A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a situation and i'm unsure what to do, my fear has set in and I can feel myself ruining it and I'm doing things I shouldn't be. I'm scared that I don't know if I should end it..I've been dating this guy for about a month, it's gotten serious with us that he has just asked me to be his girlfriend and that was about two weeks ago. So it escalated with us very quick, but we liked each other so much that I wanted it and I just wanted us to be together properly so I said yes.I've always been put off relationships, being committed to one person only and just them, always felt like I was trapped. I would date someone and then once I felt it getting serious, I would push them away and do anything to end it. I just panicked and it scared me. It was this awful cycle I'd let myself get into.Well I decided recently I do want a relationship, out of nowhere I thought I do want to be with someone properly and the thought of it was nice and appealed to me. I gave this guy a chance and we dated nearly 2 months which is much longer than any other guy and I could feel it getting serious and this one time it didn't scare me at all, I didn't pull back or any sort. So I thought maybe, I'm ready and wanting a relationship if I've managed this, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend I said yes and I was honestly so happy about it.But nearly two weeks in and it's only sunk in that I'm in a relationship with this guy, not dating anymore, but properly in this and committed to just him. That thought has been churning in my head a lot over the past few days and I've managed to revert back to my thoughts of before. I've been coming up with excuses of why I can't see him, not replying to his texts as much as usual. My contact is dropping and I'm pushing him away just like I would before! I'm trying so hard to ignore it and not to, but I'm feeling like I can't do this and it's not what I want.I don't know if I should tell him this and end it, or if I should try push past it and work it out, I really need advice what to do? I can't understand why I feel this way and do these things, I've never had a bad experience with a relationship or dating someone before, so why do I do this and feel that way? He's amazing and I like him stupid amounts, but i'm not sure what's right thing to do...
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 February 2014):
 OK I'm going to give you the Dad advice. The Old people have seen this before and don't worry it's more normal than you think.
So you are in a record breaking relationship, You have been dating the same guy for 10 weeks. Steady for the last 2. Hey this is all new territory for you. Of course you are nervous. Of course you find comfort in old patterns. Change is never easy. Now you sat down and decided for your own very good reasons to do this. Those reasons are still there. But you have these emotions and feelings. And . . . Well . . . Relationships do end. This might be one of those. but it isn't ending right now. You just have cold feet.
So you came for advice and you asked some good questions. Let's get to some of those. What's the right thing to do? you ask. And "I don't know if I should tell him this and end it, or if I should try push past it and work it out." The answer from the old guy is tell him how you feel, sort of. Don't go up and say "I feel trapped you must free me". Instead say "This is all so new and wonderful to me and I'm just not sure where to go next, I'm a little nervous so if I say something wrong it's because I'm new here." A smart guy who is really into you. (and he shows signs that he is) Will take your hand and figuratively help you through this. It gives him a good chance to be all manly and protective. That is good for both of you.
One last thing, for Pete's sake don't break up until after Valentines day. What will he do with the present he already bought? How will you feel being alone on Singles Awareness Day? I know it seems a bit dishonest to hold out for a present when you are contemplating breakup, but in your case I just see it as incentive to stick to your plan at least one more week.
FA
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 February 2014):
 i see 3 possibilities here.
1. maybe you just aren't ready or don't want to date. i think you're so set on the fact that you need to change this behavior or that you're somehow in the wrong, that you're turning a blind eye to what your heart is telling you. you're still very young. maybe the idea of settling down and getting cozy just isn't for you. not yet, at least. you have plenty of time to figure that out. in the meantime, just go with the flow and see what happens, and if you start to distance yourself, then you're just not ready.
2. sometimes, a person can say that they are terrified of commitment and not be ready to settle down, and run from every relationship they've ever had, but the moment they meet that one person who just knocks their socks off, it all changes. it's possible you just haven't met that one person who moves you in that way. sure, you may really like these guys at the time, but you'll know the difference when you meet someone who you REALLY connect with. maybe that's the only problem here. maybe you just haven't met that really special person you want to fully commit to.
3. you may have a legitimate fear stemming from previous experiences that left you jaded. i was much like you. i danced from relationship to relationship, not wanting any committment at all. i was referenced to a frog hopping from lillypad to lillypad. the reason i did this was because i had let myself be vulnerable one time, and i got my heart trampled on. so i swore to myself i wouldn't let it happen again. and it was like a revolving door of relationships for years for me; until i met the right one and it changed EVERYTHING. so, in other words, have you experienced anything in life that has completely put you off of relationships in some way? did your parents have a turbulent relationship? have you been cheated on? did you experience an abusive relationship? the list could go on. if you've ever experienced something about relationships that scares you or hurt you deeply in some way, this may be the root of the issue at hand. if this is the case, and you think it's the reason why you're reacting this way, i suggest taking a dating hiatus until you think you can get to a good place within yourself. that may mean a couple of years of no dating. just focusing on you and how to recover from what hurt you.
good luck.
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