A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this girl for over a year. The status of our relationship has varied from lovers,to close friends, to 'just friends' to 'seeing each other.'. Around 6 months ago we broke off our relationship to become just friends. After we broke up she began a relationship with someone very rich and 20 years older then her. She told me she wanted our relationship to remain platonic. The relationship with this much older man was never exclusive although they practically lived together. Over the following months, our relationship grew to the point that she told me we were officially 'seeing each other' again. We had several romantic encounters and she even said 'I love you' in a voicemail. So it seemed things were progressing...Then I got laid off from my job and took a 6 week vacation to South Beach and only contacted her after I was laid off. After I started my new (6 weeks after being laid off) I got back in contact with her and the communication was extremely negative. At one point she told me to get a life. Still, we were able to overcome her resentment and go out a few times. To me, things were returning to normal. However, she cancelled a date with me to go out with the old man she was still seeing! That's something she would have never done before.This last weekend, the old man made it clear it was an open relationship by sleeping with someone else. She also had a random hook up this weekend when she was black out drunk. So their relationship was damaged but still, she seemed to care for him exponetially more now then before I left.Last night I sent her an emailing asking if we're seeing each other again or are we just friends. She said, just friends... So we're scheduled to go out friday for drinks but I don't simply want to be friends. Should I blow her off and be a challenge to her or is that the last thing I should do because of me going mia for 6 weeks?I need help!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): I don't believe either of you are relationship "material." You go missing for 6 weeks - you didn't think to communicate this to the women you claim to love - she is going out with an older rich guy, whom she probably started dating because, he seems to be more stable and mature. Honestly, I think you need not worry about getting her back---you need to focus more on yourself. You have a lot of growing up to do Mr. You need to do alot of soul searching before gravatating towards relationships. Based on your actions, I don't believe you were ever in love with this woman. You may mistaken your being comfortable and your familarity with her as love, but really you were just attached to her--you have become accustom to having her around and that is NOT love or being IN LOVE. Don't get into a relationship until you get your self together.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Dazey,
MIA = Missing in action
AWOL = Absent without leave
So he was "missing" because he was getting "action" somewhere else. She thought he was "absent" without getting "leave" from her. Because he was "absent" she will "leave". The relationship is now DOA (dead on (his) arrival (home)). The whole situation is FUBAR (fouled up beyond all recognition)because he failed to communicate. Not only did he fail to tell her he was gone for 6 weeks, he failed to listen/see/perceive that she is playing the field.
Thanks for the opportunity to play with some words :)
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I'm the OP.
Earlier in the day, we scheduled to have dinner on either Friday or Saturday. We agreed to friday.. So last night, after she made the friends comment, I responded with a text that said there was no point keeping our date friday. She responded with "ok whatever. I still want to see you.". She later said the she loves to hang out with me but she thinks being friends is best because we want two different things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): this is a relationship that is going nowhere at breakneck speed. She doesn't care about you ..you're just someone she is used to having around. A pal, a friend...but not a lover...And furthermore you aren't in love with her. If you left for six week and did not contact her at all? you will never in a million years convince me that you love her. You only contacted her after the party was over? nope that isn't love darlin' not by a long shot in my books. This relationship is looong over. mal
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A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (18 November 2009):
what's mia? is it awol?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 November 2009):
No, don't play games with her. What she wants from you is maturity and responsibility. She can't tell you that because then you would fake it. You need to prove to her that you are mature and responsible then she will be interested in you again. Right now she is not taking you seriously as a person. If you don't intend to make major changes to your lifestyle, you should probably just let her go and move on. Right now she is in no mood to settle down.
FA
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