| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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What do we need to work on to better our sex life?
Q. three years ago I brought up a sexual comment to spice up the night and my husband threw me off,maybe we had a fight before, i dont know. Today I feel that he is not the sensual guy. There are other times that I see that he is not into the sensual ...
A. 15 October 2009: well I would just emphasize to him that when you do talk to him about sexy stuff, it's because you're interested in him and sexual things with him, and all those guys are so much in the past you don't even think about them anymore. I don't know if ... (read in full...)
When I laugh my muscles go weak, is this normal?
Q. hello quick question umm when i laugh i cant control myself and my muscles go weak and i end up being really floppy. today when i was laughing a when really floppy and i was eating when it happened and i couldn't physically close my mouth. is th...
A. 13 October 2009: I have never heard of this, maybe it's an issue with your body needing oxygen? I have no idea. I think it's something you might want to check on with a doctor, what if you're driving and laugh? I'd be a little concerned about the aftereffects, ... (read in full...)
My gal says she has lost the spark ... and is now in love with another guy...
Q. Hey... well I was in an intense relationship with a gal...with both of us in love with each other...she used to call me her soul mate...and she was the same for me... It was a spiritual connection for both of us and we both involved emotionally...
A. 13 October 2009: I would wait out this relationship with the other guy. she sounds like she's not even that invested in it, as she said she didn't care what happens in it. I think she saw him as a sort of, refuge from the troubles she was having with you but when ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her it's over?
Q. My girlfriend and her roommate (male, also my childhood friend) are getting too close. He is getting sexual and crossing the line and being disrespectful. We both met my girlfriend about 4 months ago and I started dating her, but then he moved in ...
A. 13 October 2009: Why don't you try to get her to move in with you? I would try to tell her to be with you (by moving in, or at least backing off that other guy) or it's over, i really don't think she understands the consequences. And if she gets defensive and thinks ... (read in full...)
Am I gay (honest opinions only)?
Q. i'm a 27 year old and have been thinking bout men since i was 17. it started as a little bit here and there like one day think about men the next i think about women. i had a sense of guilt when i masturbate thinking bout men when i blow. at the age ...
A. 13 October 2009: I disagree that once you touch a guy you're no longer straight or that you're officially gay. I would continue to push yourself to figure out who you're more comfortable with; for me I'm sexually attractive to girls, that's pretty much the only ... (read in full...)
What do we need to work on to better our sex life?
Q. three years ago I brought up a sexual comment to spice up the night and my husband threw me off,maybe we had a fight before, i dont know. Today I feel that he is not the sensual guy. There are other times that I see that he is not into the sensual ...
A. 13 October 2009: I'm not following:
-he threw you off of his body mid-act, or he just rejected your comments?
-it's an issue of you wanting to talk dirty and him thinking you're a whore because you've been with a lot of guys and he's reminded of that, instead ... (read in full...)
Does intermittently questioning yourself and your love necessarily mean you don't love?
Q. This question may be asked a little too late, but I'll go into it anyway. Do you ever question your love for your partner, or do you think this necessarily means that you don't love the person? I feel strongly, and believe I care deeply for my pa...
A. 23 November 2008: Thanks so much for the support, I was really stressing out. I don't really understand your second comment though, are you saying that once it seems off it never gets back to 'normal'? ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me to run from him but I don't see him in that light at all...
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a little dilemma. I met this guy online and we hit it off from the very first meeting. I told him from the start that I was not looking for anything serious and just wanted someone to have fun and a casual relationship wit...
A. 17 November 2008: I agree with moongoddess-don't listen to others or judge from you past relationships, maybe you need something a little refreshingly new and different from your old man. I wouldn't necessarily factor his being a vet either into anything, he may have ... (read in full...)
Is there a right way to have sex and what mood should we do it in?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about 2 years and I really love him and we know we're both ready to move onto the next step of our relationship, we both know about protection and all that but is there a right way to have sex? or is it bad to plan out ...
A. 17 November 2008: yea I would take it slow a nd just see where things lead naturally..it is much better to get all turned on for things to come (heh no pun intended) versus dedicating a night starting off with sex, because you could be way too tight and dry to j ... (read in full...)
My two best friends are a gay couple and I have fallen for one of them! Help!
Q. My two best friends are a gay couple that have been together for 4 years. I know how crazy what im about to say sounds but I have completly fallen for one of them. We have the closest relationship and at times I truelly believe he feels the same ...
A. 17 November 2008: THat's really difficult and I feel for you. I would consider diversifying your spending time with other friends...find worth and validation and happiness with people that are not already taken, if only to create some emotional distance between you ... (read in full...)
The more times we kissed each other, the more distant he has become...
Q. I am best friends with this guy, he has told me before i am one of his best girl mates.. We have kissed each other (properly) when we were drinking quite a few times.. then we seem to go on as if nothing has happened until it happens again. ...
A. 20 August 2008: What was his track record beforehand, I think that can be a big predictor of how he handled the situation, his sudden coldness may not be anything personal, that is. I have a feelin though that he may have felt uncomfortable or had second thoughts ... (read in full...)
He kidnapped me and now talks in terms of marriage. Should I tell him I don't want to?
Q. I'm 16 and I recently met this guy, he seemed so nice and sweet and now we are living together. He's 25 and he has a good job and a girlfriend but he tells me he doesn't love her. I used to live at home but like the knight he is, he rescued me from ...
A. 20 August 2008: Honestly, I am really concerned for you..I don't want to offend you, but it tends to be characteristic of an abusive partner when he not only goes out with a minor, when he (clearly) can have someone his age, but also goes to extremes to show his ... (read in full...)
I was mugged and I may have internal bleeding. My boyfriend still wants to go away for the weekend?!!
Q. I got mugged and punched really hard in the stomach. The doctor said I may have internal bleeding, and to monitor how I feel. The pain has got worse so I called the doctor again who said it didn't sound good and if I started to feel dizzy etc to ...
A. 2 August 2008: It sounds like you may have downplayed the whole thing, I'm not even sure if you mentioned the 'I could go unconscious and die' part to him..it sounds like you may have just said I got hurt and I might want someone to stay with me, but that's cool, ... (read in full...)
I was mugged and I may have internal bleeding. My boyfriend still wants to go away for the weekend?!!
Q. I got mugged and punched really hard in the stomach. The doctor said I may have internal bleeding, and to monitor how I feel. The pain has got worse so I called the doctor again who said it didn't sound good and if I started to feel dizzy etc to ...
A. 2 August 2008: It sounds like you may have downplayed the whole thing, I'm not even sure if you mentioned the 'I could go unconscious and die' part to him..it sounds like you may have just said I got hurt and I might want someone to stay with me, but that's cool, ... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm bisexual?
Q. Hey I'm a bit confused about my sexuality i mean I'm getting married in 5wks to the most fantastic bloke I could wish for but I fantasize about having sex with women when I watch porn it has to involve at least 2 women I've had 3 somes with women ...
A. 1 August 2008: I've gone through this...for me, I've decided that I don't know who I would date next, a boy or a girl, but it doesn't matter because I'm with the person I want to be with for a looong time, with an unforseeable ending. I think your attractions ... (read in full...)
I feel controlled by my girlfriend, but I wonder if I am the one in the wrong.
Q. Hi, I'm having problems with my girlfriend but im not sure if it is me who is in the wrong. I'm 30 and she is nearly 27. We have been going out 4 mths now, and I normally see her a few times a week. However she doesnt like me arranging social a...
A. 1 August 2008: It could be that she is insecure or lonely or that she wants more time with you than that she wants to control your life. Also, as for the 'consultations' i'd say that it could be to simply mentally prepare herself for those times you won't be ... (read in full...)
My husband's male friend is at our home, almost every other weekend, our sexual acts have changed, could my husband be cheating on me with his male friend?
Q. My husband has a best friend that he hangs out with all of the time. He has recently gotten to the point where he goes outside to talk with him. I came home one day on my lunch break and when his friend called he was speaking in codes, and finally ...
A. 30 July 2008: I agree with the Wulf dude...Regardless of whether something sexual IS going on, the fact that there is so much time being spent to the point that you think it could be a relationship is enough just cause for a sit down and a reassessment of your ... (read in full...)
I keep thinking to myself: SHES MY FRIEND! I don't want to think about her in black lingerie!
Q. Sigh... I'm 22, not a daft wee boy. Sure as hell feel like one. I have a female friend, and sadly I've developed feelings for her, I now have a crush on her :( I thought that perhaps it was just the fact that it a progression due to the emotional...
A. 30 July 2008: If you want to stop disrespecting her then you can tell her the truth so she can understand where you're coming from-- I mean leave off the lingerie part, but you have to tell her what's going on, if you want any part of your friendship to remain ... (read in full...)
I keep thinking to myself: SHES MY FRIEND! I don't want to think about her in black lingerie!
Q. Sigh... I'm 22, not a daft wee boy. Sure as hell feel like one. I have a female friend, and sadly I've developed feelings for her, I now have a crush on her :( I thought that perhaps it was just the fact that it a progression due to the emotional...
A. 30 July 2008: If you want to stop disrespecting her then you can tell her the truth so she can understand where you're coming from-- I mean leave off the lingerie part, but you have to tell her what's going on, if you want any part of your friendship to remain ... (read in full...)
I keep thinking to myself: SHES MY FRIEND! I don't want to think about her in black lingerie!
Q. Sigh... I'm 22, not a daft wee boy. Sure as hell feel like one. I have a female friend, and sadly I've developed feelings for her, I now have a crush on her :( I thought that perhaps it was just the fact that it a progression due to the emotional...
A. 30 July 2008: If you want to stop disrespecting her then you can tell her the truth so she can understand where you're coming from-- I mean leave off the lingerie part, but you have to tell her what's going on, if you want any part of your friendship to remain ... (read in full...)
People were worried about me. Now I'm geting worried myself. Do I need a psychiatrist?
Q. This is going to sound wierd, but people are concerned about my mental health and to be honest, so am I. I am VERY paranoid, if something happens I DO take it the wrong way every time, so that it ends up like things are against me.I panic easily, ...
A. 20 July 2008: It doesn't hurt to see a counselor or a psychologist to determine whether you are too unstable, but a lot of the symptoms you're noting sound like what come with the teen years(perhaps you are an only child and your family is not used to these ... (read in full...)
He sort of half asked me to marry him by doing a text and not sending it but showing me instead. Then he acts like I've said no. I'm really confused.
Q. hi i was wondering if anoyne could maybe help ok ill get to the point me and my bf have been together for 2year and 5mnth like evrey relationship weve had are ups and downs but we get on really well it was his birthday not so long ago i didnt have...
A. 20 July 2008: Why would you act like it never happened? If you act like that then it IS a form of rejecting his proposal, however awkward.... (read in full...)
He sort of half asked me to marry him by doing a text and not sending it but showing me instead. Then he acts like I've said no. I'm really confused.
Q. hi i was wondering if anoyne could maybe help ok ill get to the point me and my bf have been together for 2year and 5mnth like evrey relationship weve had are ups and downs but we get on really well it was his birthday not so long ago i didnt have...
A. 18 July 2008: You two are so materialistic! In your account of what happened, you don't mention your response besides questioning his action and then creeping around the incident and not discussing it, so why WOULDN"T he think you rejected him? neither of you ... (read in full...)
Does he want me to regain the weight I lost, because he likes larger women, or what, he lost, and he looks good, he also watches skinny girls in porn, what goes?
Q. I have lost weight and still in the process of losing. I'm feeling sexier and more confident and finally fitting back into my skinny jeans. I was telling me boyfriend the other night how much I have lost. He told me he'd rather that I gain some ...
A. 18 July 2008: It sounds like he may have felt guilty about the porn situation and the discussion about the skinny girls so when he saw you trying to lose weight he didn't like that he had influenced you to change your body for him, but just explain to him it was ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend became my stepsister!
Q. Ever since september 2007, my girlfreind and i have been together. She turned 16 last week and my B-day is in august. We've been happy and hav'nt had any big problems with each other, but what we didnt know up until feburary that year is that her ...
A. 18 July 2008: Not to be mean, but your parents sound like completely selfish people. They expect you two, the original lovers, if you will, to break it off and cut your romantic ties for their own relationship, and then they act clueless when they see you near ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend became my stepsister!
Q. Ever since september 2007, my girlfreind and i have been together. She turned 16 last week and my B-day is in august. We've been happy and hav'nt had any big problems with each other, but what we didnt know up until feburary that year is that her ...
A. 18 July 2008: Not to be mean, but your parents sound like completely selfish people. They expect you two, the original lovers, if you will, to break it off and cut your romantic ties for their own relationship, and then they act clueless when they see you near ... (read in full...)
He asked if I would wear a strap on and take him from behind?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months now. We were fine at first but now.... He has started asking really difficult sexual favours from me. He recently asked me if i would wear and strap on and take him from behind?!?! I didnt know what ...
A. 18 July 2008: To piggyback off of uncle sneakers' comments, it sounds as though this IS a request and not a demand, or some void he needs filled so that he is sexually satisfied, you said he says he's satisfied, and that he is willing to compromise on what you're ... (read in full...)
Am I a lesbian?
Q. I'm 12 years old and I'm not sure if i'm lesbian. last week me and my best friends had a sleep over and we all started fingering each other. I masturbate to lesbian porn and I don't get turned on by boys. Am I lesbian?...
A. 18 July 2008: Regardless of whether you're gay or straight, you're way too young to be watching gay porn, that is for ADULTS which is why it is called ADULT film. If what you're doing is confusing you, maybe you shouldn't do it! take a step back, and think about ... (read in full...)
I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach, does it mean we're not meant for each other?
Q. I have a very important question. When me and my bf kiss I don't feel butterflys or weak in the knees or things like they say in books and such. Does that mean were not meant for each other? He feels it but I don't. My bf thinks I don't feel it ...
A. 18 July 2008: I'm like that too. I think that those feelings are fairly fake, and romanticized as real...even if others feeling them, those feelings that you're looking for are not fully indicative of your caring about and for someone...they indicate lust maybe, ... (read in full...)
How to I Stop Having Urges to Self-Injure?
Q. I know this isn't a romance question but maybe you can help me anyway. Over the last year I've been having more trouble dealing with my problems in healthy ways, and when I am overwhelmed my knee jerk thought is to hurt myself, to cut myself ...
A. 22 June 2008: I wrote this a while back, and just wanted to update you all and say that the urges to hurt myself have significantly decreased, I'd say 1 urge per 1-2 months, but it's no longer my gut reaction when there's a troubling issue in my life. Thank you ... (read in full...)
I've been having an awful lot of vaginal discharge and I have no medical insurance... should I be concerned?
Q. I've been having an awful lot of vaginal disharge lately. I've always had it now and then, but lately it seems like after a day, the crotch of my panties are lined with it! It's thick and white with just the slightest yellow tint. It's also cau...
A. 13 June 2008: Sounds like a yeast infection to me though, in which case, the yogurt treatment would be most helpful, though it wouldn't if you had both a vaginal and a yeast. I just saw this ad on TV that promoted a kit that diagnosis whether you have a vaginal ... (read in full...)
I was so unhappy I thought I had no choice but to split up with him. Should I write him a letter explaining why?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend of nearly a year on saturday. I did this because I felt we had been getting more and more distant. He would ignore me and seemed more interested in going to the pub than spending time with me. Just before we split up he ...
A. 2 May 2008: Well, if it's only been 6 days I would definitely think that this is still viable, go tell him you were too quick to react and it was a mistake... (read in full...)
Does he mean it or is it sex talk?...
Q. Ok we have had sex three times the first time it was 1 min long. The next two times he put it on me! He lasted.....he's very shy but he tells me during sex that I have some good puss when guys say that do they really mean it. He always tells me how ...
A. 2 May 2008: perhaps that's why he doesn't last so long, cause you're so good ;)... (read in full...)
I was so unhappy I thought I had no choice but to split up with him. Should I write him a letter explaining why?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend of nearly a year on saturday. I did this because I felt we had been getting more and more distant. He would ignore me and seemed more interested in going to the pub than spending time with me. Just before we split up he ...
A. 2 May 2008: I've tried this move before, the not explaining what was really bugging me and instead jumping the gun to breakup mode instead of actually addressing the issues. I also tried to talk to the ex MANY months after what happened, just for closure's ... (read in full...)
She's going away soon - do I ask her out and risk the friendship?
Q. Lately i have been wondering if i should ask one of my best friends out. The only thing is i wont see her for 3 months when she goes back home for summer. A while back i took her out for lunch and had a good chat and from that point we became ...
A. 2 May 2008: I don't know if I'd be as forward as "let's go out sometime" because you're too uncertain, but I think I would lay a little foundation for when she comes back , just plant a seed in her mind to get her thinking about the possibility of you two ... (read in full...)
Do I have a butt fetish here? Anyone else? Does it make me a pervet?
Q. Ladies, do you like it when a guy kisses and licks your butt cheeks? Does it make you sexually aroused? The reason I ask is I love doing this for a woman. I think a woman's butt is the sexiest part of her body, so when I see a woman's bare butt, I ...
A. 2 May 2008: I agree with LJ I think it's sweet, a cute way of showing affection. I like having my butt worshipped, I've gotten some butt confidence from my boyfriend's friendly words (and actions) towards it! Definitely not creeped out over here! ... (read in full...)
I've been developing some strange sexual fetishes. Will this affect my relationships?
Q. Hi, I am a 24 year old male from England. I am quite a good looking lad and don't really have any problem getting the girls, the only problem is I am confused as to what turns me on at the moment and it is the wrong sort of girls i attract. Si...
A. 30 April 2008: This probably isn't the answer you're looking for, but nobody's normal, normal is a construction, and sexually normal pretty much just means being missionary the rest of your life. I think that you should just accept that this is the scene you're ... (read in full...)
Woman on top advice needed!
Q. Ok my boyfriend of 9months asked me about 3 months ago would i go on top during sex just for a change, i said no cause i havent a clue what to do and he was ok with that.but personally i tried it with my ex and it just didnt work for us. I would ...
A. 29 April 2008: something that i always had trouble with before was leverage? that is, I would have on leg on either side of my man's body but didn't even feel him in me during the up and down motion, so what i've found instead works nicely for me, is one leg the ... (read in full...)
I don't think my girlfriend is comfortable with my new facial scars!
Q. Hey, I'm just a bit unsure of what to do here. Bit of background, I've been in the army for 3 years now, I went on overseas deployment and ended up getting wounded and coming home early. I now have some bad scaring on my face. I know it doesn't ...
A. 16 April 2008: I'm sure her comments aren't meant to sound ungrateful that you're alive but rather indicates her wish that things could just go 'back to normal,' to before you were overseas. It may not even signfy to her disfigurement but as a permanent reminder ... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and half months and we already had sex.
Q. if i am on the shot and he cums in me more than once and one time the day before i get the shot is it possible that i could be pregnate?? he tells me that i am the first girl that he has never used a condum with me and that he wants me to have his ...
A. 16 April 2008: I'm assuming 'on the shot' is a form of birth control? obviously if you're on birth control you're not going to be getting pregnant, I don't know why you'd leap to that meaning that you were infertile, that's far-fetched. Maybe you can cross that ... (read in full...)
She can't say the "L" word!
Q. I am with a woman who can't say the L-word. We have been together a year and a half and I feel like the woman. I say "I love you" and I get silence...she cant say it and tells me anytime she ever said it in her life everything went wrong---but i ...
A. 6 April 2008: I am also one who has trouble just spitting out I love you all the time. I do think that is putting a lot of trust in the other person's hands that I wouldn't feel comfortable with. Plus, I only like to say it when it feels genuine. I do say I love ... (read in full...)
He was drunk and said he never wants to speak to me again... sober, he said he can't remember.
Q. Last night me, my boyfriend and quite a few friends were out in town. All of us extremely drunk. At the end of the night my boyfriend told me to leave him alone and he never wants to speak to me or see me ever again, I don't know why because I ...
A. 6 April 2008: I think I would trust him on this, you gave him a way out of the relationship if he wanted it, and he resisted and said he wanted you. It really just sounds like the drinking went a little out of control, sometimes people say things TOTALLY from ... (read in full...)
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