A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28, been married for 3 years, total of 5 years in this relationship. My partner is 43 and wants to start a family, have kids. I want to have kids with him, but I don’t feel ready to do it right now. I understand that cause of his age and all, but I'm just starting, getting on with my career and my life. I really want to wait until im at least 32, 33… which will make him almost 50. I joke with him saying that now the 50s are the new 40s, and by the time he reaches 50, its gonna be the new 30s, but I know this thing is really getting into him. He’s afraid of being too old and having no energy to be a good father and keep up with the kids. I don’t think its really much of a difference from 43 to 48, so it its wouldn’t hurt anyone to wait a few more years, and we could enjoy ourselves for a bit longer. What do you guys think? Am I being too inflexible? Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for the answers!I guess he and I need to talk more about itI just dont feel like im "mom material" yet, i still feel selfish and selfcentered. I dont think im ready to play the uncoditional giving and caring part of my life yet, and i dont want my children to go through what ive been through for having parents that were still demanding children themselves.
A
male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Heck no! That's not too inflexible! While it would have been much better to have this conversation BEFORE you got married, it's not too late for either of you!
Think of it this way: 50 is a full 15 years before the usual retirement age! Does he mean to tell you that he has the energy to work for the next 17 years, but not to raise a child/children?...millions of people do both at his age...and so can he!
While his concern is legitimate (and you have to respect his concern about being a good father, yay!), I really think that asking him to wait 4-5 years isn't too much. For one thing, it gives you two ample time to prepare for your future children!
Do a little research on the issues facing new fathers around age 50, and see what you find...sure, I could be way off, but I think you'll find that it can be done, and IS being done...and doen successfully/happily.
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 I think the difference between 43 and 48 bothers him less than the difference between 60 and 65. He may not have planned high school graduations into his retirement plans. Say you have 3 kids spaced every 2 years That pushes that last graduation out to 71 and college bills to 75. You were aware that he was older than you when you two got married.
This is just another reason why age is not "just a number".
FA
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