A
male
age
36-40,
*c1985
writes:Hi, I broke up with my girlfriend three days ago. Sorry that this is quite long, I just think detais are important.We were together for 3 and a half years, lived together for the last one and a half years. We are both 24. She has just finished a teaching course that took a year and was very intensive. I supported her through this and paid for everything as I wanted her to have a courier she was proud of. I have always treated her well.She has been complaining recently that we dont have enough in common and we used to do more together. I told her that this is due to her course which takes her evenings up. She always complains that life is soo difficult but I try to make it as easy for her as I can by doing just about anything for her and paying for everything.A few weekends ago I spent the weekend with some friends on a windsurfing trip. She was happy for me to see my friends and we spoke often and she seemed happy. When I got home she complained that I woke her up. I said welcome home sarcastically and she got upset with me. I said never mind lets just sleep. This aggrovated her somehow and she ended up saying why don't you just hit me. This really shocked me as I have never hit her, never threatened to and never thought of it. The next day she didn't seem to realise how she upset me.We travelled to see our families for christmas, they live in the same area. I took three weeks off work to spend more time with her and do all the things we used to. since we have been here she has been "too tired" to do anything.I phoned her to see if it was alright to come over but she said that she is not allowed visitors. I haven't done anything for her parents not to like me. I think that her mother is very house proud and didn't think it was tidy enough. So I suggested she came to mine as I had'nt seen her for 4 days. She asked why do I want to see her which is a very odd question as the answer is obvious. I got angry that she said that and just said its over.I didn't ring her back and neither did she. I next heard from her last night. She texted me "This is on of the hardest decisions I have had to make, please understang i am trying to follow my conscience. please reply, I want to make sure you are okay". This makes out that she left me and not the other way round which makes no sence to me because I left her! If she had made the decision earlier anyway then why did she not tell me with an explanation.I have a suspicion that her mother is manipulating her in a sly way. as she has always wanted her daughters to never leave.My quesion is just for anybody to make sense of any of this because I still have strong feelings for her but I think she has problems that I cant fix.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 You have gone out of your way to give her both emotional and financial support. Very generous, but then she means a great deal to you.
I agree with fishdish that she may very well be mentally and emotionally worn out with her studies. We do tend to lash out (no, its not fair, but unfortunately its all too human) to the ones we are closest to when we are stressed and worried beyond belief.
Maybe you should back off for a while and see what happens. Perhaps she will come out of the "craziness" - that's what it sounds like - and want to be close to you again........just give it some time and space. Good luck!
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 December 2009):
 I personally don't think it's too much motherly manipulation, just because like you said you've been together for YEARS, why right now would she step in and take over? she sounds a little burnt out from the school stuff and maybe she's taking that out on you and you can't win either way. Maybe she pushed you away on purpose, thus her text. I think she needs time to herself to rest and also to appreciate you, because there seems to be a lack of it (with you supporting her and her still complaining). I would just wait it out, maybe you'll both come around in a few weeks.
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