A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a bit of a problem. Last night while in bed with my girlfriend, she started trying to arouse me. It worked, I got an erection and everything, but then we had some trouble with penetration. She was on top, and after a minute of her frantically trying to get me inside her, I lost my erection. This made her angry, and she gave up on the idea, which was obviously frustrating for me, because she had put me in the mood.Is it normal to lose an erection in those circumstances?Also, she told me last night that she doesn't think I am sexually attracted to her! That isn't true. I don't know why she thinks that, because we've had sex plenty of times in the past without any problems at all. I've told her several times that I am attracted to her. I've not only told her, but on a number of occasions I've been the one who's tried tried to arouse her in the past. How can I re-assure her that I am attracted to her? She refuses to believe it, and It's becoming quite irritating!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Hey dude, I was never a big fan of "girl on top" either. The girl goes too slow, gets tired and the Meltyman shows up ("Coupling" reference).
Since you got an erection, you were obviously aroused. The frantic attempt at penetration no doubt killed the mood. Just try it missionary style or doggie style so you can control the sensations and keep your erection.
A
male
reader, Flashbacks  +, writes (23 October 2009):
My experience is that some women take it personally, thinking that they did something wrong, and that they are unattractive, even saying some degrading things to the man because their ego is damaged. The lower the woman's self-esteem, the harder they usually come down on the guy for losing the erection. Losing an erection can happen for a number of different reasons, and although not as common in younger men, it can happen from time to time. A woman I dated in the past really came down hard on me (no pun intended) after I couldn't get an erection during our first time, and I chalked that one up to performance anxiety and the medication I was taking. Although your gf's reaction may be common, the real test will be if she can understand that it wasn't her fault and that it just happened, especially it if happens again in the future. If she can be supportive and caring, you have a good woman. As for me, I didn't last long with that woman and it turns out that was a good thing, because she ended up having a lot of problems and issues with relationships that I didn't need to get myself into.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Did you have premature ejaculation while she was trying?This has happened to me a couple of times in the past in similar circumstances.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 I believe this is called "performance anxiety". You so much wanted to have sex, but felt pressurized into it, that Peter went his merry way. That's it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 October 2009):
 You ask, "Is it normal to lose an erection in those circumstances?" At your age it isn't common, at my age loss of erection happens over anything. First I want to reassure you that it is nothing to be worried about. It can and does happen to anyone for any of a hundred reasons. She was also frustrated. You two need to do some research together on this. Her reaction is inappropriate and will just put more pressure on you. Pressure will make a future failure more likely. A little education should go along way to reassuring her that it is not because you are not attracted to her. As to things you can do to reassure her. The usual answers will suffice, Flowers, Candy, Promises you don't intend to keep (just kidding). Also next time relax, set the mood, and have a back up plan. I suspect that this may be a first time for you trying this position. It is very rewarding and worth the effort on your part to learn.
FA
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A
male
reader, joe26  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 its completely normal for a men to suffer from keeping it for long...she should understand that by acting like that only make the whole thing hard to resolve. I would say you're probably nervous or tired for some reason but it doesn't mean shes not attractive for you. Just play it cool next time when you guys in bed, try to slow down lil more cuddle and do some other sexy stuffs, talk about each others fantasy that may help you guyz to keep everything alive.hope it helpscheersx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): First of all, there are all kinds of reason that a guy can lose his erection. Some are physical and some are mental. Your description and use of the word "frantically" sort of makes it sound like things weren't going that smoothly. I think whenever that happens, it is easy for a guy to lose it and also easy to lose perspective. Egos get in the way and everyone gets emotional. I also think a lot of girls think this means you are not attracted. I have been in that situation and my bf has felt just as you do and I have felt like your gf.Just make sure you are affectionate and seem attracted to her all of the time in little ways...holding hands, kissing, being kind. Reassure her and when she thinks beyond the one erection losing episode and the frustration, she will see the bigger picture.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): She needs to read some literature on a subject. It could be many reasons why men loose erection, which has nothing to do how a man feels about a woman. She sounds very insecure about the way she looks, but if she keeps telling you over and over again how not attracted you are to her, this will happen. Law of attraction.
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