A
female
age
30-35,
*sdfg
writes:There's a cute, in my "league" work-study student who's been flirting with me since I came back to school this summer and found that he was a new addition to our department. So, I'd like to ask him out to the movies this weekend during work tomorrow. I don't really see him outside of work; he lives off-campus (I didn't ask which apartment complex he lived in) and I've only encountered him once outside work since we're taking different classes this summer. But nevertheless, whenever I deliver mail to my supervisors who are near him or whenever I use the fax machine next to his desk--believe it or not, this amounts to about 30 minutes/day of contact total--he's ALWAYS going out of his way to talk to me, to offer me a snack (I usually see him in the early hours when he sometimes has breakfast or, most of all, around lunch), or he's complimenting me on how hard I work.But as mentioned, his desk is positioned against the outside wall of one supervisor's office and is about 8' away from the entrance to another supervisor. The angle of the door of my other supervisor is makes it so that he can directly see this guy at all times, intentional or not (it's my old desk). And it's a SMALL office, maybe 15' x 25' and it's very quiet for the most part. I don't know his work schedule (only that we're often in the office at the same time) so it's not like I can meet him at his car or something. Likewise, since our work stations are in totally different offices (though in the same department,) I don't see him come and go so the odds of me catching him after a bathroom break or something are VERY slim. I don't know his last name so I cannot find him on FB, and even if I could, I would think that it might come across as a bit weird if I messaged him and asked him out, or asked him to meet me somewhere so that I could ask him out. Not only that, but if I were him in that circumstance I would find it pathetic if a girl didn't have the balls to ask me out in person.So anyway, what should I do?! Write him a note and hand it to him as I'm sending and calling for pickups for faxes? Ask him if he "could help me with something," or "look at something for me," or tell him that I'd like to show him something, and ask him into the hall to make my proposition? Would that be too dramatic?It might not sound like a big deal--just asking him in the office where my supervisors and a few coworkers could hear--but I do NOT like that idea at all. Not because I might be rejected, but because I don't think that's professional at ALL.So, how should I do this? Thoughts?Likewise, should I offer to treat him to lunch or ask him to the movies? Thanks :)
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female
reader, asdfg +, writes (8 July 2010):
asdfg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thanks for the great advice! I'll consider leaving a note at his desk before he comes in and, as I'm going in and out throughout the day, see how he responds.
A+ advice. Thanks a bunch! I think I'll do something along the lines of "lets do lunch" :)
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Asdfg,
I really enjoyed your post. You are refreshingly honest. There are several things I'd like to answer.
First I can almost guarantee that he is not looking for a girl with balls. Sorry, I couldn't pass it up. Actually most guys like a girl with confidence. Moxie is a better word.
Work relationships are always unprofessional. The reason being that if you break up in the relationship, you will still have to work with him every day. you can imagine the stress that will add.
Now having said that, work relationships are almost expected in a work-study situation. The difficulties are still there but the supervisors are used to dealing with it.
So down to your questions.
How should you do this? One option would be to enlist the help of the supervisor. This is also a good way to makes sure he is free of other entanglements before asking him. If his supervisor gave you the go ahead when he/she was out of the office, you could make up an excuse to make a copy, and ask the question.
If that isn't possible, passing a note is (or at least was) acceptable for a girl to do. Some thing short and to the point. Like "let's do lunch" or "Call me ###-####".
Lunch or movie? I think first dates, especially with a work friend, should be of limited commitment and include time to talk. Coffee is a great start, short commitment but open ended. Time to talk and get to know each other. And relatively low cost. Also it can be done on a professional level if he wants to let you down softly.
Movie, and dinner is a 3 hour commitment that you can't easily cut short. And you spend 2/3rds of the time not communicating. Better for a second or third date.
Anyway the flirting is building a tension at work and you two need to talk and be sure of everyone's intentions. Good luck!
FA
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