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female
age
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anonymous
writes: What can you do if your husband is permanently, sexually off?It started few years ago. In our early 40's. Now, we tried everything therapy, medical investigations but there is no answer, why is he the way he is. No medical cause, and not clear what is the cause.He totally turned cold., so low libido, and has erectal problems..? losing erection ,if intercourse|Medically, he is good, no problems there. Now ,this is a very long marriage with children, it would be a shame to call it off. But what can you do, when I DON'T KNOW THE CAUSE!!!!! I'm not a sex maniac, or being unreasonable IN any ways. But I find it brutally painful, when you don't know why is such a thing happening, and how you will fix it. I CAN'T TELL HIM ANY MORE to see a doctor or therapists, they don't have a clue. SO IT'S ME who has to decide, if its ok with me like that or not. I WOULD LOVE SOME UNDERSTANDING and advice on this painful subject. The best would be someone who had some problem like this, or heard someone like this. So again, this is a serious sexual dysfunction, without any cause. Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): What is on his mind??????
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): I think ,sometimes it is too hard to tell ,why is this happening. Don't let him get away with this. I know how painful is that,and without honesty , it is very hard to live with this....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): I think ,you should check your husband internet activities!!!!
Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Thanks for the answers!
Well,yes my problem is , that I don't know WHAT IS THE CAUSE...
And ,if I don't know, it is very hard to deal with it.
To say you know it is testosterone,or boredom, or heart problems.. But see,this is what causes the pain, that I don't know, and all I can do to live with no answer, or just make one up.
YES,maybe one day it will come out... But what should I do now? I know , there is no easy answers..
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Many people who have been married for a long time simply lose their attraction to each other. Usually it's one or both of the people in the marriage. In your case it's your husband. He may still love you, but does not feel any sexual chemistry for you. I think after you've been with the same person for so long, it's almost inevitable. What's left to discover? You know each other's moves. There are no surprises. This can really kill the sexual chemistry in some people. It may be something you have to live with, just make sure he's not the type to fool around behind your back (which could also be another reason he's lost interest in you; he's found excitement with someone else). If not, then buy a vibrator and just enjoy the couplehood of your marriage. Maybe it'll come back in time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): I had the same problem with no sex with my ex and it ended up tearing us apart...same age group. In my case however, his problem was an addiction to porn and masturbation. I would have stayed with him if it was a medical reason.
I feel really bad for you, there is no bigger torture than lying next to the man you desire and not being able to have sex with him....god, that sucks!!!
My ex swore and professed his love for me but wouldn't do what he needed to do to get well...I felt that he should exhaust all avenues available to him and I am sure this is how you feel as well. That he should be finding out the problem and fixing it, I wish you the best of luck :)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 There have been several posts in the past year about low testosterone. It can cause these symptoms. You need a specialist, endocrinologist I think, to even diagnose this, and it is tricky. You may have already looked into this. It is Great that a therapist has answered here, as that is a good source of help as well.
I have suffered with mismatched libidos in my marriage to a lesser degree than you are and I know how frustrating it can be. Remember he is just a man, he is missing out on what was once important to him as well. He just doesn't know how to fix it. If he could just turn it on he certainly would.
FA
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A
female
reader, CarlyJohnson  +, writes (14 November 2009):
Okay I'm a therapist doctor and 2 of my friends have been in a situation similar to this. Firstly I think you should think back to the last time that you had sex, think about the kind of things that you did and his reaction - do you think he enjoyed what you were doing? The point I'm trying to make is if there was anything that you did that you didn't normally do that might have alarmed him in some way?
Secondly, I think you could try to romance him in some ways, make him want sex or perhaps he is stressed or bored? I might suggest sex toys?
Or maybe if you just have a really big talk about it he might tell you why he doesn't want sex anymore, I may come out in time!
Good Luck!
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