A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 2 years now, and have been with my husband for 4 years. My husband isnt around much because he in the military. I would love to have him home everyday but i know it's not possible. He has been a good husband but when he's here i still feel alone most of the time. About a year after we have been married he would come home from work eat and go to a friends house everynight for 2 weeks. I felt like a cook not a wife. He would spend hours playing video games and i would just be alone wathcing tv or something. Our one year mark he didn't plan anything i had to plan something or we were not doing anything. He was going to be deployed and the night before he left he spent it playing viedo games and i went to bed alone. That had to be the most hurtful thing he had ever did. It seems like he take me for granted sometimes. I met this guy at work and we started talking about life and different things and something happened between us. I have never felt the way i do about anyone. When he looks into my eyes and says your beautiful i can see the passion, when my husband says that it's like you have to think so your my husband. I saw him at work one day and he asked how i was doing and i was like having a bad day. I went out to my car and he had left flowers for me. We were driving down the street and he pulled over and picked a flower for me. He does such sweet littlet things that my husband has never done. This man has told me that he would love to be with me forever and i can see myself being so happy with him. My husband comes back in like 3 weeks and i'm going to tell him about this other guy, but i'm not sure if i want to leave my hsband because he seems to be changing. But what if he changes then goes right back to his old ways? I don't know what to do. My heart is confused and i'm confused.
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female
reader, Aimee998  +, writes (11 January 2010):
I agree with q1605.I think its like that Cheryl Cole song. You have to fight, fight, fight,fight,fight,fight for your love, isn't happiness worth fighting for.Listen to it.I have been with my man for four years. and he's ex army.I never knew him in the army. But I must say.We have had tough times, where I thought thats it. but I talked to him about how I felt.Communication is the mother of all f ups.Aimee x x
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (9 December 2009):
 You made the right decsion sweetie. And hellloooo "soon567" I never said anything about staying in a marriage that isn't working. It was pretty clear in her post that she's already become emotionally involved with another man...Uh, I think that's called an affair. My advise to her was to deal with her marriage, get a divorce, or get counseling it was her choice I didn't spell it out for her, I simply said deal with the marriage, don't get side-lined by another man until you end the marriage first. I think you're the only one who ws confused here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have made my mind up about what i want. I'm going to leave my husband and be on my own for once. Travel and find out who i am. I told the other man that i wanted to do this and he said he was happy about that i want to do something for myself, and i told him that i would like to keep in touch with him and he said he would to. The only thing left is to tell my husband when he gets back. That will be the hardest thing. I know he will be hurt but i have always did for others and never did what i want to do. My husband is a good man and if Gods wants me to be with him he will get back together and if God wants me with the other man we will be together, but for now i want to get to know me:)
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female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 November 2009):
Affairs are not the answer and can actually cause you to end up staying in a marriage with a man you no longer love, because you feel guilty about cheating on him, so you begin to delude yourself thinking maybe you should stay and "try harder". When in reality you are only prolonging the inevitable and the sooner you address your marriage head on, the better you will be in the long run. xoxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe were having these problems before his deployment. This is he's frist deployment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): As an ex-soldier i have to ask, was he deployed before you began having troubles? I remember a time in my marriage when my method for dealing with the mental anguish caused by my chosen profession was to try to punish myself by withdrawing from those closest to me. It very nearly cost me my marriage, but luckily my wife stuck by me, talked to me and eventually determined the reason for my behavior. With counseling i dealt with the my issues and our marriage was saved.
I may be way off here, but the night before deployment was never a romantic, relaxed time for goodbyes, but a nervous, do anything to take my mind off it time. Where for the most part i wanted to be alone. The way you talk of deployment it seems it feels to you a time when your husband is going away for a few months, for him, he's going to war, he may die, he has no real idea what to expect.
He has been risking his life everyday for the past months, whether for his principles or for the money and you've let yourself develop a relationship with another man. At least if you divorce him you'll get half of that fat, post deployment paycheck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not saying if i leave my husband i will be with this man, i'm just saying that i know now that i can be fully happy. If i were to leave my husband i would not get married for a while because i would want to get to know whoever better. I just feel like i have given 90% and he has given 10% to our marriage. And i know i'm having a affair and i feel horrible about it but not as bad as i should. And to q1605 i wake up every morning alone and go to sleep alone. I'm not sexually with this man.
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female
reader, Basschick +, writes (15 November 2009):
Why don't you ask your husband if he really wants to be married because his behavior suggests he does not. Perhaps the marriage is not right for either of you, and it will be a mutual decision for you both to move on in life. See what he says and go from there.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 November 2009):
 You married a boy. That is the problem. Make sure you aren't just trading him in for a better boy. The military does have a way of making men out of boys. That could be your best bet for solving the problem. Quite frankly the affair is always better than the husband because of the danger/naughtiness/excitement, these intensify the love and attachment. Should you marry him he will just be the safe husband. Before you tell me you aren't having an affair remember that there are emotional affairs too.
FA
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female
reader, Ayame-chan +, writes (15 November 2009):
 When your husband comes home, pay close attention to him and see if he is still the same. if he hasn't changed after a couple weeks, try to gather up your courage and ask him if he really loves you or not. Tell him your feelings as well, that you feel alone and want him to spend more time with you. I'm not married and probably won't get married for over a decade, but this is how I would handle the situation.I hope this helps, and I know my answers don't sound very clear at all, but I hope you understand it a little bit.
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