A
female
age
41-50,
*arykate
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm going out with my boyfriend for nearly four years and love him to bits in every way. Over the last year his sex drive has decreased dramatically and I cannot figure out whyI'm every bit as attracted to him as I was from day one and would like to make love more regularly. Now he will make love to me once or twice a week still but its me thats initiating it and I think he's only doing it for my sake and he has no real interest which does nothing for my confidence. He hasn't changed in any other way, he still cuddles up to me loads and pay me loads of attention and tells me he loves me. I love him to but feel very sad that he's not as interested in that side of our relationship as much anymore. What can I do to put the spark back in our relationship.
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confidence, sex drive, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): am sorry i am going to give you an honest male perspective- which may or may not be of any use to you but please think about it in context of your relationshipi am 32 have been with gf for 6 yearsi have a high sex drivemy gf decided to stop any oral for me after the first 6 months dating- she gets it all the time from mei hoped that as our relationship grew this would recoverfor the past 3 years she does most of the initiation, she enjoys plain vanilla sex on her terms, she will also willingly engage in sex conversations with friends as if we have a really good sex life/ her sex drive is high- when i hear this i just keep quiet and roll my eyesi am so depressed i am not bothered if we have any plain vanilla at all and can happily go for weeks without sexi still love her and love to cuddlei feel painfully rejectedgood luck
A
female
reader, marykate +, writes (13 November 2009):
marykate is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Fatherly advice I found it very helpful when you mentioned its harder to be cuddly and loving than have sex. I guess I'm delighted that at least he's still affectionate towards me and he does show he loves me. Id still really like a good healthy sex life for more closeness and just for the excitement of it. He has'nt being to the doctor as far as I can tell. Its like he's embarrased by it all and then he starts calling me horny/mad for it as if I'm some nyphomanic.
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A
female
reader, marykate +, writes (13 November 2009):
marykate is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice Gina, I have already tried numerous times to talk to my boyfriend about this issue and sometimes he will say he'll try harder but wont open up and tell me to much other than since we've moved in together he does'nt feel as interested in doing it as ofter. Not singing my own praises but I'm a very attractive slim chatty 32 year old . My boyfriend is slim and attractive also but seems to be tired a lot also and does'nt have the same energy levels as me. Sometimes he hates me bringing this issue up and that makes our sex life worse afterwards for a while. Wish he'd open up to me and tell me what teh problem is and we can both work through it then
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 This is one of those questions that has a stock answer.
What does his doctor say about his lack of drive? Has he got some new stress in his life? When you talk to him about this what does he say the reason is?
At about this age, I had a similar discussion with my wife. She wanted sex less often, because "we were too old for that". I disagreed. His 35th birthday may have induced some depression. Some times men are thick as a brick. You have to tell them exactly (with specifics) what you want.
To me sex is easier than cuddling, paying attention and saying "I love you". So I think he is consciously trying to stay close to you.
FA
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