A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaDude
writes:Ok, I met this girl online about 2 months ago and we hit it off and started dating. She lives 50 miles away. She works during the week and has weekends off so I try to go up on the weekends. We are VERY into each other and have already agreed to get together as soon as I graduate from college to eliminate the distance. This will happen in 1 more semester. So the current situation is developing a relationship with 50 miles apart. Now this girl is very independent. She is 26 (I am 22) and she has a career already established. I have a son whom I will gain custody of soon and she has so far overlooked that.Here is the current issue. Everything has been great so far, but I am starting to sense maybe that she feels our relationship is too smothering. This past weekend I went to go see her and took my child with me since I had him. Well he didn't behave his best and I could see it was frustrating my gf (as it was me). Later I had a chance to talk to her about things (when the boy was with his grandmas house) and she was telling me that she feels bad because she does not have patience around my son when he is having a fit. That she feels guilty for her frustration. She then apologized for being lazy. What I mean by lazy is that she never comes to see me: I always go to see her. I have requested her to see me but she makes excuses like she doesn't drive well, but I have seen her drive and she is ok. Well she apologized to me and told me she doesn't want me to feel hurt that she doesn't go that it is only that her parents raised her to believe the guy should be the one visiting. She seemed emotional in this apology and her eyes got watery because she knows sometimes I get frustrated.Then something else left her lips. She mentioned how she is really tired and that she was so used to her routine before she met me. She would have the weekend to relax and do her things and now she seems very caught up in a situation to where she has no time for herself. Up until this point things have been great but now I am extremely concerned. I believe I love this girl and have great potential for her. I don't mind making the visits, but I don't want to be putting a lot of pressure on her. We have talked every night and texted throughout the day, and I am thinking maybe if I ease off the texting and calling throughout the week and let her do her thing then when I see her on the weekends she will have more energy and won't feel sapped. Yesterday I didn't text her at all, and she neither texted or called me. This morning I sent her a "good morning sweetie" and she replied "to you too" and nothing else since. Can I have some light shined on this situation? I know she cares about me but I feel this relationship has caught her by surprise. What should I do? Am I putting too much space between us now? I'm kinda waiting for her to want to call and talk to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): She just told you that it's more important for her to laz around the house than see you- HINT, HINT... she's selfish. Dump her, she's not long term material- you need to keep looking for someone worth your time.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (23 December 2009):
 Another option, if you don't really aren't ready to break up, is to try to see her maybe every other weekend, so she has her "Me time" all to her self, twice a month. 50 miles away though is NOT a far drive, (I had a 240 mile drive I would undertake once a month to see my bf) and I would be concerned about her..disgust? at your child, esp. since you're getting custody soon. I'm thinking maybe making more space for her will let you see how into it she is, maybe she'll make more of an effort to try to see you, even. some people are just no good at long distance, but still have good potential for the close distance which is coming up soon. just try to gauge her responses and effort if you draw back a little, and see if it's the right environment for you and your son/daughter to be in.
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A
female
reader, anastatia +, writes (22 December 2009):
back away now before she breaks your heart. you are young and will meet many other fabulous women in your life. the mere fact that she does not come to see you is an indication that she is not as dedicated to the relationship as you are...intuitively there is something wrong with your sex life as well.
move on
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