A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi i've just met a guy who i seem to click with, which doesnt happen often to me! trouble is.. twenty years ago aged 25, he had a cleaning business with my sisters husband which went badly wrong. he walked away leaving my brother in law with 6k worth of debt and they never saw each other again. before the business they were good friends,but i've never met him before the other night.he's had a couple of business since and 12 years ago was bankrupt, since then he's rebuilt his life and is in business again, successfully it seems.i feel i've met someone i get on well with, but i'm worried about the connection with my sister and her husband, i've told nobody about meeting him yet. he recognised me as looking like my sister and has been i think quite open and honest about the situation. i've listened and said that he should try and clear the air with my brother in law, and he agrees, before we could possibly get together in any way. i dont want to do anything to upset my sister or her family, do you think i should walk away from this man and let sleeping dogs lie? or try and get them to face the past and move on? also i'm wondering whether i should be getting involved with someone whose done that?thanks for reading and any thoughts on here would be appreciated :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 I'm wondering why I should give this advice to someone my age. Theoretically you have every bit as much experience as I do. On top of that my relations with extended family are no shining example. But, despite all that here is my unqualified take on the situation.
Stop thinking with your heart. At least for an hour. This guy has a history of making bad decisions with money. You can easily see how this has affected his relationships with others in the past. So regardless of the other family factors, which are real, and should be considered, I still wouldn't get involved deeply with him. I certainly wouldn't loan him money. I wouldn't share rent with him. Etc Etc.
I have relatives who have good money history. And I have relatives who have bad. I accept them for their strengths, and make allowances for their weaknesses. Whenever I loan any of them money, I think of it as a gift. If they should happen to pay it back, I am very thankful for their gift.
That keeps me from those bad family feelings.
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