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female
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anonymous
writes:Hello I really don't know where to start but I'll try my husband is an only child and I'm not sure if this is where the problem is I can have anything I want materialistaly but any thing else is a no no we did try for a baby without sucsess and now it's to late we unfortunately met late in life. he works nights and everything revolves round him getting enough sleep if we row its I need my sleep I'm driving all night so I keep quiet I lost my dog over a year ago and I am now ready for another one and I haven't said anything until today and it's a no no and a load of silly reasons why I am starting to resent him I don't know whAt to do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 I would not say that your husband is selfish for caring about getting enough sleep. He DOES drive all night,doesn't he ? If he is not well rested and refreshed, he might cause accidents- to himself and to other people.
Maybe the dog issue is linked to that. My neighbour has 3 pesky little dogs and he takes them out for a walk around 6.30 AM, and you can count on hearing them yapping away every day at that time. I am an early riser so it does not really bother me, but if I had a different sleep pattern, it would be another story.
If this is not the case, you could simply tell your husband that ,with him working nights and sleeping days, you feel very lonely and having a dog would make that better. Perhaps he'll understand. If he does not,follow Fatherly Advice's suggestion and try filling your need for connection through friends, church or volunteering.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Maybe he was fed up that you paid more attenrtion to the dog than to him and didn't want this to occur again. Since you wanted a xhild you probably replace the dog with one and baby it, when it should be trained and know not to sit on the bed or sofa. You own it not the other way round, you can still stroke and cuddle it and it will love you just as much but I bet your husband is afraid of you mollycoddling it and letting it run the house and paying moer attention to it than him.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Hi,
As someone whose life was probably saved by a dog as a child, I have a strong bias in favor of dogs. I'm not putting you down, but when you bring an animal into your home you have to think of what's in the best interest of the animal. I think that you *should* have a dog, and I don't understand why your husband is against one. What were his reasons, by the way?
However, it would be unfair to bring a dog into a home where it's not wanted. I totally *should* think you have a dog, but you need to work through these issues before you bring a pet into your home; they deserve to be in a place where they are loved, and dogs can sense tension in a home.
I'm sorry about losing your dog... it sucks so much to lose a pet. But, the loss has left a void in your life and I know how sad that would make me.
It sounds like your husband is selfish or just jealous of the attention you'd get from a dog but I could be wrong, I don't know him.
I would talk to him and tell him how you feel sad and lonely for another dog. Perhaps if you visited an animal shelter and saw all the homeless puppies that need a home and have so much love to give, it would make him think twice about the dog. I don't know about the UK but here in USA millions of homeless animals die in the shelters every day. Pets that could have provided unconditional love will never have loving homes. If he has a shred of compassion then reading my post and visiting a shelter just might move him, try it.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Your question involves birth order psychology. I wish I knew more. In a nut shell because he is an only child he is accustomed to being self sufficient. He is happy all by himself. You on the other hand need more connections. You want people coming and going all the time. You enjoy worrying about their needs.
The Dog has filled that need in your life at least in part. You feel that his schedule is robbing you of his time. He doesn't want a dog, we think, because he doesn't want the responsibility. He also doesn't understand why you need that responsibility.
So the question is can you two communicate better? Probably, and when you do you will come to a resolution on this. Until then is there another way you can focus your need for connections? a club or church, or neighborhood group? Nephews or nieces on your side that could use you? Understanding your own needs better may help you find a more acceptable outlet for them. At least, more acceptable to your husband.
FA
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female
reader, blue_eyes1981 +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Are we talking the type of dog that is a house dog, that you take for walks, feed and stroke and pet OR are you talking about one of thos etiny things that you absolutely must have with you at all times being "mummy" to it etc etc.
If it is the latter and if that is the type of dog you have had previously then it could be that hubby would prefer your attention stayed with him rather than a dog.
It could also be that your love for your dog that you had previously is just a constant reminder to your husband of the child you couldn't have. If your husband feels that it was his fault that you and he couldn't have kids then he will not want constant reminders of that fact.
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male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Maybe he just doesn't like dogs..?
My mom hates dogs. The rest of our family loves them. We don't have a dog because of my mom.
Honestly, I don't think you should get a dog. If he doesn't like them, then you don't need one. How would you feel if you hated a certain animal and he bought one anyways and put it in your room?
I'm not trying to attack you at all, just put things in perspective. You do, however, sound upset that other things might be going on about him being selfish. Maybe those need to be addressed before a thing so small as a dog.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): I would get one anyway. Why doesn't he want you to have one?
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