A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a couple different questions here. 1. Do you think it is better to lose your virginity to another virgin, or to someone who knows what they are doing in the bedroom? Why do you think either way is better? 2. Is it creepy for a 22 year old guy to be spending a lot of time with a 17 year old girl? Late night study sessions, late night movies and offers of rides home. We have become good friends, we text all the time, does this sound like something more than friendship?That kind of turned into more than two questions, and if there are any questions you would like to ask or any clarifications you need, please don't hesitate. You are a wonderful group of people, and I value your input.
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (19 November 2012):
Second question first:
The 5 year age gap between 17 and 22 isn't the problem per se, it's the gap in maturity and life experience that is the problem. If it's truly a casual friendship then accept it for what it is, learn from the guy and enjoy his company. It MAY develop into something more than a casual friendship - but don't let it get too serious for another 2 or 3 years. (My daughter is happily married to a man almost 4 years older than she is, but that relationship didn't start to develop until she was 21.)
First question second:
Sex is a complicated mixture of physiological, mental, and emotional elements. The right time to give your virginity is when you are mature and responsible enough to enter a reciprocal, mutually committed relationship with the person who will be your life partner.
I have only given my virginity once, and that was to another virgin, so I can't address your question with first-hand knowledge of both combinations. That happened on our wedding night, over 38 years ago, and we are still married (yes, to each other!). The very first time was rather lousy sex from the physiological perspective - rather painful and much too quick. But mentally and emotionally it was extremely significant and meaningful to both of us.
The idea of "consummating" the marriage is rather old fashioned but I think we experienced something like that. We gave ourselves to each other, and received each other, in ways that no other person had. On the physical level we didn't worry about how we rated against previous partners. We experienced the joy of discovery and learning together. We didn't have to un-learn any attitudes, disappointments, or poor techniques, left from a previous partner.
I suppose it was a bit like getting a brand-new car. Not just the new car smell, but all zeros on the odometer. Knowing that I'll cherish and care for it, and any premature failures are due to how I maintained and cared for it - not even the result of a salesman taking it "out for a spin, and see what she's capable of doing". Of course, that's a very poor analogy since neither my wife nor I are objects owned by the other, but it starts to make my point.
And after our very first time - the second time, just a couple hours later, was physiologically MUCH better for both of us - though the emotional intensity was nowhere close to the first time. I hope you enjoy, with the partner you give your virginity to, at least as much deep intimacy and as many mutually pleasurable, mattress-thrashing, scream-into-the-pillow, orgasms as I have enjoyed with mine.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): I also vote that 22yo and 17yo is not good.
22yo and 27yo? Fine. 47yo and 52yo? Fine. But those numbers are not in such different stages in life as 17 and 22. A partner being five years older means a lot more at your age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe and the 22 year old are just friends, he has never said anything to the effect of trying to get into my bed, has never asked to come inside my house even. I live on my own, and we work together, and are in the same university. I turn 18 in less than 2 months, and he turned 22 a month ago, if that makes any difference. I never had the intention to jump into bed with him, it would be after a long relationship. the last woman he was with was 28. He has never asked me for anything sexual either, we barely make any physical contact (hugs etc.) either
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (16 November 2012):
 As everyone else has said it is most important to lose your virginity to someone you love and feel 100% comfortable with. I lost my virginity to another virgin and I am glad it worked out that way, but the most important part was that we loved each other. We had been together for over a year, make sure you wait until you are in love but also that you know the guy is serious about you and not looking to just get laid.
As for the 22 year old talking to a 17 year old, it is creepy. If a 22 year old has to go for girls 5 years younger that says a lot about his maturity and his ability to get girls his own age. A man who is an adult should not be looking for a girl.
And yes all of that sounds like it is turning into more than just a friendship. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 November 2012):
 It's not better or worse to lose your virginity with another virgin.
WHO you should lose your virginity o is the key... please make it someone you are involved with already long term... that you trust and love that loves and trusts you... the person should be fully integrated into your life and you into theirs...
there should be trust, honesty, and communication with the person...
As for why a 22 year old MAN wants to spend time with a 17 yr old girl honey, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.... and SHAME on your PARENTS for allowing it....
A 5 year age gap after age say 21 for you is fine... but NOW? NO. a 22 yr old man should be in a different place than a 17 yr old girl.... so do not give him your virginity and if he asks RUN... if he is just being friends and it grows into something over the next few years then that's different but now... NO sex with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): "1. Do you think it is better to lose your virginity to another virgin, or to someone who knows what they are doing in the bedroom? Why do you think either way is better?"
Neither is better or worse OP, it's going to be awkward and painful no matter what. So it's better that you do it in a long term loving relationship so that the moment is special and not just some fumble in the dark with some guy you've only recently started dating, no matter how long you know him or nice you think he is.
"2. Is it creepy for a 22 year old guy to be spending a lot of time with a 17 year old girl? Late night study sessions, late night movies and offers of rides home. We have become good friends, we text all the time, does this sound like something more than friendship?"
No it's not creepy if the guy isn't a creep. If he's a nice guy that treats you with respect and you get on well with him then it's not creepy. If he's the type of guy that makes sex jokes all the time and is trying to get into your knickers then that's creepy.
No it doesn't sound like anything more than friendship OP, but he could well be trying to groom you and get into your knickers so be careful not to get caught out that way. If anything like that is going to happen then it's going to be because you are boyfriend/girlfriend for a good few months.
OP be smart here. If you like him and he likes you then you take it very slowly. He could just be grooming you, using his age to get into a position of trust so he can work his way into your bed and then throw you away once he's done. How you prevent that kind of situation is by never being talked into anything too soon and making him wait a long time. That's what women of all ages do if they're smart and don't want to get used.
Why are you even talking about virginity in this way OP, has he said that it's better with someone with experience, someone like him? Because if he talks like that OP then yes, he's a creep and yes he's grooming you.
OP just understand one thing, for a lot of guys sleeping with a virgin is a huge prize and they will spend a lot of time trying to bag one before they dump her. Be careful and be smart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): If you're asking us whether you should lose your virginity to the 22 year old, or another guy your age, then my answer is based on concern rather than age.
This 22 year old may only be hanging around you because he's after taking your virginity and nothing more. You may well see a lack of interest in you from him once you do allow him to take your virginity! Its always best to lose your virginity to someone you are in a relationship with, someone that you know, love and trust, not some random guy who creepily hangs around you and offers you rides home.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I think you should lose your virginity to someone you love with every fiber of your being, and that the person you lose it to should also love you back the same way, and enough time should have been put into the relationship where the whole issue of sex isn't some fly-by-night decision fueled by simple lust that gets what it wants and takes off down the road.
In short, losing your virginity should never ever be a casual thing, and should never be given to a man who "doesn't want a relationship".
As for your second question, a 22 year old with a 17 year old is illegal in the US, where the age of consent is 18. However, in Canada, the age of consent is 16, so no legal issues here, but you must understand that a 17 year old with a 22 year old are in different worlds. Having a sexual relationship as a teenager with someone who is an adult is an improper balance of power, and the entire dynamic puts the girl at a disadvantage. Add to that the fact that when the sex is done, there won't be a lot in common, and the risk of "love 'em and leave 'em" becomes a serious and very real risk.
I think you should wait to have sex, because this relationship doesn't sound like it can go anywhere due to the large age difference being that one is a teenager and the other is an adult. Had you been 27 and he 32, it wouldn't be a big deal, but now it is.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 November 2012):
 To answer your questions:
It is creepy for a 22 year old guy to spend that kind of time building a relationship with a 17 year old girl.
It is best to lose your virginity to a person who you are in a committed long term relationship with.
FA
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