A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25, and have a son who's 5 years old. My fiance (he's 28) left me only a few days ago for one of my three older sisters (32, 35 and 37, he left me for the 32-year-old one) and I feel low.We were planning to get married next year in March and had saved up a good deal of money for it. My 32-year-old sister (the one he left me for) already has children from a previous relationship; a 5-year-old girl, who has never seen her father since he left, and now my ex is the stepdad. If that wasn't bad enough, he's admitted to me they're now expecting a child together.This will be one weird relationship - my son's cousin will also be his half-sibling and how do you explain that to him when he's older? My son's stepmum is also be his aunt too! My ex now won't pay child support, and I can't believe how insensitive he's been, it's ruining my Christmas. Although I should be glad he's gone, we've been together since I was 21 and he was 24. He doesn't even want to see his son. My sister’s betrayal has left me more heartbroken than I ever thought possible and although I can't forgive her right now, in time will I ever forgive her? I have been getting support off my other two sisters and my family, they've been great comfort, but do I need counselling, and how will I cope with the state of this relationship? Also, as for my ex, what if he wants to see the kid, shoudl I let him (I've heard of people who come back claiming to 'see his son' but just want to get back with their ex). Also, anyone else know of any odder relationships than this (i.e. my son's half-sibling will also be his cousin as well)Any advice is appreciated as I want to enjoy Christmas and don't want to be depressed.
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male
reader, nudist1  +, writes (19 December 2012):
I met my wife while she was 6 months pregnant. The guy didn't want anything to do with her being pregnant. He came to visit the baby 3 months later , saying he wanted to see him. I joked with her that he just wanted to see her again. Well i got to her home and they were in the kitchen, the baby in the living room, he left after 15 min. I asked her did he even visit with the baby and she said no. So he has not see his dad , he's 18 yrs old now. My wife wanted not to deal with weekend visitation so we didn't go after him for support. But you being single need the financial help to raise your son. Go to court and don't let him keep producing babies without being responsible for them.. As for christman be the bigger person - visit with family and enjoy their company for your son. You don't have to talk to your sister or ex. Do it for your son, so he can get to know his family. I wish you luck. Merry Christmas to you and your son.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2012):
 My ex husband's family has brother cousins. Same mom but the dads are THREE different cousins in the same family. Ugh.
Daddys have a right to see their kids. They also have a responsibility to pay child support and the two are NOT related sadly.
My advice. Get an attorney and file for Child support ASAP. Have it garnished out of his wages so you get it from Child Support Enforcement and do not have to deal with him and worrying that he won't pay his support payments for his child (and remember they are for the child so to prevent arguments keep good records about what you spend the money on. I can see this later on down the road getting very ugly with a sister who is doing without so her stepson/nephew has a decent life)
Also remember we can choose our family but not our relatives.
I would cut your sister off since she stabbed you in the back (and good riddance to bad rubbish honey what's to prevent him from cheating on her later on? NOTHING) and surround yourself with loving and supportive friends.
Build your life with your son and live well.
And yes counseling sounds like an excellent idea.
Also please know that his bad behavior is NOT a reflection on you as a woman, a partner, a sister, a mother or a person. HIS bad behavior is a reflection on him.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Yes there are more odd relationship than this but forget that.
It's early days and you're going to feel the acute pain of what happened for a long time yet. It's a huge shame it's happened at Christmas, both your sister and your (now) ex are absolute monsters for doing this to you.
The positives? Yes there are some, firstly, you didn't go so far as to marry this idiot. Imagine that for a second? Imagine how much worse this would be if you had to go through a divorce on top of all of this hurt?
It's clear he's a total cheat and a liar - you are better off knowing that now and being without him.
Your sister? Don't? Huge betrayal of course, I only hope the wider family see things this way and that she gets her just desserts.
These two won't last and pretty soon your cheating randy ex will be back, begging you to take him back.
That's the point where you are going to need to take control and tell him to get lost. Seriously, if you let him get away with this now, he WILL do it to you again. Please trust me? I've been dealing with people and their issues for over 15 years on a professional level and I can promise you I am right. As sad as it seems, your story is NOT unique.
Concentrate on looking after your child and healing the wounds that have been inflicted upon you. Let go of this idiot who obviously thinks with his private parts.
As for your son's relationship with him? Don't interfere. Let it happen, let them have that relationship. Sooner or later your ex will let your son down as he has done you and himself at the moment.
At that point, your son will instinctively know all of the things you are bursting to tell him. Again, trust me.
For now, try to accept what's happened and concentrate on protecting yourself from what is to come.
They will both come crawling someday, if not now then certainly in 2013. Be ready to face them with dignity and pride.
They've done wrong. You've not.
Good luck eh?
All you need to do is remember that the two people you love most in life and the only two people who matter are YOU and your son.
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A
female
reader, Jovian Erinys +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Unfortunately, you will not feel better by Christmas because you are having a natural reaction to a messed up situation and it will take a natural course in forgiveness and acceptance. This may take years as the dysfunction is within the family. Your ex and your sister are highly self-centered and insensitive towards respecting others. They appear to be having some issues with regulating their impulses and desires and they have crossed the line when their impulses disrupt not only other family members but kids! I am certain you will see the choices they have made in life will damage them in many ways but that's not going to help you in your process of healing. You will need continued support and it may help to speak with a therapist that specializes relationships. Make certain that your child is out of the harms way.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Lets start with a partial answer. Child support and Visitation have to do with the fathers relationship with his children. Both should be encouraged. They should not be used as weapons of retaliation by either partner. in this area think of the child's rights needs needs first.
As to the guy and the sister and the child on the way. . . Well that is a heckuva mess.
About the holiday, the best way to find the joy of the season is to look outward and be as generous as you can.
FA
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