| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 6 March 2010: I don't see it, send the link?... (read in full...)
Am I being a bad daughter?
Q. Please I need help. Is this me, am I being a bad daughter? First of all my Mother is a very emotionally abuse person towards me. She always suggests that I did something wrong, it's my fault, or i should have/could have done this to make it bette...
A. 13 January 2010: it really sounds hellish, i'm sorry this is happening to you, and that there is something wrong with your mother. can you go live with an aunt uncle or grandparent? is your dad a little more stable, can you talk some sense into him? Maybe you can ... (read in full...)
I feel too guilty about a past abortion to feel okay with having children now that I am married
Q. Hi evryone,it has been 3 mnths since i got married n we are contemplating abt getting kids.ma problem is i had had an abortion before(the pregnancy was of the same guy-we were not ready 4 kids then) and its like am not over it yet.i feel very guilty ...
A. 12 January 2010: I would also like to add that if your husband doesn't understand why you aren't ready yet, i would hope that your relationship is strong enough and he is supportive enough to have you tell the truth on the matter, just so that he can be there for ... (read in full...)
I feel too guilty about a past abortion to feel okay with having children now that I am married
Q. Hi evryone,it has been 3 mnths since i got married n we are contemplating abt getting kids.ma problem is i had had an abortion before(the pregnancy was of the same guy-we were not ready 4 kids then) and its like am not over it yet.i feel very guilty ...
A. 12 January 2010: If you're not ready yet for a child, you're not ready. But just remember that it wasn't your time for you to have that baby; if it had been time, nature, or God or fate, would have had it be. the abortion is not an indication of future motherhood ... (read in full...)
I'm deployed and my wife has gone through some changes! Help!
Q. Hi I need help im so confused...im deployed and my wife has been acting really strange or i dont know what it is...before she always say she loves me and now she dont say it anymore...i ask her why and she says why does she need to say it when we ...
A. 12 January 2010: how much longer is your deployment? if it's 2 mo. or less, I'd say just stick it out, it may be a lot different once you get home. If you have any military buddies back at the base, and if your wife is really involved in that community, maybe you ... (read in full...)
We can't date so I feel guilty about leading him on a dance
Q. I really like this guy and we've been friends for a long time. he likes me back, yet we aren't dating. I feel as though i'm leading him on though because we aren't dating. Dating isn't convenient for me (parents, school, etc) but i still care about ...
A. 12 January 2010: are you just a busy person, or do you parents not allow you to date or what? You could be official i guess without going on big dates, you could have lunch dates at school, and be romantic while waiting for or taking the bus or whatnot, or have him ... (read in full...)
We were going great until his friend referred to me as his girlfriend!
Q. Ok so here's the deal. I met this guy while we were co-workers in the DHSS office we worked in. We started talking and dating and he ended up leaving the office for another job. Things started getting more serious, so I asked him what his intentions ...
A. 12 January 2010: Maybe he caught that you understood the whole "novia" thing and was really embarassed that he's been sort of caught thinking more of the relationship than he was 'supposed' to be. you can always have another page match up session, are we still just ... (read in full...)
Who is best for me???
Q. hey. okay, i really don't know what to do, this guy has asked me out, and i said yes even though i just met him 2 days ago and he has an extremely bad reputation of cheating, being controlling and sleeping around, but supposedly he really likes me...
A. 12 January 2010: aw, CaringGuy is right, per usual whatta sweetie! He is the epitome of the guy you want to date! ... (read in full...)
I smell trouble from my mum's boyfriend!
Q. My mother's boyfriend came back to live with us after a couple years (yes, years) of taking care of his sick mother. Today, my mother had already left for work, and it was just me and him in the house. He came down for breakfast and sat uncomfor...
A. 12 January 2010: I don't know if it's too late to really alert your mom again. It's possible she just interpreted this as a post-divorce/separation or new man in the house freak out, depending on how you presented it to her-how did you explain it to her? you can try ... (read in full...)
He claims to not love me...so why all this attention all of a sudden?
Q. Hi I am having a relationship with a man and it has been long term about 10yrs. He does not love me as he has told me so but we have a great time together and our sex life is great.I do have strong feelings for him. But lately he has been acting ...
A. 9 January 2010: I guess it's possible that he didn't realize how important you really are to him and the floods were a wakeup call, or perhaps he realized from your explanation for not alerting him to your return home ( the 'i didn't think you'd care that much' ... (read in full...)
Does he not care about me at all?
Q. my bf told me that he was entertaining his ex while i was at work wtf? he then said that she still has feelings after so long,after that he came to pick me up on work and was all jolly .then later that night he said he wanted have sex with her but ...
A. 9 January 2010: ew not only is he toying with your emotions but he could give you a disease! he doesn't care about you! get someone that will appreciate you and ONLY needs you in his life.... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for wanting her back?
Q. Ok, so here's the deal... I had been a relationship with my ex for five years and a half, until we broke up for good five months ago. She was my college sweetheart; I met her through a friend on my first semester of college. We liked each other...
A. 8 January 2010: it seems to me that you have such a general negative/painful history, that somehow, if you got back together, it would manifest itself in some way...do you feel you finally could trust her to be faithful? and what about yourself, can you trust ... (read in full...)
Does he not care about me at all?
Q. my bf told me that he was entertaining his ex while i was at work wtf? he then said that she still has feelings after so long,after that he came to pick me up on work and was all jolly .then later that night he said he wanted have sex with her but ...
A. 7 January 2010: whoa! why would you agree to being second best! i would totally ditch this guy, there's no reason that he should be having sex with anybody but you! he's scum if can't see what a catch you- and only you- are.... (read in full...)
Husband texting and flirting with a married woman, should I tell her husband?
Q. I recently discovered my husband has been texting and phoning a co worker with sexy suggestive stuff to titillate each other. He accidentally left some texts on his phone and they were sexy and loving. I am pretty sure it didn't go beyond that from ...
A. 6 January 2010: I think you need to worry about your relationship and focus on him, not on what this female culprit is doing..for all you know, they may have an open relationship. even if he doesn't know there's no need to incite drama and hardship on a family when ... (read in full...)
I just want to get away from everything...
Q. I don't really know where to start. I just feel really down. Basically, over the last few weeks the health of my grandparents has massively deteriorated putting strain on my family. They're all dependant on us. At the moment one set is in hospital...
A. 6 January 2010: That is a really difficult time for family issues, on top of friend abandonment, what jerks! I agree with the poster who said to talk to your parents, but I think it's also important, among exam period, to find time to yourself. Something that ... (read in full...)
Male suggestions: does he like me for the wrong reasons?
Q. idk wat this fool thinks about me: urgh idk where to start. i kissed him my prom night cuz he was my date but we were not a couple. after prom he has bothered me many times to kiss him again because he was attracted to me after prom i told him no ...
A. 6 January 2010: if you like him, quit playing games and acting like you're unavailable; what wrong reasons are you thinking he likes you, because he was attracted enough to you to want you to kiss him? i don't get it. ... (read in full...)
Why don't I feel bad about losing a baby?
Q. Well, I'll keep this short and simple, I had a miscarriage but I don't feel bad. The man I was pregnant by and I are not on speaking terms any more. All I feel is relief. I didn't wish for this to happen, but am I wrong to not feel bad?...
A. 6 January 2010: I'm glad you didn't have to bring up a baby in that environment and were smart enough to get yourself out of it too.... (read in full...)
Why don't I feel bad about losing a baby?
Q. Well, I'll keep this short and simple, I had a miscarriage but I don't feel bad. The man I was pregnant by and I are not on speaking terms any more. All I feel is relief. I didn't wish for this to happen, but am I wrong to not feel bad?...
A. 5 January 2010: Why do you WANT to feel bad?? The miscarriage was nature's way saying this baby wasn't meant to be, which seems to be for the best given your circumstances with the guy. If you feel guilty for mourning, mourn, but if you don't, don't force yourself ... (read in full...)
I want to see how he's doing but it's been 9 years!
Q. About 9 years ago I met a guy that still has my heart or maybe my mind. He was the first guy that gave me the butterfly feeling. He was also the first guy to make my heart ached. We didn't have an established relationship, we were getting very ...
A. 5 January 2010: I'd try email, just cause it's the least awkward, you can plan how things go on your end, and he has an escape route (the option of not responding). I would just say something like hey x, i know it's been a while and I know I left things on a bad ... (read in full...)
I want to see how he's doing but it's been 9 years!
Q. About 9 years ago I met a guy that still has my heart or maybe my mind. He was the first guy that gave me the butterfly feeling. He was also the first guy to make my heart ached. We didn't have an established relationship, we were getting very ...
A. 5 January 2010: people can change and mature in 10 years, I think it's worth satisfying your curiosity to look into what your former flame is up to these days. maybe you'll rekindle a friendship (or more) out of it!... (read in full...)
How can you tell if you are hemorrhaging?
Q. I really need help and I don't know who to go to. My question is... How can you tell if you are hemorrhaging? I let my friends make feel insecure about my virginity. So, like a dummy I went out and bought a dildo. It's heavy and glass and I've nev...
A. 5 January 2010: assuming you know what your period feels like by now and that this is different pain, you probably tore your hymen a bit or completely. The thing with sex and shoving dildos inside of you is that you have to be REMOTELY in the mood...otherwise ... (read in full...)
Getting slapped by my boyfriend...
Q. I have been in a relationship with a boyfriend for the past 10 months. usually i would tell him whatever i do. since he did not have his mobile for a few days we are not able to contact one another properly. yesterday i had gone to see a movie with ...
A. 5 January 2010: DON'T get back together with him. if he does it once he'll do it again, he clearly has control issues cause what's so bad about you spending time with a good friend? Try to distance yourself from him if he's at your school, otherwise, try not to ... (read in full...)
Broken Heart in Ohio
Q. OK, I'll make it quick. I am an older lesbian in a relationship with a younger lesbian. We have been together for a year and a half, and living together for a year. She has been very smothering and overwhelming and us living in a studio apartment, ...
A. 4 January 2010: I think I would just move on; even though she's saying sweet nothings now, you KNOW how she was when you lived together, kind of a loafer? and unless she's sort of figured out what wasn't working for you and how to change for the better, there's no ... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend touch me?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 18. I've been with him for 6 months, and I'm completely in love with him. He's my first "real" relationship, as in the first that didn't revolve around sex. He cooks for me all the time, he keeps me entertained every ...
A. 4 January 2010: sexuality crossed my mind too, but an alternative may be that he was sexually abused when he was younger and isn't ready for anything physical that might make him...flashback or remember or whatnot. i think his saying that you could find someone ... (read in full...)
I can't forget the nasty words my boyfriend said, he blamed it all on drink, should we break up?
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I hope you can help. Last night opened my eyes quite a lot. Me and my boyfriend and some friends were out for New Year's Eve. We all drank a lot and my boyfriend's best friend, Jamie, kept hugging me and walking with...
A. 1 January 2010: "He always upsets me on nights out after drinking and it's making me go off him a lot."
seems to me that you're ALREADY off him and ON his best friend. why are stringing along your current bf if you're feeling googly and wondering about some... (read in full...)
Insecure about my Vagina's appearance! Help!!
Q. okay big time help needed! i have really really really low self esteem when it comes to men. Not about meeting them, but 'otherwise'. Whenever i am getting intimate i never allow a man to go near my bottom half because i have a vagina that has ...
A. 1 January 2010: everyone's genitalia is a little different, and I think if you sort of preface things so that he isn't freaked out by something he may not have seen before, and so that he can likely assure you that he doesn't care about appearances and you feel ... (read in full...)
I really like this girl and want to ask her out but I have been thinking about my ex lately....
Q. Here's what she does: I sit next to her and she always puts her feet very close to mine, so much it makes me uncomfortable. She doesn't do it to others. Once, she had her leg touching mine, noticeably. I moved away, but put it back touching ag...
A. 28 December 2009: yesssssssss! :)... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 28 December 2009: from the way you've described it it sounds like she has depression because of how withdrawn and disinterested she is--even in christmas! sometimes depressed people also take out their pain on others (emotionally, I mean). I don't know what to do ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him that I don't fogive him after his apology?
Q. so, an ex-boyfriend from about 5 years ago sent me an apology note recently, saying he had treated me wrong and I really hadn't deserved the way he treated me, etc. and I was taken a little aback. I had responded with a sort of nice email back, oh I ...
A. 27 December 2009: sorry to bug you guys again, but now he's sent me a message the day before christmas eve, an old letter I had written from 5 years ago, sort of like you still make me smile. should i just ignore it or send something short and civil back. ... (read in full...)
I really like this girl and want to ask her out but I have been thinking about my ex lately....
Q. Here's what she does: I sit next to her and she always puts her feet very close to mine, so much it makes me uncomfortable. She doesn't do it to others. Once, she had her leg touching mine, noticeably. I moved away, but put it back touching ag...
A. 27 December 2009: I say go for it, it'll give you a chance/boost to help you move on from your ex and on with your life, and all the eye stuff just seems like nervous liking you or something, i don't really see the class clown thing at all! I think you find some ... (read in full...)
Does anybody know about narcissistic personality disorder?
Q. I'm having a hard time coping with the end of my relationship as it is so unique to anything I've been through. My ex suffered from narcissistic personality disorder. I didn't realise this until after we broke up and learning about the disorder ...
A. 26 December 2009: I'm really sorry you went through all of this, the only thing I'd like to Add is that you should dump your counselor and get a new one because you've gone through a lot of trauma and ignoring it is not therapeutic. yes you should try to be busy like ... (read in full...)
What should I do to make my partner happier?
Q. i m inna relation with a guy 4m last 4yrs.we r age 20 now. i m a dental student from a educated family n he has just done his school but hav joined his family bissness. he is 4m an orthodox family. his family is really disapointed by him.his family ...
A. 26 December 2009: the fact that your bf has no support system is NOT an excuse for being violent towards you, who is only trying to help. It is UNACCEPTABLE behavior. I'm afraid he's letting out his true colors...why is it that his family has no respect for him, is ... (read in full...)
How can I get my point across?
Q. At work there is a guy who constantly texts me, telling me how much he likes me, how pretty I am, etc., but he knows that I am still in high school and 5 years younger. He will not leave me alone even though i have stopped texting him and avoid him ...
A. 26 December 2009: tell a supervisor, this is sexual harassment. he/she may even get the guy fired which i think should be enough of a disincentive for him to keep contact with you.... (read in full...)
Any insight on my horrible life?
Q. Im so sick of my life. Everything is so Bleh! UGh! Nothing seems to work out for me.I have to work hard for every tiny lil thing. And it seems as if im cursed and have bad luck because the worst things always happen to me. ANd i can't stand it. Im ...
A. 26 December 2009: is there any part of your family that can help you with a more stable,providing, safe environment, because it sounds like where you are now is not good for your mental well being.... (read in full...)
I'm feeling vulnerable and stupid, please someone, is this possible friendship ruined now?
Q. Ok, I met this guy thru work, we don't work for the same company he delivers product to us at least 2-3 days per week. He gave me a christmas card before I gave him mine. I know we have been flirting, so I wrote in my card call me sometime, but I ...
A. 25 December 2009: I would just add, that it IS the holidays, it's possible he has other things to do at night, or just isn't ready to see someone new around this time of year; i'd say 2 weeks would be a better sign of rejection.... (read in full...)
Tell him or lock it in my head?
Q. I feel confused and wrong. I'm 17 and i'm crushing on my 29 year old teacher. i have it bad, i can't stop thinking about him and being around him makes me excited and happy as well as nervous and scared. i need help i dont know why im feeling this ...
A. 24 December 2009: Don't tell him..he won't help you get over it, if you did tell him he'd either avoid you or be mean to you so that you'd stop liking him. I guess there is the option that he would make a move on you, but that would make him a pedophile technically ... (read in full...)
Do other girls do this? He's changed things up in our sex life!
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and our sexlife is great, but the last month, he has been changing things around and I'm wondering if any other girls do this. He will start with vagina sex, then go to anal, then immediately after ...
A. 24 December 2009: if you're not liking it (and I do NOT blame you) tell him to switch it back to a way you DO like so you both can enjoy yourselves!... (read in full...)
Can anyone make me feel better about this? I think porn has changed the way people perceive women.
Q. Hi. I had a boyfriend a few years back and we'd both never done anything with anyone. when i trusted him, i took my clothes of for the first time in front of him and the first thing he said was "Urgh, youre not like the girls off porn" I was very ...
A. 24 December 2009: I think inexperienced people who watch porn especially have a warped sense of expectations, because they never, or rarely, encounter normal (not enhanced, not fake, not made up, not on camera, etc.) female bodies. But I think that there are a lot of ... (read in full...)
I told him I had been treated for genital warts after we had sex? Would you forgive me?
Q. I slept with someone and didn't tell him I had been treated for genital warts nine months ago. I felt guilty and told him after we had sex. Would you forgive me?...
A. 24 December 2009: No..that's misleading someone and how are you going to build trust in a relationship when you're causing, as far as I know, permanent physical damage to someone? Not cool at all. You have a responsibility with your std to tell your potential ... (read in full...)
Which one likes me and which one should I go out with?
Q. Okay so i need some help i am 13 and iv liked the same guy for 3 years and i like everything about him but he can be a jerk to other people but not to me and i dont think he knows i like him but i relly do!! And he always gave me hugs when i had a ...
A. 24 December 2009: it's hard to say if either of them likes you a bunch; why don't you try to go out with the cousin best friend guy with also the cousin so he feels comfortable- see a movie and get pizza or something after, and he's sort of more in his comfort zone ... (read in full...)
Hooked up with my neighbor, who happens to be a woman, and married... oh, and he was there too!
Q. This is the strangest thing for me to talk about, but I have no one to talk to about it, literally, so I've come here. My neighbor is also my best friend. She's married and has kids. In the past she was gay (for 5 years) and we've always jok...
A. 24 December 2009: it seems to me that there WAS a question--the "i'm kind of obsessed with my friend after a threesome what should I do"
...I think it warrants a legitimate answer even though it may not be either of our cups of tea, and I don't know why you thin... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 23 December 2009: seems that she's just a bad communicator, like she thinks you should already know what makes you a bad daughter but you're a little clueless. why don't you ask her point blank what can i do to make things better around here for us/for you/ for our ... (read in full...)
Hooked up with my neighbor, who happens to be a woman, and married... oh, and he was there too!
Q. This is the strangest thing for me to talk about, but I have no one to talk to about it, literally, so I've come here. My neighbor is also my best friend. She's married and has kids. In the past she was gay (for 5 years) and we've always jok...
A. 23 December 2009: I apologize for the jugmental prudes on here..gives dearcupid a bad name, in my opinion.
It's unfortunate that you didn't consider the implications of your threesome before it had occurred...sounds like a bit of a pandora's box.
seems to ... (read in full...)
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