protect him with out sounding like an over bearing mother, and how can I keep and eye on Jess while he is away.
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female
reader, army_mom +, writes (20 December 2009):
army_mom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you for the advice, I never thought about the finically side of this at all. I know in my heart that my son loves this girl and all he wants is a family with her. But as a military wfe myself I have seen TOO MANY women cheat on their husbands while they were deployed. I don't want to see him hurt like this. I plan on trying to talk to him and explain that maybe he could wait and propose to here when he returns, lile a welcome home gift for her. Saying my main reason for concern is their age.I want to protect him but not put a strain on our relationship.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 December 2009):
 You can't, if you worry and tell him then you run the risk of being an overbearing mother.
Kids make their own mistakes, the only thing you can do is patch them up afterwards.
He probably sees marrying her as a way of settling her down. To stop her from cheating again. Unlikely to work. Soldiers often come home after a year to a pregnant wife.
And there is nothing you can do, but speak your mind and hope for the best.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (20 December 2009):
 I'm sort of with RAINORFIRE here; i think you should advise him to give the relationship a little more time, to use the time away as a test of their endurance and strength as a couple. long distance coupled with the dangers of war puts a couple through one of the most difficult tests of time. if they can get through it, then that's a really good testament to their longevity. but as others have said, you can't control, i think you still have a right to advise though. but be on his side no matter what he chooses in the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): You can't stop people from making their own mistakes, unfortunately. But there is also one point to be made that goes for all the cases where the 3rd person worries about the ones in the relationship: You dont have all the facts. You dont know every word that has been said, everything that happens. You only hear one side of the story, and that side only partially. If your son wants to marry this woman, the best you can do is support him in his choice. Should he need a shoulder to cry on be there for him. But don't condemn his choices.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): You just have to let the course of true love wend its own way through their lives. There's no way you could possibly keep an eye on her without looking like the potential interfering mother-in-law-to-be. You can't protect him, much as you would like to. He (and she) has to make his own mistakes, if indeed it is one. Maybe she got the cheating thing out of her system before, maybe not, but basically all you can do is sit back and hope upon hope that things will work out fine between them. There may be a 'car wreck' in a few months time but all you can do is hope it doesn't happen and be there for him if it does.
From your point of view, it would be good if she turned him down - which is entirely possible if she values her single life.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (19 December 2009):
 well you seem to have a close relation ship with your son if hes smart enough to listen to you tell him not to marry this girl. OK tell him NOT TO MARRY!!. I hope he listens hes to young to get married, alot of young soldiers get married for some crazy reason right before running off to war if he does marry this girl and he dies God forbid shes gonna get his $400,000 life insurance to blow on partying. Your son needs to grow up and listen to wise words nothing good will come of him getting married to a young women while hes 18 hours and 10,000 miles away in some God forsaken land. Tell him to wait till he comes back to marry her if she is still there for him when he gets back then shes the girl to marry but really hes to young he needs to go to school get a degree live a little. also she shouldnt have access to his bank accounts and he shouldnt be sending her large sums of money. I have nothing agaisnt this girl i dont kno her she could be a saint and if she is shell understand and shell be there waiting for your son with open arms when he gets back. But heres the reality your son will not be able to call home very often when he does hes going to be talking about all the crazy stuff that goes on his GF or wife is going to get scared shes going to start thinking well what if he doesnt come home shes going to try and emotionally distance herself from him so it wont hurt so bad she will be hanging around a bunch of guys that dont care if shes married or have a bf as soon as she tells them her guy is in Iraq that gives these guys a green light she might as well say shes single. Try to get him to understand find some motherly way of saying it youll be saving his life or his heart and bank account atleast. I wish you and your son the best of luck and pray he has a safe return
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