A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a really difficult situation. I have been in love with a man for 18 years. When I met him he was separated from his wife and I was newly divorced. We were together 4 years and then he returned to his wife and children. I was hurt but I understood and thought I was no longer in love with him. Fast forward 18 years and they are still married and I am living with my boyfriend of 5 years.My ex boyfriend moved away to another state 10 years ago and we only saw each other 2 times during that period. Nothing happened though we do still say we love each other.He has recently moved back to the state I live in and we decided to get together last weekend just the 2 of us. His wife has not arrived yet and my boyfriend did not want to go with me. We went to the movies, ate dinner and yes, we went back to his new house. I know stupid right. He hit on me and I said no. I explained why, I am in a relationship and my morals dictate that I am not going there with him. Plus I realized that I am still in love with him and he is married. It was just wrong.He got really upset with me and I left. I was so upset over what happened and he wouldn't talk to me about it. He said some really hurtful things to me. He was never in love with me before etc.So my dilemna is that even though I did the right thing I feel terrible about what happened. I feel as though I have lost a friend. My boyfriend and I are not getting along right now and he has never loved me like my ex did. Why do I feel so sad. I would rather be mad. I mean he pressured me and I did the right thing. So why am I crying all the time?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): Thanks all. I agree that the reason I feel sad is due to the rejection. I thought I was over him. I thought I was past his hurting me anymore but I was wrong. I was so wrong. I also think I am upset because he is not the man I thought he was. The fact that he was mean when I rejected him and is now rejecting me back is childish to say the least. I know he loved me.
We have spoken since and he says that he will always love me but we are not planning to ever see each other again. I feel okay with that surprisingly. I guess I did put him on a pedestal.
As to my current boyfriend, well I know now what I want is a man to really love me. I want a man who is faithful and caring. I have to think about this a lot more.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 December 2012):
 It's amazing what refusing to buckle for sex with a guy will bring out from his mouth and brain... It's better than ANY "truth serum"!!!!!
NOW, you know that this "long-term love" was really just looking for a little nooky, all along......
Instead of feeling terrible;... be grateful that you learned what you "really needed" to learn about him BEFORE you gave him your soul....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): I think you're sad because he basically rejected you a second time. The first time he rejected you was when you were together 18 years ago and then he left you to return to his wife. that's got to hurt very deeply. but you managed to be mature about it and stay friends. But now this latest incident where he came onto you and you did the right thing and drew the line in the sand..his (inappriopriate) response was to now reject you as a friend. So, first he rejected you as a partner, and now he's rejecting you as a friend. And then now you're also coincidentally having problems with your bf so you feel more rejection there. I think that's why you feel so sad and that's very understandable, don't beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong. I also feel bad for this guy's wife. Basically he left her (or did something terrible that made her leave him), then after 4 years he came back to her, then after 18 years he tries to cheat on her. their relationship has no peace and it's a pity he went back to her otherwise she might have moved on and found a better husband by now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): Even though you did the right thing, nobody said it was easy, wouldn't or cause emotional pain. Just think if you had slept with him. You already know the predicament you would have been. You would have a totally different post.
I know it hurts, as they say this too shall pass. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Happiness is the result of living your life in accordance to your beliefs. In your words, what your morals dictate, or what is not just wrong.
You can't feel happy in your current relationship because your heart belongs to the other one. You can't be happy with the ex because his heart does not belong to you. Nothing has changed for 22 years.
All that happened lately is that you got a wake up call and a reevaluation. I can't tell you what to do. If I say that you need to let go of the ex and give yourself fully to the new, you may not be able to do it. you have been in this rut for a very long time.
You are trying very hard to live by your beliefs. There are still some contradictions in your life. Until you stop loving a man that is just wrong for you, you will not be able to resolve those conflicts.
I have known people who never were able to stop loving someone they lost. I am afraid that this may be your case.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2012):
 I think perhaps because he dropped of the pedestal you had put him? He showed his true face and it was Ugly? That you loved a guy who would treat you THIS bad?
And maybe because you are a little mad at yourself for still "wanting" to have done the "wrong" thing.
You did do the right thing. And at the need of the day THAT is what you need to focus on.
You say your BF never loved you like you ex, but.. your ex said he never loved you at all, so where is the logic in being sad over this? I think however you are a little unfair on your BF, comparing him to you ex. No two relationships are the same.
Either figure out how to make it work with your BF or end it and find something that DOES make you happy and a guy who DOES love you as you deserve.
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