A
female
age
30-35,
*aileyLove
writes:Hey, everyone.So, I'm having a problem with this guy that I just met. He's a very sweet guy, but sometimes the things he says are just plain overboard! I gave him my number and we started talking. But, he came right out and said that he liked me a lot, but then he started saying things like, "You're the one. The girl I've been waiting for." or "We were meant to be together." and, honestly, it's a bit creepy. He also will occasionally say something like, "My heart beats wildly when you talk to me."I don't know what to do or say! Is this supposed to be flattering? And, I JUST got out of a relationship, or as my ex puts it, we're on a "break". So, honestly, I'm not looking to get into another relationship. Not for my ex's sake, but because I'm just too damn tired of them. And this guy has this full expectation that I want to be with him.Not to mention, he texts me EVERY DAY! And all he does is whine and complain about how "awful" his life is... I can't take much more of it. And he just doesn't get it, like, one bad thing after another and he'll complain about that too. He's always asking, "Can I call you? I got beat up." "Can I call you? My ex said some really hurtful things." "Can I call you? My friends are jerks."I'd absolutely love to be friends with the guy, but I don't want to get romantically involved with him (being that I'm only recently single), and I don't want to be his shoulder to cry on. What do I do, or say? I would've said something to him earlier, but I don't want to come off like a jerk.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (16 December 2013):
Dear OP -
Not wanting to be a jerk is a good thing, but it's not a sufficient reason to keep up a friendship. There has to be genuine sympathy from your side, a genuine interest in his life. Judging from your post, it rather sounds like you pity him than like him.
I think that in the long run, you can't be platonic friends with him, because he already makes too many romantic comments. You only just met the guy and he refers to you as "the one" which is way over the top and leaves NO doubt he's not just interested in friendship. So, this probably has a limited time span (unless you want to start a relationship with a whiny and desperate sounding person).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): Guess what I have a similar situation with you.
But the difference is the guy who have a crush on me is not creepy as yours.
his actually nice. I never even have a clue he likes to date me until I asked him if he would be interested to date my friend.
Well why don't u try what i did, like setting him up with someone else? See if it works. maybe he would be able to get your not romantically interested with him. In a nice way.
Its better to be honest than to go with the flow that would not go further.
I think I am a jerk. LOL. Maybe you should ask for ore advise.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 December 2013):
 First of all, I agree - if you are on a BREAK you don't go around chatting up other dudes. Even if you thought you could keep it purely platonic, because as you have found out, you can't control the dude's feeling and actions. Obviously he IS NOT LOOKING for a friend - so you CAN NOT be "just" friends with him.
You just met, he is CREEPY. And WAY overboard. He is projecting all these ideals onto you hoping that IF he calls you "The One" then you will BE "The One". And then you say all he does is whine and complain and he expects you to sit and listen to that? Yea, NOT a good way to "woo" a woman either.
You need to be honest with him, that you are NOT looking for a replacement, that you are on a "break".
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 December 2013):
 Kailey,
I'm going to give it to you straight. When you said "all he does is whine and complain", I knew that this was not the guy for you. I know that in your current vulnerable situation you want someone who is different from your ex, but this is the wrong different. This sweet kid (not man), needs a mom, not a girlfriend.
Aside from that the aunts are telling you the truth, You're not ready, he's not ready.
FA
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 December 2013):
 First of all, honestly, if you just broke up with your boyfriend (and he thinks you're NOT broken up, but on a "break"), you shouldn't be exchanging numbers and just starting the beginnings of a new relationship with someone else if you're not over him, and it's pretty clear you haven't healed from your last one. Take time with just yourself now.
Second of all, this guy sounds a bit damaged. He's using you as a therapist and making too many comments about being "the one". He is a bit toxic, and I would very highly suggest not keeping him around as a friend, even though you don't want to appear as a jerk. You need to tell him that you made a mistake, that you are too fresh off of your breakup, and that you're not ready for a relationship now, and you're not the woman for him. Don't drag it out or assuage your guilt by promising him friendship. Just end it clean and straight.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 December 2013):
 Yeah he's way too needy and coming on way too strong. Even forms girl who isn't on the rebound.
You can do one of two things:
1. Break it off and let it go.
2. Try to talk to him and tell him how you feel and get him to back off and just be friends.
It's never too late to be honest.
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