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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is 30 years older than me. His daughter is 10 years older than me.He has grand children. Should. I have a baby with him, or its too weird? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): my father in law had a kid with his woman when he was 59. sad to say the kid is almost grown now, with very very little interaction with FIL. this kid did not enjoy having a dad, his dad was abent for most of his life. also, FIL did not take care of the kid financially like a normal dad would have. what can you buy on a pension/disability grant. not enough to go around believe me.
think carefully. be wise. you are right to question about the realism of all this. do not prejudice your kid. it would need a father. your bf is nearing retirement shortly. what is the odds of him being around until the kid finishes school. at least you are realistic to question all this now.
good girl. good head on your shoulders.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Do you realize that you can't grow old with this man? If you marry him, you are likely to spend the last 30 years of your life being a widow. 30 years!!! That is a LONG time. You should find a man closer, much closer to your age and start a family with him.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 So basically, your child is going to be younger then his daughters child? So his grandchild is older then his uncle?
But hey, you are both adults, do whatever you think is best, at least you have some evidence he is a good parent (is he?)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): It's fine, provided that your eyes are *very* wide open.
My father's second wife was about two years older than my oldest sister. They had two kids together, when he was in his 50s. He loved kids, and was a great dad when they were little -- he gave them their baths, sang to them, spent lots of time with them. But as they got older he wasn't anything like the kind of dad their friends had -- he was in his 60s, and really slowing down. The kids were both still in their teens when he died and it was very hard on them. And my step-mother never really got over it either.
Normally you want to have kids with someone with whom you will grow old. And as a parent you want someone who is very present and on your wavelength as you confront parenting challenges. The sort of age difference you're describing rather rules that out.
Perhaps this guy really is your soul mate, and it's the right thing to do. Personally I wouldn't do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): love is love.if you love him go for it but remember if you are a teenager a baby takes responsibility nd money.don't bring a child into this world if you are not financially doing well.you need to be sure it's what you want because once the. Baby is born you are the mother nd you need to make sure he's willing to provide for the both of you Nd play a great role as a father.if he's for example been in nd out of jail or does drugs or doesn't take Care of his kids now he won't do any good for your baby or you.you should talk it out with him and ask youself "should I have a baby". Best of luck:))-Tiffany
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Have you asked his Daughter?
He is between 56 and 59, there is a fair chance you will be a widow with a kid in high School.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Age is only a number and you should not be concerned what other people think. What you need to ask yourself is do you feel comfortable with it and are you ready to raise a child on your own. If your boyfriend is almost 60 years of age he is approaching retirement and eventually death ( I hate to say it but its true) You also have to consider that his energy level is not going to be as high as it would be for a man closer to your own age. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): The thing you should be asking is this "will he make a good dad?" and "how will my child feel if everyone mistakes his father for his grandfather" and "will this man live long enough to see my child graduate from high school" also, "does this man want a child with me?" "does he have the energy for a baby?"
Those are the things that are important, I'm sure there is more.
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