A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:Just curious on what your take is on this, because I've heard two different camps. A lot of people on this site say relationships take work and you need to work at it to keep it in good order; then there are other people who say that when you're in love, everything, or most things, in the relationship just come easy; who is 'right', or is it just that one refers to a more long term kind of relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): For me, it "just comes" at the beginning of a relationship (the so-called "honeymoon phase"). After this time, however, it can be hard work to sustain. Depending on how well-suited you are to each other, the hard work can start a month after dating, or it can start ten years into a marriage. Some couples celebrate their 60th wedding anniversaries claiming that they never had to work at it. So go figure! :)
The crucial part is when you hit one of those dips, that you both seek some sort of counselling to open up communication and get through it.
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I don't think there can be any comparing to other peoples relationships.
There could be struggles we never see in a seemingly perfect relationship or conversely the couples that appear to be at odds may actually be quite content with each other.
What Mr.Q said about it being a labor of love is quite right. The only thing I would add is that the labor must be shared. That is the key to making everything else work.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (7 December 2009):
fishdish is verified as being by the original poster of the question interesting points; I get nervous sometimes, because I do feel like my relationship is a lot of work, but to hear that this is normal and also a benefit to the relationship, instead of feeling like 'oh why can't we be one of those couples who feel like everything's easy because love makes it so' makes me feel better.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (7 December 2009):
There will be good times and bad in any relationship. The question is not even if the love is there. Love is a strong foundation for sure but I believe it is far more than love alone. The question is can you have faith in another human being...can you put that much trust in somebody else...can you be true and worthy of the faith that your loved one puts in you??
Loving another human being is easy in comparison to putting faith in them.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Even the easiest relationships in the world take work!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): i don't believe it just comes.
people can say that, but the thing is, a real relationship DOES have ups and downs and so it should be worked at.
if you always had ups with no downs, you start to take it for granted, you don't appreciate what it takes.
if you want it to work, you work, do your best, put all you can in. it's just the way it is.
every relationship takes time and hard work. even with members of the family.. even though you have disagreements, you still love them right?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 December 2009):
It's really a matter of both. There's a very fine line between a relationship being easy and being too hard. The reason why a relationshp can be too hard or take too much work is when two people come together; however, they lack the correct communication to mesh together, they're on different pages of their lives, one is more mature than the other, or they want different things. So in essence, when two people just aren't compatible but try to make things work, it's really a lost cause and it takes a lot of work but they accomplish nothing. At least no until they are both on the same level, which may be never.
On the other hand, if you have a couple who communicate well, understand one another, are on the same page, and want the same things, then that's a relationship that will probably work and be "easy." However, no one is perfect and there are going to be disagreements. So not everything is going to be perfect and fall into place. But if the couple has a common goal and a love for one another, then it's going to take work because they both want it to work out--but the work will just be more worthwhile and will have accomplished something in the end.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Alright, both things are correct, in their own way. First off: when you're with someone who's right for you, things will be easy. They can stumble, but the basics will be there. You get along well. You can do the activities you enjoy together. You get along. You meet each others need. Love grows. The love sparkled will come easily, and things work out easily. But unless you keep giving, and letting the love grow, and treat it right, the love will end. Easy come easy go, so easy come: you need to work hard so it wont go.
But: if something is fundamentally wrong from the very start, it wont matter how much work you put into it, because it will always be a problem. Say he doesn't want to get married while you do. Thats a fundamental issue that you can't get by no matter how hard you work on the relationship. Say he cant stand sex while you are addicted to it? Again something hard work can't really fix.
There's a right time for when things should be easy, and there's a right time for when things need that both people work on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Well I think that the answer is really a "yes and no" kind of answer. Relationships will always be some degree of work. The biggest in my opinion being communication. I find that most of the time when relationships don't work it's because one or both of the people in it won't just open up to the other and talk about things. At the same time I find that when it's right you won't mind any of the work. Mostly the work in a relationship (in my experience) comes from when the real world gets in the way. The relationship between the two of you when it's right isn't usually the problem. It's, dealing with any potential long distance, not being able to spend enough time together, or spending too much time together, dealing with friends, family, etc. etc. etc.
It's never completely devoid of work but as long as you two communicate the work won't seem like any big deal.
Another key is that since you are talking about long term, never stop working at making your relationship better. It could be a 10/10 in your opinion and there's always room for improvement. It's like trying to better yourself as a person. Just because you're accomplished and happy where you are doesn't mean you should stop trying to better yourself. If you do, the only thing that can happen is you will stay as you are or things will get better.
Never stop trying to make things better and never stop working at a relationship, even if things are ok without you having to.
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female
reader, Miss Pot Noodle  +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Nothing in life is easy, those whom say it is are either lying or hiding something. It does take work and time to make it happen, but the rewards you get for all the hard work are phenomenal.
Over time when you realise that person isn't what you want you tend to get more experienced over what you do want, and thats when it begins to feel like its easy. By the time you find mr or mrs right, you know what you want and everything does seem to slot into place and then you know, they are your soulmate. That's when I believe it becomes better but not easy, as thats near impossible to have there will always be something underlying no matter how trivial.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Luck (or Satan the Devil) can bring you an absolutely wonderful person, and that person can fall for you, et cetera. But, if you don't work hard at keeping that person, the wonderful relationship will come to an end.
I suppose your friends mean that things are really easy when both parties are in the honeymoon stage and both really want to make things work. Honeymoon stages don't last forever, and it is then that you have to work hard to keep relationships going.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 December 2009):
A long term relationship, where both people are happy, takes work and understanding. I can understand people saying it just happens, short term. But it takes work. Sometimes, people say it's easy because it seems to be working. Really, it may not be. You need to make sure that time is put into a relationship, that you listen and understand and such. But they all take work.
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