A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I dated almost two years. He was 24, me, 20. I shared a lot of "firsts" with him, and he went behind my back, and cheated on me physically, and emotionally. He says there was nothing wrong with our relationship, and that he simply did it because he was drunk, or mad at me at the time, and says he regrets it. I broke up with him 3 months ago, because some of the behaviours (sexy chatting, choosing excessive partying over me, and very close photos with girls) I asked him to stop, were apparently way too much to ask for in our relationship, and he was not ready to give any of them up.I started casually seeing a guy about a month ago. He is very nice, volunteers his time, has his life on track, and is just one of those guys you can totally see being a good hubby and dad some day, which was exactly was I was looking for in my previous relationship.Problem is, I can't stop thinking about my ex. Everything (songs, pictures, places, etc) remind me of him, and makes me want to try our relationship one more time. I certainly don't feel the same way about the new guy, as I did about the ex when I first started dating him either. I know the new guy is good for me, but am I ever going to shake these feelings for my first love? What should I do? :(
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Of course you are attracted to the first guy. He has the power to do as he wants regardless of what you ask. That power is attractive to you. Or Rather to the biological woman. The biological woman wants the strongest man to protect her and her children. His defiance and cheating make him look stronger to her.
Then there is the thinking woman. She sees the qualities of man #2 as being his strengths. She sees that he will be there long term. That he won't be leaving if he gets bored. She wants the strongest man long term. His stability is attractive to her.
I hope that helps you to understand your own thinking.
As to what you should do. You are already making the right decisions. You dumped #1 for good reasons. You are avoiding an future of abuse and cheating. You are missing the thrill of danger you got with him. You need to replace that with the comfort of security. True love is not a thrill ride.
There is an old saying. Women date the bad boys, but marry the good guys. Rather unfair to the good guys, really. And a dangerous game, because, in truth we marry who we date.
FA
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