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How do you deal with losing someone who made you genuinely happy when you did nothing to cause the distance?

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Question - (13 November 2012) 14 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, *akers_lover09 writes:

Thank u in advance for ur help. So i had a female friend who i have been getting along with since September. We would see and talk to one another at least twice a week. I had feelings for her but since it was a great connection i let it play itself out. Problem( is, she spent the night with me last Saturday (no sex or kissing just laid in bed and fell asleep). This is the last I've heard from her. Wen i contact her, she is either brief or doesn't respond and when i saw her on campus today, even tho she acted normal, i could tell it was awkward. I didn't do anything to upset her or make her start avoiding me. And how i feel like someone i had feelings for and was a good friend is gone. I know u guys cant help since u dnt know her, but can u tell me how do i just accept losing someone i care for even when i did nothing to cause her to become distant? How do i deal with losing someone who made me genuinely happy?

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (15 November 2012):

person12345 agony auntTook me months to get over the guy I liked. No it's not too late, but the longer you wait...

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (15 November 2012):

DV1 agony auntYea, no worries... It wasn't you... There was either stress, she got scared because she started to care too much, or there was someone else... Those are the only real options...

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIF you really like her, then do it.... it's not too late.

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A male reader, lakers_lover09 United States +, writes (14 November 2012):

lakers_lover09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I want to. But is it worth it at this point? I feel like she's gone so should i even tell her now?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'm in agreement with Sweet-Thing.. I'm betting she hoped you would make a move and when you didn't she figured you don't feel that way about her and to protect her heart she's making herself scarce.

how about you tell her how you really feel....

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (14 November 2012):

Sweet-thing agony auntMaybe she was expecting you to make a move on her sexually and when you didn't she felt rejected. I don't know what the circumstances were when she spent the night with you but I'm thinking this might be the one time that acting like a complete gentleman backfired on you. Women do have those subconscious expectations that tell them if a guy is interested he's gonna put the moves to you, given the chance. You had the chance, you played it cool. She thinks you are either gay or just not that into her.

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (14 November 2012):

DV1 agony auntYou definitely need to talk to her, but be cool about it...

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A male reader, lakers_lover09 United States +, writes (14 November 2012):

lakers_lover09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank u all! Live and learn. It was just so abrupt and completely distant lol but thanks guys

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (13 November 2012):

person12345 agony auntI had a similar situation in college. I wound up spending the night in bed with a guy I liked and he didn't make a move at all. I had already made the first, second, third, and fourth moves, so I assumed (wrongly) that he wasn't interested. We didn't talk again for months, and by then I'd already moved on.

I'm guessing the situation was similar with your friend (though can't be sure obviously). Why don't you try talking to her about it? Let her know you like her and ask her out.

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A female reader, K.rida United States +, writes (13 November 2012):

You definitely should ask her what is wrong. You say you had a great connection, so maybe she had romantic feelings for you and is feeling rejected because you didn't make a move on her? Or she just wants to be friends and is feeling awkward about crossing a boundary with you? Whatever the case may be, you should talk to her. Now is the time to put yourself out there. It's not going to get any less awkward unless you talk about it. Why would you just assume that since she seems distant that you should just let her go? If she's important to you, you should be willing to fight for her. If she doesn't come around, then at least you know you tried. Good luck!

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States +, writes (13 November 2012):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI would say that you have nailed down the problem pretty nicely.

You didn't do anything, and because you didn't do anything she is upset.

As for advice, live and learn.

FA

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A male reader, lakers_lover09 United States +, writes (13 November 2012):

lakers_lover09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

She said she has been really stressed and busy. But it felt like " o i need an excuse as to y i am avoiding u".

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthave you asked her what's wrong?

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A male reader, human_male New Zealand +, writes (13 November 2012):

human_male agony auntIt sucks but these things happen in life. If she won't talk to you and tell you what's wrong, which she probably won't, all you can do is walk away and try and put it behind you.

It's hard but try and look forward to the next special person in your life.

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