A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me few weeks ago, (I’m a teenage lesbian, if that means anything). She said it wasn’t because she wasn’t interested in me anymore, and when asked she said she didn’t know if it would be permanent, but that it was because she’s been feeling really depressed and didn’t want it to cause us to have to break up on bad terms. I saw what she was like... I can understand why she did it. I don’t like the fact that she feels she needs to push me away of course, but she's the kind of person that feels she has to deal with things on her own, and she's been feeling strained.Alright, enough background. What I was hoping to find out, is what does it mean when you ask someone if they still feel anything for you, and they say: a) not to try and figure them out because they’re too good at hiding how they feel, b) that it’s ok to hope that it isn’t permanent, or c) that they just plain won’t tell you if they’re still interested in you.Yes, I know I should probably just let it go. My brain is telling me that, but something inside me won’t listen. Once I figure out what this means, I can then figure out what I should be doing, I guess.Thanks for any help.
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female
reader, EmmaleeDrew  +, writes (4 December 2009):
I've been in this situation. It's a dirty trick, but let her see you with another girl. Jealousy is definitely a usable tool, especially when you're in a relationship with another girl. Purposefully be at the same place she is, whether it be the mall or hallway at school, walking with another girl. Appear to be in deep conversation, not even noticing her. When she texts or calls you, don't reply or answer automatically. Let a few hours pass. Let her think you were busy.On MySpace or Facebook, keep your status updated with things about how much fun you had or how you are anticipating something. If she reacts to any of these things, I believe she still has feelings and maybe just has a commitment problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Don't need to point out that you're a lesbian when it says in your description, but anyways. If she's not saying that she's interested in you, she's not.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (3 December 2009):
 I don't think SHE knows what she wants right now so she doesn't want to lead you on by further explaining herself; or she just didn't want it to be more painful than it had to be. I could see her coming around eventually, just give her time to blow off steam and think things through. Has this happened to her in the past, where she feels she needs a moment to understand her place or feelings in the relationship? The only thing I would advise, if you two do get back together and you are hoping it is long term, is that she has to open up to you. I used to bottle up my worries about my bf to myself and then they'd explode and i'd take those 'personal days' (ie. mini-breakups) too, but i realized that i really wasn't letting my guy in to understand where it was all coming from, and a relationship is a 2 way street, so it's important to have that communication be pretty strong. also, for me, and perhaps for your girl too, if I'm in a personal crisis/sort of in a depressed state it affects my relationship too and I start stressing about it and deconstructing it and analyzing it and..so my mental place sort of has an impact on how i perceive the relationship. Maybe she'd like to work on that, too, in herself, and would like to separate the two (her feeling depressed vs. the relationship) to see if the relationship is causing this stress or sadness, or whether it's unrelated, or she'd just like to get back to a good mental state. so my advice, is just to give her time, tell her you'll always be there as a friend and that there's a place for her in your heart (if that's the case, that is) and she may work through her issues and come back to you.
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A
female
reader, openmind +, writes (3 December 2009):
Right now all you can do is be her friend im my opinion its still apparent that she still wants you around for now hard as it is just drop the relationship question and show her that her bad side doesnt scare you away. If she sees you are still around when you have seen the absolute worst in her she can trust that you are right for her good luck hope this helps!
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