A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some tips on encouraging my girlfriend be a little more helpful around the house. We have been together 3 years and have lived together in an apartment for the past year. I will be the first to admit that I am not crazy about cleaning, but I try not no make a mess around the house and when I do I clean it up. My girlfriend on the other hand, leaves dishes everywhere, has piles of clothes in our room and bathroom, and hates to do dishes and throw out the trash or vacuum. When we moved in we made a deal that we would split the chores and since then I have kept up with my half while she has not. when its her turn to throw away trash she will literally let up to 3 big bags get full before she throws them in the dumpster. most of the time I end up doing her chores because I cant stand the smell and clutter. I have talked to her about this but she simply gets angry and actually does them but is mad at me for a day or two.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I agree with FA.
The chore list isn't working. Personally, it did for me with my first BF and with my husband (up to a point) I don't expect 50/50 as far as chores. My husband worked long hours when he was active duty - he was away a lot on training/deployments/school so splitting things 50/50 JUST wouldn't have worked.
Right now, I would say I do 80% (if not more) of the chores BUT my husband and I have over the years found that if there is a chore we don't mind ( for instance I like doing laundry -except putting it all away - he doesn't mind putting it away (or we make the kids put their own away, so that helps). Hubby loves to do the shopping - and he is pretty good at it, good at look for deals and following the list so HE does the shopping. I could go on.
My husband has NEVER been good at using the hampers and that resulted in ME not picking up his dirty clothes nor washing it, he WASHED his own, simply because he ran out of clean clothes. I tell you it's taken over 15 years for him to HIT the hampers, but he does it now and I DO his laundry too.
As for the trash. I'm sorry if it piles up to 3 HUGE trash bags why do you insist on not taking it out yourself? I could never live with 1 let alone 2-3 over filled trash bags. Eww, just eww. My rule is, trash goes out EVERY night before bed time, whether the bag is full or not. However for us, we are a family of 5 so more trash (I would presume
) then from 2 people.
Instead of TRYING to get her to do stuff, do as FA said - tell her that you two live together - there is NO ONE but the TWO of you to pick up AFTER you two, so it is as simple as PICKING up after yourselves.
CHORES need done. It's that simple. If you walk past something pick it up, put it away. Whether it's yours or hers. NOW if she constantly REFUSES to lift a finger then it's up to you to either accept it, TALK to her again or decide it's not going to work.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 February 2014):
 This is a pretty typical problem. You bring people together from divergent backgrounds and you start mixing traditions and habits. Sooner or later one person's habit is going to bother another. Trust me she is as annoyed at you for pestering her to clean up as you are at her for putting off cleaning.
The first thing you need to do is chuck the chore chart. I know it feels so fair to take turns, but since we are not robots all it does is build resentment and the anticipation of resentment. Let's face it you don't like when it is her turn to take out the trash any more than she does. Happier people have one simple rule. If you see something that needs to be done, do it.
I know what you are thinking, "she won't do anything". And it could work out that way. You need to make an offer to sweeten the deal. My brother did this and so have I. My Brother's wife almost never cooks. My wife does not fold laundry. I suspect that the garbage is the point in your life.
This is how you approach it. "honey I've decided to do away with the chore list. It just isn't working. I'll make you a deal. I'll take out all of the trash. All you have to do is when you see something that needs to be picked up or washed you just do it. I'll do the same." It sounds a bit uneven but that just helps to sell it. In the end it will even out just fine.
One other thing, do you have a hamper in your room, and bathroom? If not buy those before you start making a deal. Some of the best relationship I ever got was that in a marriage each partner needs to give about 60%. Take half right out of your vocabulary. If you don't think you are doing more than half, you are probably doing less.
FA
...............................
|
