A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi guys, i want a little reassurance or some pointers, i have no clue about this and dont know what to make of iti have been talking with my gf, shes having nervous breakdowns because work is so hard and shes having anxiety attacks etc, she is now saying she dosent know who she is anymore, she used to be confident and not give a care about wht other people thought and she used to be so happyone point she made though was about me with relation to this, she said that when shes out with her friends shes flirty, and fun and confident...but when she is with me, she is more grown up, more reserved and careful about what she says to other people....she dosent talk about sex to other people infront of me for example, but shes happy to with her friends and ex's. this confuses me and probably why a few guys have gotten the wrong impressionayway, is this a bad thing? iv asked her and she said she dosent know, shes got too much confusion right now and is thinking about ending our relationship because she feels that she is stringing me along in some way, but cant explain why or what is making her eel that way n she get so frustrated that her work and family life suck and they have so much bearing on her she feels and its sending her into depression :/
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): I am about two weeks out from my girlfriend of 4+ years ending our relationship because of the exact same reasons.
It really hurts and all I can do is think about her and want to contact her, but I know I need to let her do her own thing. Look at Erikson's stages of development and you might find some interesting tid-bits. My girlfriend had very difficult teenage stage because of her controlling parents. She really was not able to develop an identity that she can see for herself. The thing is she is an absolutely wonderful and amazing person, yet, she cannot see that. All she can see is she did not "live it up" in undergraduate like she thinks she needed to. To her, ending our amazing 4+ year relationship was well worth it, for her to date around and have her independence. Of course she has done this before and has a habit of making sudden and rash decisions.
Unfortunately we were doing long distance at the time she broke it off so she has no avenue to contact me or "run in to me" or in my mind really miss me. Out of sight, out of mind. As much as it hurts I realize that to try and cling to her, to try and fix something when she so stubbornly has her mind on doing something else will not work. I guess I am most afraid that because of the distance and the extreme nature to which she is seemingly trying to block me out, I am worried I have lost her forever.
She feels this need to re-invent herself, she keeps telling our mutual friends that she wants to still be their friend but wants them to know she is going to be different. I don't understand why she needs to be different, why she needs to bar hop, sleep around, and be someone she is not. The girl I dated for 4+ years was warm, caring, confident, loving, didn't care what others thought, and would rather keep me home to cook dinner and watch a movie than hit the late night bar scene. Yet, somehow despite the amazing relationship we had, it somehow was quickly tossed to the side.
I want what is best for her and right now she thinks what is best for her is to experience life in this "new self" she has created. I don't agree, but all I can do is let her live her life how she wants. I love her and she knows that. I just hope that at whatever point in her life she realizes what she threw away, it is not too late for us. Call me a romantic, but I have hope and will always have love for her. But I can be a realist and realize I have to take this time to live my life for me, improve myself, and continue on living the best way I know how.
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." - Meet Joe Black
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 I don't like it at all. She should feel more warm and confident when she is with you. Not more reserved. Something is obviously amiss.
FA
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A
female
reader, sophiejayne +, writes (3 November 2010):
your girlfriend is in a bad way and probably doesn't realise what she is saying. She's ready to take it out on the first person shes see's and saying as you are the closest to her, she will have no problem to make sure you are borught down aswel. My boyfriend who i am still with now, broke up with me and found that the single life was better for a while because he could do what he wanted, but he soon got sick of it and realised that it wasn't for him and came back to me. I don't think your girlfriend will break up with you because she knows that she needs somebody to be there for her and your the only man that can be there for her. You should take advantage of this and show her how caring and understanding you can be and she will realise that she needs you and loves you. You should also suprise her one night by taking her out to watch a movie or for a meal and just both have a really good night, maybe end it with great sex! This will give her a reason to doll herself up and this will boost her confidence. Tell her that you love her as much as you can so she knows that your there for her.
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