A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend went away for college to play baseball and our relationship is falling apart, is it even worth the heart ache to continue trying?We dated for 2 years in high school, then all of a sudden he broke up with me the summer before we went to college, 3 days before my birthday. we both said some pretty nasty things to each other and went our separate ways for a while. i stayed in our hometown, while he went to a different in-state college to play baseball. i began talking to someone and actually started to really care about them, but it turns out he was my ex-boyfriends best friend. my ex found out and completely shut everyone out for 3 weeks. somehow, he began talking to me again, and i stopped talking to his friend. my ex and i are back together, but things are not the same. he wants to have fun and enjoy each other, while i want to look more into the future. he says he cannot look into the future because he thinks we are too young and he doesn't know if becoming an MLB player is certain. it is hard for me to accept him not knowing what he wnats because i like to have everything planned out. i know that i am going to go to law school and become an attorney, and work everything out. but he just has no idea what his future has in store. i feel like he is even doubting me being in it. all my friends and family think that i need to let him go because he has hurt me so many times in the past and still does everyday. when i try telling him that he is mean and rude to me, he just tries to switch everything around to make it seem like my fault. i understand i can be difficult, but he is never wrong. i love him more than anything and i would do anything for him, so i do not understand why he treats me the way he does, i am over being immature with our relationship, but i feel like he is still stuck on the same page. next semester i will not see him much because he is going to be traveling with the baseball team all spring. i know he loves me, but i am tired of being third and forth to him when i always put him first. i am in college, and am confused if i should continue trying with this boy that i have loved for over two years, or move on from this heart break...
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best friend, broke up, immature, move on, my ex, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2012):
 time to move on... it's over...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Hey Cindy break up with him. He's mean and rude to you there are better people out there that actually deserve you. You don't really love him do you?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 @ Fatherly Advice : actually, I agree with you , or at least, I don't disagree :) . The whole point of my post is : he hurts you- don't let him hurt you anymore, period.
The point that I can't really blame is for him not being sure yet , at 18-21, what exactly his future looks like and who's going to be in it. I think that asking this kind of certainty to a guy his age, good guy or bad guy alike, is a whole lot of asking.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Hi Cindy,
I on the other hand have no trouble blaming him. Young inexperienced abusers who show a pattern are as dangerous as old experienced abusers who exhibit a pattern of abuse.
Let me lay out the pattern so our OP will see it and know what to avoid.
He says nasty things. He tries to control you. Even when you are not together as a couple. He hurts you on a regular basis. He is right, you are at fault. You think that hurting is how you show your love for him.
OP you need to break the cycle in your life. Abused persons tend to go from abusive partner to abusive partner. Save yourself from a future of misery. Date a nice guy. Stop letting the bad boy rule your life.
FA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 November 2012):
Move on, and as fast as you can.
I don't think it is worth the heartache to keep tryng. First, it was broken already, you glued it back somehows, but, like when you glue the pieces of a broken vase, the vase stays somewhat together, but the cracks show , as you have been seeing.
Second, I can't really blame the guy, I mean, he is so young , of course he can't be sure if you'll be in his future.
Good for you and my compliments for being so focused and goal oriented, and having your career all planned out, but , it can't be the same for everybody , and it does not have to.
This guy is going for his dream of being an NBL player, he knows that maybe it won't happen, then who knows what it's going to happen and down which paths his life is going to take him. Sort of a hazy vision, maybe, but still, kudoos to him for tryng for his main dream first- and then he 's got to be flexible and play it by ear. He can't give you any promise or committment and he is being honest about it.
But, regardless of that... you say he has hurt you so many times in the past and is still hurting you today ? Then why are you clinging, do you like to be hurt ?
If he always hurt you in the past, and is always hurting you in the present, what makes you think that he'll suddenly stop hurting you in the future ?...
The hurt is because you are clinging- the hard grip hurts your hands :) Let go and after a while you'll feel much better. At your age most girls have this tunnel vision by which they feel that they ONLY can be happy with Joe, or only with Bob, etc. In fact, happiness comes under many different sizes forms and shapes, - with or without a partner. Only , you have to be receptive to it, and you become receptive when you have learned to love and nurture yourself and choose to admit in your life the people who can make it happier, not sadder. .
Chin up, and good luck with your law practice !
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