A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend works 2 jobs, during the day she is an optician and in the evening she works behind the bar in a pub. we have been together for 6 months and at first things were ok at the pub, she used to like me going and talking to some of the blokes and chilling out ( ive been taking medication so i havent had a drink for over a year, which doesnt bother me at all)my g/f is a bubbly chatty person and is well suited to both jobs she does, however over the past few months i have noticed a certain group of men in the pub are very friendly with her, they always wait for her to serve them and will stand at the bar talking to her. they give me smug looks and act very cocky and arrogant with me, i have tried talking to them several times, but they always ignore me and sit giving me these looks and grinning. i have also noticed that when she goes out to collect glasses they keep her at their table talking i have even noticed them holding her arm and touching or stroking her. my g/f always seems to be smiling unless she notices me looking at which point she gets a guilty look about her and hurries away. when i have brought this up with her she tells me im paranoid and that she gets paid to be friendly with the "PUNTERS". I understand that but i also believe that there is a limit to being friendly. I know that men (especially when they have alcohol) will try it on with women, but i find it embarrasing, upsetting and demoralising having to sit there and watch these men drool and slaver all over my girlfriend, especially as it is done right in front of my face and they obviously arent bothered that im sat there cos they seem to take pleasure from doing it in front of me. this is starting to have a really negative effect on me, my girlfriend says that if i carry on getting bothered by it she will stop me going to the pub. i have heard them try it on with some of the other barmaids who always laugh at what gets said but tell them that they are taken and happy with their men.my g/f however never seems to put them off and laughs and jokes with them as if she enjoys it and encourages what they do.i love my g/f very much she has changed my life in so many ways, and in some respect i am flattered that men desire her, its just that i feel like im getting slapped in the face every time i walk int the pub with her, i know if i carry on she will tell me she doesnt want me going, in which case my head will tear itself apart thinking about what is happening while im not there, i know you guys will tell me that if there is no trust then it wont work, its just i have been cheated on by my last 3 g/f's and i have a bit of an inferriority complex and find it difficult to fully trust anyone at all. by the way i am 29 and my g/f is 27. i do love her and am scared of losing her but im going out of my mind someone please help PLEASE Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): Hello. You seem to be getting yourself in a pickle about this. It sounds as if she meant well by inviting you to the pub. And that shows she doesnt have anything to hide. But youre turning it into a case of sitting watching her for any signs shes enjoying male attention! And youve even started being suspicious of her for not telling everyone she has a boyfriend when theyre having a banter with her. That must make her feel very uncomfortable when shes trying to work. And it is work! Im sure if she wanted to run off with one of those bozos, she would have done so a long time ago. Either dont go to the pub when shes working or offer to find an evening job and take some of the financial pressure off her, bless her
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 you DO understand that her compliance and smiles are what get her the tips right? she has the option of feeling like a piece of meat or to sort of be 'in on the joke' as she swindles these guys for all they allow themselves to pour over her. she can't take a bunch of drunkards that seriously, and when you're pretty sober, dealing with horny slobs is one of the last things that is attractive. I wouldnt' worry about her and I wouldn't make her quit one of means of making money. I understand your bad past with some ladies, but these ladies aren't the lady you are with now. try not to be so protective of her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): How often are you there? They are probably doing it more because you are there.
Guys chat up bar maids, it's just what they do. I used to be work in pubs and I have heard every line and under the sun and pretty much I didn't stop them unless what they were saying crossed the line. Your girl friend wouldn't last very long as a barmaid if she slapped down every chat up line.
Stop worrying and trust her.
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