A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i need a guys opinion on this one...have you ever met a girl and straight off you the bat you were not attracted to her (she was overweight, not what you'd consider pretty, etc, etc). BUT, after getting to know her as a person things changed... her personally overtook her flaws, and you started to see her differently. did you ever make a move? were you too afraid of what everyone else would think? if someone noticed, would you deny liking her or ? what happened in your situation? thx in advance xo
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): I know u asked for Males to answer only,but this happened to me. I had a crush on aguy @ school and I wasn't to overwieght but I was on the chubby side so I had no confidence @ all. 1 day I noticed he was in the hall way of school and I decided to say and started to say hi but I didn't want to be anooying or talk to much or kiss his ass in anyway cause that's a big turn off for guys so I kept the convo pretty short then the next few days I would pretend he wasn't even there trying to pretend I had confidence even though I didn't. Or I would only say hi once in a while or let him say it first. I tried to act like I didn't care. So 1 day we saw eachother in the library and started talking again and he brought up a party and asked if I was going I pretended I was invited but tge party wasn't important to me and I was to good for that party so he asked if I wanted to hang out w/him instead and I said sure. And now were married w/kids and he adores me. By the way every girl in school wanted him and I had hardly any chance w/him but because I'm so sweet he's still mines and were happy he adores me now!
A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (2 December 2010):
I have to contradict the advice from Cerberus. I'm a very fit man and I spend a lot of time and effort keeping myself that way. I won't consider dating an overweight woman. It isn't that I'm shallow, because personality is very important to me, but if I'm not attracted then there's no getting past that barrier. I'm also not alone, although there are definitely guys who don't mind when a woman has some extra weight.
In any event, I think some mutual physical attraction is a necessary requirement to build any kind of lasting relationship. Men certainly decide quickly, before even getting to know a woman, if they're interested or not. I believe many women do as well, although in my experience they tend to be more willing to overlook physical flaws then men are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Fatherly advice makes a good point.
While a girl might not stand out from the crowd initially, it doesn't take very long for that to happen.
A genuine, friendly, sincere girl that is comfortable in her own skin will stand a chance no matter what she looks like.
I've dated very overweight girls that I wouldn't have looked at twice if I hadn't by chance ended up talking to them. They were lovely and sincere from the start, you can see it in their eyes and that's very appealing. You will always have superficial guys of course that don't care about personality but most of us aren't that bothered by looks and can easily be won over personality.
You see we guys don't put too much importance on weight anyway as long as they're not in the very extreme side. You see usually we have to do the approaching, the chatting up so in that case we go for girls that are physically attractive to us which makes sense. but most of us if approached by a girl will gladly talk to her and it's not hard for girls willing to do that to win us over. In fact most of us guys are very easy going that way.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I'd like to add that I have at times been attracted to girls that others would consider unattractive for the reasons you mentioned above. The most unusual story along these lines is this.
I saw a girl at a dance one night when I was about your age. At first I thought she was an ex-girlfriend of mine so I spent some time staring at her. Of course she caught me. I was thinking, She sure is my type but it just wouldn't be fair to her I would always be thinking of the ex. When I turned away, she pursued. She had clearly seen my desire and wasn't going to let me get away. She actually had to brush off two guys to get to me before I left (this was unusual for her due to her overweight). I've often wondered if her determination made her more attractive. Any way it worked on me. Eventually I overcame my misgivings, and gave her a fair chance. To make a long story short, we've been married 23 years this year.
It is much more common to be physically attracted to a person initially and to be quickly disappointed by their personality. I think my story goes to show how attraction can be unphysical even at the beginning.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Yes that's happened a lot and it happens to most guys too.
Here it is in a nutshell.
An unattractive woman can grow ever more beautiful the more we get to know her if her personality is beautiful. A beautiful woman can grow ever more ugly the more we get to know her if her personality is ugly.
"did you ever make a move?" Yes I have and other times I haven't.
"were you too afraid of what everyone else would think?"
When I was young and dumb then yes. But as I matured then no.
"if someone noticed, would you deny liking her or?"
No never. I would openly admit I liked her.
"what happened in your situation?"
I found that in most cases it never worked out. For the same reasons as C/R gave. By the time I had feelings for the girl I was friendzoned. Friendships always get ruined when a person develops romantic feelings, so I never really acted on them after I had learned that.
Some of the girls felt utterly betrayed and thought that was my motive for being their friend in the first place, other girls had liked me at the start but felt rejected romantically and had switched their brain to friendship mode and no longer saw me that way.
The only time it works out in my view is when there is some physical attraction at the start. Such as my girlfriend now. I wasn't blown away by her beauty. I thought she cute but by no means hot. We had quite good long friendship and then just grew closer and closer, we both developed feelings simultaneously became ever more physically affectionate then one night we just ended up kissing and poured our hearts out. Very very rare for that to happen though.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 A girl who was once my best friend. We met when I was in Year 7, I had entered school late and we were introduced by a mutual friend. Straight away I thought "well she isn't the prettiest girl I've ever seen" (please don't judge, I was young and immature) but we were friends. I found out years later that she had a crush on me at that time but I did not feel the same. Eventually, about two or three years into our friendship, I felt something more as we spent more and more time together. Suddenly she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I did always deny anything, only my closest friends knew how I felt about her.
I did ask her to be my girlfriend, people already assumed we were dating anyway. When I did ask though, she seemed unsure. Eventually, she said no later that night. She did not wish to ruin our friendship. Unfortunately, due to my unstable emotions and aching heart, it was too late. Our friendship was already ruined. Slowly though, it was rebuilt. We just aren't as close as we once were.
I hope that helps.
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