A
female
age
41-50,
*oveme1027
writes:Hi, It would be great if I could get some great advice from this site. Several years back i met a really great guy, we were together all most 5 years. then he decied to get up and move to califorina he need to get away from us. well when we meet he was 18 and I was 19, and now I'm 27 years and we have been apart for 3 years now. And thinking that we will get back together, he lied to me he said that he was living in califorina and he would come up and see as offten as he can. well few weeks ago we got together what was supposed to be a nice night. which turnd into a nightmare. and finding out he's been in salt lake for the last year, seeing another girl. And noone seems to care because he's Muslim and I'm LDS and all my friends are LDS and they dont want to listen to me because they already knew it was not going to last. i loved him, i knew about the girl, for a little while i just didnt want to belive it. how i found out i went through his phone and found out that way. it hurt me so bad I wanted to die. i could breath and I feel like Im losing it and trying to be strong. no one cant hear how bad I have been effected by this realtionship, I cant talk or speak mom's dont listen friend dont care. i feel like I'm dealing it with in on my own. and chances are i can never have that life back and nor i dont want to, becuase i felt like i destory my self and who I really was. I love him but I cant pin point the where the hurt and fear is coming from and I have to say I blame myself for the break up. because to get personal on here, I found my self so alone at night, that i get scared then the crazy thing is that is I moved in to having sex with random men that I meet online not even felling guilty about it. I was lonely i became angry and i was in a place i could not get my self out of. he was gone my rock, i dont blame him for leaving me, I treated him so badly and i took everything i had for granted he was gone and I was left alone crying for help and trying to keep on him when are we going to get back together and shortly months went by turned now in to 3 years, I hate myself for what i did I hate that I went online and post adds for sex, and he found one of my ads. And it stop right then and there. i cant take back and i want the world to go back to how we were in love for years. I cant say I dont blame him for leaving me. it had been a struggle. And I cant fight my own battle anymore. I need help I cant do it on my own anymore. hes gone with molly and I'm left behind to pick up the mess and he's living in salt lake and the triggers i see of him hurt so much. I dont know what life would be with out him. And I cant call him, because he needs his space it just makes me looked like a fool. I cant belive he's gone and never looking back at me. or when he does he looks at the past and he's is one not to forget about the past but he does forgive. It was falling by betrayal rather than falling out of love.I hate him for forgiving me. I hate him for leaving me in a time i need him the most. I hate him, and now living with another girl i"m supossed to be in that bed at night not her. Im 27 years living at home again. and I hate mylife. if i can have any help or advice I would love it. if you like I tell more to are story of Us..there more to it. I wish someone can give some advice.
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get back together, living at home, moved in, muslim Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 You need to stop living in the past. I know it hurts, but you need to hear this...
Its over with him, you guys will never be getting back together... ever.
You need to accept this 100% and stop torturing yourself with false hope before you can move forward.
Best of luck
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Loveme,
This is not going to be the nice kind of advice. You are not living your life in a way that is consistent with your goals. You will need to make some changes. You desire a long term loving relationship with a religious man. But, you ignore religious differences between you. You also put sexual pleasure ahead of long term happiness. You want to have multiple partners now and a long term steady guy to come home to. Long term guys are going to have trouble accepting that.
I know your local customs and it is quite likely that at 27 all your friends are married. You living at home is a real social stigma. It says to anyone you meet, "I've failed at love". So of course you feel depressed. You are also clinging to a relationship that has been dead for 3 years. That is a loss that you are just beginning to grieve for. You won't do well in a new relationship until you are able to accept that loss.
You need to spend some time on your self. True happiness comes from living your life in a way that is consistent with your beliefs. Success comes from living in a way that is consistent with your goals. Many will tell you that it is simple to change your beliefs to match your actions. You own experience has told you that that is not the right path.
You need to start making changes in your life. You need some help with grief, and possibly addiction. That help is available to you. You have to take the first step and ask for it. You have to want to change.
This will not bring back your lost relationship. What it will do is get you ready for a new one. Hopefully one that is more likely to succeed.
FA
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