A
female
age
30-35,
*heaterlover
writes:my boyfriend and i are incredibly close... he is one of the most important people in my life, and he means everything to me, but last night i went to a halloween party with him. it was us, and some people that we work with. when we first got to the party, he met up with some of the other guys from work and they talked about how they were going to go "trick or treating", naturally, i went to go with them. my boyfriend then pulled me off to the side. he says "we're going to go smoke...", and i know that some people don't think that smoking pot is a big deal, but when he said that my heart sank. "whats the big deal? i did last weekend..." he said, meanwhile, he told me before that he quit smoking in the spring. i begged him not to, and then just walked away. he was pissed off, and so was i. his friends apologized to me for inviting him to go smoke, but i could tell he was still mad.i still wasn't happy, but i was trying to forget about it, so i just wanted to enjoy the party. most people were trashed, but i made sure i stayed sober. my mom was coming to pick us up soon though, and there were people drinking and smoking outside. i asked my boyfriend if he would go and ask them to come in so my mom wouldnt see them when she pulled up. he walked outside, and didn't come back in for a few minutes. so i went out there and saw him in the circle of people passing around a joint. he immediately walked over and was like "i didn't." but he reeked of it. i could smell it all over him. over and over he just said "why are you so mad? i didn't!"then after we dropped him off, i went home and texted him saying how upset i was with him. then he said "why should you even be mad at me? i'm my own person."is he right? am i being too controlling? or am i right since i'm just trying to look out for his best interest? the last thing i want is for this to end our relationship, i just want to know if i am being too naggy i guess.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Pot can be fun, it also causes paranoia, relationship problems, and all sorts of crap like lost jobs and missed opportunities.
I'm a professional and a lot of my colleagues probably are users, but I don't know...and I don't want to know.
I've never used, but I've heard all sorts of problems from use, and had lots of acquaintances tell me about their problems, and that wasn't the worst of it.
On a personal aside, pot almost caused my wife and I to get divorced, and I didn't even know she was smoking. Hell, she thought I was down on her and all sorts of stuff and I couldn't figure out why she was feeling this way, she thought she got "clarity" from the pot, but her "clarity" was that I was down on her and didn't think much of her.
This in turn pissed me off because it wasn't true, and I couldn't figure out where she was getting these ideas from.
It took her a long time to tell me she was a closet smoker, she only did this after she stopped, and we were in counseling.
Only after she told me did she recognize that the pot was causing her to be paranoid and those paranoid thoughts would stay with her.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Ain't it great being in a relationship with an addict? You just found out the hard way, the truth about all addicts. Nothing, not you, not your relationship, not the future, not the respect of your parents, is more important than the next fix. Nothing you can give him will ever be a more powerful pull to him than the next joint.
Since that is obviously not the life you want, You should get rid of him. Since you live in the US, I need to add the warning to never be at a party where there is anything illegal going on. Guilt by association is alive and well in this country and the court will not believe that you stayed sober. So if you are not comfortable, get out. Get away and call for a ride home.
FA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Well he is right that he is his own person and he makes his own choices but you are also right to be mad at him as you are looking out for his best interests at the end of the day, lots of people are against smoking pot and good on you for being strong. Tell him that you disagree with smoking pot and that you feel strongly about it because at the end of the day it is a drug and it can be highly addictive just tell him you dont want him falling into a trap and getting hooked on it as it will ruin his life. Other than this though am afraid there is not a lot you can do and dont tell him what he can and cant do just try and make him see sence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): My opinion of this is just what I feel and would do if I were you, so take what you can but feel free to ignore me if u want! lol!
I think that because you are his gf you only want what is best for him, and obviously pot isn't good for anyone. No matter what people say at the end of the day it is illegal for a reason and I would respect that and leave it alone.
In a relationship people have to respect one another and their feelings. It says you're 16-17 so I'll take this as true. So throughout being a teenager and as you get older you grow up and change and want different things from life.
If your bf wants to go down that road of pot and smoking he doesn't have to drag you with him, as you both are your own person and have to make decisions for yourself.
If he can't see pot as something that is wrong then maybe you should leave him and wait for someone whose views are the same as yours as you'll have a better relationship that way than trying to change someone. Its not fair to force views on people when they don't share them and usually only ends in tears.
Good Luck though with what you choose to do X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): telling him to stop smoking immediately will make him upset but the best thing you can do is to just telling that you are worried warn him about the consequences and that you don't want to see him go to jail because of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Thank you very much for coming on this board and sharing this concern. I was once in your position and while I cant entirely relate to the exact situation I will absolutely, as a mature adult, tell you that by staying sober and being against the drug use, it speaks highly of your character especially in a society where there is pressure and a drinking culture that is beyond insanity. Of course, I say these things with polite but firm disagreement. Your parents would be very proud of your decision and would also tell you that by hanging around this boy, it is absolutely detrimental to you as you seem to be opposite of him and he can steer u wrong. Opposites do not attract and I found that out in a very difficult, almost life costing, manner. I see early signs of potential hazard here for you and thankfully you havent gotten mixed up in it. You are caring for this boy when you shouldnt and trying to show him a better, more healthy path to take. This is courageous and very mature of you to say "Hey, this is wrong" when you can easily go along with it. Just because someone has the choice or right to do something like drink and do drugs in such an environment, doesnt necessarily mean that they arent doing anything wrong to themselves if they decide to pursue such a "right". I commend you for addressing this and is very mature of you at your age to take such a note. Get rid of this guy please, he is not ur type, he is unhealthy and by making such choices it illustrates he has no respect for his body cause he doesnt care about his health. Well, if he doesnt respect his health and body, how can he respect you? I dont say that with hate, thats reason right there. Move on and find a gentlemen as your morals and values clearly indicate, if not emphasize, that you deserve such a guy who has the same. Best always doll.
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