A
male
age
30-35,
*a...15
writes:Hi,I am 21 years old my fiance is 22 years old. We have been together for 4 years engaged 2 years. Recently we moved from salt lake to phoenix. kind of a spur of the moment thing no job yada yada yada. But It has put alot of stress on our relationship. We also have a 9 month old daughter. We were planing to have jobs and what not so we can start school while living with family... well the recession is still here and no job. We were supposed to get married on October 23rd in about two weeks. But we pushed it back yet again for the second time due to financial. I want to marry her I want her too be my wife but she wants this fairy tale wedding but we have bills to catch up on once we get a job so estimated time of being able to pay for the wedding would be October 2012 and that is a ways away. and I will wait but she doesnt want to wait that long. So we are always fighting over this and I feel like I am not being the supportive male cause I am having a hard time trying to find work. So stress levels are just beyond reason. I told her that I will marry her any where any time at any type or size of wedding and it doesn't matter she wants her fairy tale nice big wedding. I am stressed out about not working and we keep fighting and she is telling me to leave now because she is done fighting with me. over money and over me not wanting to spend money on the wedding but debit we have occured together. So if I cant fix this then I am on the street. We moved out here so we could go to school so that my daughter had here dad not be some underpaid construction worker, and her mommy have a career that she is happy with (she hasn't worked for 2 years)I am majorly depressed because we are in a rut where we have no jobs, two suspended licenses and my car is registered in my friends name and expires the end of this month and I have to pay it off to get it register in Arizona. And she wants to leave me because i dont think spending money on a wedding right now is the best idea.Thank you for your time to read this and help me get this problem out in the open
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male
reader, ta...15 +, writes (5 October 2010):
ta...15 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies... What I forgot to mention is that I dont understand what a wedding is to a girl. And I do it is that day of great memories and girls all over the world dream of having a beautiful wedding big gorgeous with beautiful flowers and decor. And the reason we are not married right now is because I wanted to give her that in utah but she budgeted it out and it was about 10k with food from Thanksgiving Point. Gorgeous no doubt but 10k to marry her. To me we are young with child in debt and jobless in this recession and I need to go to school so I have a better opportunity of a career later on down the road. That is where 10k sounds better too me is a career for me or her. I had a decent job but it was not heading anywhere and we were stuck in a house that was too expensive and occurred some debt because of it. So I decided to move to az with her family. I had no family to turn to my mom remarried when i was 18 and moved my 4 brother and sisters up to canada. My dad left and moved back to his home town in Hawaii. And my aunt and uncles live farther than her family did and we needed help so we could get started with a degree.
I love her but I don't want to start our marriage in debt. My parents got divorsed when I was 17 because my mom was the type of woman the first answer stated. If there is money in the bank account then that means that it needs to be spent on something. My dad was if there is money in the bank well there isn't enough keep saving...
Thank you for all your answers and help!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): One of the hallmarks of a good wife is someone who doesn't spend your money like there is no tomorrow. I know that having a large wedding is important to many women but in the situation that you presently find yourself I would hope she would be more understanding. Give this whole thing some serious thought.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 October 2010):
 What a lot of people here aren't going to understand is how common it is, in the west where you live, to be engaged at 19 and married at 21. It's like a whole different culture. Now I'm never one to advocate spending more on as wedding than the couple can easily afford. But, in this case you are misunderstanding what she is trying to tell you. The Big wedding is not the point, (and I hope you are not using the words fairy tale when talking to her), the big wedding is a symbol. If you can provide that for her you can provide the life she wants. Yes she needs to redirect her thinking about starting a marriage with a big chunk of debt, but that is not the point. She wants proof and she wants it now. She doesn't feel secure. Go get a job. Any job, even part time minimum wage. That is the first thing.
Now there is another problem. You are living with her family. (I guessed that because you said she was going to put you out on the street) She is getting pressure from her family to either marry you or get rid of you. Because you are not working they are being critical of every dime you spend. So your second priority is to move out. that will relieve a lot more stress than you think. Living with family for 4 years while you both go to school will wipe out your marriage. It has only taken this short time for her to issue an ultimatum.
Do those two things and you can save this.
FA
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Wow, what stressors! Let me tell you something, you ARE being a supportive man by sticking by your family and trying to care for them as best as you can. You could have walked away like so many men do but you're here. Your fiance is either not understanding the situation or refuses to. The big fairy tale has to be put on hold right now. With the recession at full force, it's bound to be more expensive and there are payments you have to make that directly affect your credit and getting by. You two have NO jobs and I wouldn't advise borrowing. Wait until she calms down, she needs to think about this rationally. Tell her you love her, you're sorry but couldn't she trust you and wait a little? I'd marry the love of my life in the sewers, it's not how/where you marry it's who you marry. I hope she doesn't allow this dream to make her forget that. I'm sorry to say that if she wants you to leave for this, she can't stick with you through richer or poorer. All I can say is let her cool off, let her think.
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