A
female
age
,
*nne8260
writes:My husband told me the day I got out of the hospital after 14 years of Marriage that our during our whole marriage he has been addicted to looking at women on the internet, clothed or naked. He had been doing this in a cubicial (beating off) at work. They have cameras and could have lost his job. He later tells me his sex life is his business and he has been bored with me since after the first year. We have 3 young children and I am in poor health. He is on the computor or TV 24/7. Went to counseloring but he cant tell the truth..what should I do to keep my sanity and the health of my children?
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at work, lost his job, sex life, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anne8260 +, writes (18 July 2010):
Anne8260 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the great answers except the "blow" one. Forgot to mention, we have always had a very active sex life. He gets as much and more than he wants but, hey, I am no supermodel any more and swinging from the chandlers is getting harder on the joints. Lets face it...he is smoking hot to me, that is why it hurts. Men get hotter with years but the ladies are not appreciated for there wrinkles.. he is a little younger with a great body..yep..women fall for that too. Thank you for your advice!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 July 2010):
 I agree about encouraging the communication. However, you're right about the problem being that he does this at work and how he phrased this to you. He says he's bored? Yes I know it stings, but think of this as a starting point for sexual negotiations. Talk to him about how to make it unboring. Find out his likes and dislikes. And help him work through his problems with needing to do this in a cubicle at work, where as you say he could be fired. He acknowledges there's a problem, he told you there's a problem, that's the first step and solving this. I'm very concerned about this statement though, "his sex life is his business." His sex life is absolutely no longer only his business now that he's married. His sexuality is his own, his masturbation is his own, but his sex life is most definitely your business. I think you could both do with discussing this in a safe environment with someone to kind of guide you through this, in the form of a counselor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): just start giving him oral. He'll love you again :)
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 July 2010):
 I'm with FA and anon here. He hasn't been cheating, just looking at porn to let off some steam. He's bored, but didn't want to criticize you (and since you're in poor health, perhaps he was afraid of hurting you by asking for more than you can give). But he's been faithful, and he's even starting to open up. Go back to counseling and see if there's even a sex therapist that can help you two find a mutually satisfying compromise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): as a married man I would say that is how it is with probably 90% of us men. but most of us keep it to our imagination only. very few of us cross the line and have an actual affair because most know it would be very messy business.if he hasn't crossed the line then you shouldn't bother about it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 July 2010):
 For the first time in 14 years he is communicating. Off of the top of my head I'd encourage it.
Yes he has made mistakes. Yes he has not been open and honest with you. On the other hand he has kept it to himself and not sought other women.
I get the feeling you are inclined to keep him. Not sure as to your reasoning, but that doesn't matter. If you want to keep him then embrace his new openness. Get back with the counselor and get him to commit to making it work. He wouldn't have told you if he wasn't interested in a change and reconciliation.
FA
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