| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
Q. Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
A. 29 August 2014: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/10-ways-a-guy-can-get-himself-kicked.html
I'm really not sure what happened to the title but perhaps some one will fix it
FA... (read in full...)
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
Q. Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
A. 29 August 2014: O K I've written it. As soon as it clears customs I'll post a link to it in here. I'm hoping I will get a few additions as well.
FA... (read in full...)
High school Homecoming: I need advice, which girl might be the best choice to ask?
Q. Hey people of DC, Forge is back again... with more high school "fun." Ready to help? The issue is Homecoming. By far the biggest school event I've been to. The dance, pep rally, football game, you know, eventful stuff. I have time on this, than...
A. 29 August 2014: I seem to be a little on the other side of the fence from most of the advice so I think a bit of clarification is in order, and Should be helpful for Forge. Back when I rode my dinosaur to school. Dating was going out with girls and getting to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never buy me gifts or flowers. Do you think this is petty of me to think this way or is this a problem?
Q. I buy my boyfriend nice gifts, all the time. Golf stuff, beer stuff, nice ties... He really doesn't do anything for me at all. He brought me a book for my birthday and a sex toy and that's about it. Otherwise, our relationship (one year so far...
A. 29 August 2014: Well, I'm pretty sure the OP has abandoned us. I could throw around some blame for that but chances are it is just a typical post and forget that happens here so often.
If no one objects I'd like to hijack the thread and chase down a tang... (read in full...)
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
Q. Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
A. 29 August 2014: I agree a guy should write it. I'd be willing to contribute. But I'm not sure I could do it all. Sure I have a lot of experience, but ten seems daunting today. Maybe if I got code warrior, cerberus and wiseowle to colaborate. . . ... (read in full...)
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
Q. Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
A. 29 August 2014: Nice Job Cindy!
Of course people will always want to add to a list. I'll just pick my favorites.
# 5 Yes we all want miss right, we don't want miss Always right.
#6 This is a pretty good explanation of the mothering thing. So easily a pro... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never buy me gifts or flowers. Do you think this is petty of me to think this way or is this a problem?
Q. I buy my boyfriend nice gifts, all the time. Golf stuff, beer stuff, nice ties... He really doesn't do anything for me at all. He brought me a book for my birthday and a sex toy and that's about it. Otherwise, our relationship (one year so far...
A. 29 August 2014: I'd just like to quickly repeat the advice to look into the love languages book / website. This really is at the heart of OP's question. He needs the information as much as she does.
FA... (read in full...)
Can you really teach yourself to sing?
Q. How an earth is this possible.... My sister is 20 and I've known since we were little she can't sing, she usually signs around the house and it's not bad but she's not great either. Well she's been at uni for the past 8 months and has been teachin...
A. 29 August 2014: There is a certain danger in disbelieving what is obviously right there in front of you.
Singing is a skill. some people could learn from a CD program and improve quite a bit. Some people will need group instruction, some will need individual inst... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting about him not initiating any text for the last few days ?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 2 months over the summer and he had to move 6 hours away (driving) to finish his masters program for one year. Prior to his moving we had spent a month and half 24/7 together. We had gotten very close and decided ...
A. 28 August 2014: Good things come home to girls that wait.
OK here is the deal. Going from a summer romance to a long distance romance is the ultimate reality check. You will know in 3 week whether this is the real thing or just chemicals talking. If you can'... (read in full...)
High school Homecoming: I need advice, which girl might be the best choice to ask?
Q. Hey people of DC, Forge is back again... with more high school "fun." Ready to help? The issue is Homecoming. By far the biggest school event I've been to. The dance, pep rally, football game, you know, eventful stuff. I have time on this, than...
A. 28 August 2014: Honestly Forge, you have got this all wrong. Your best bet for homecoming is to ask the girl out that you have had a few friendly dates with. Since you have neglected to man up and buy some ice cream with any of these gals all summer you are in no ... (read in full...)
Can I still pull it off with my childish underwear?
Q. I've never been sexually active with someone else before and never saw a need to impress. I'm having sex soon and don't know if my cotton polka dotted panties and plain bras will pull off the seductive look. I'm low on cash so can't go buying ...
A. 20 August 2014: Appropriate lingerie for the event if you ask me. Wear your newest pair. Seductive is many things, Innocent or inexperienced is the message these will send, those can be seductive. The confidence you have is going to be the most attractive part ... (read in full...)
Neither of us is ready for parenting, so why do I keep thinking about having his child?
Q. Before I begin, I would really love it if nobody judged me or made fun of me. Because I know my feelings are wrong but I just want to know what is making me feel this way. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost 8 months ...
A. 20 August 2014: Normal? Well lets just say pretty common for girls from 15 - whatever. What is uncommon is your very sane questioning of this impulse. Why? Biology, hormones, evolution, your body just wanting to do the things it was designed for. A lot of young ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be exclusive, she says sex with another woman doesn't count!
Q. I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She ...
A. 18 August 2014: I don't want to make a ruling. It's not my place. It is your place. You and your exclusive partner define what your relationship is. There are all kinds of relationships out there. You and your partner have a disagreement over the definition of ... (read in full...)
I've discovered I'm bi and I'm scared
Q. I have recently found out (i say recently, bout, what, 4months ago?) Found out that i am bisexual. I am quit scared" as i believe that gay relationships are wierd and creepy and so are the people in them. Also i have no idea what any of my ...
A. 17 August 2014: Just because you are attracted to someone does not mean that you have to have a relationship (or sexual intercourse or whatever) with them. You should never have a relationship that you feel is weird or creepy. Not acting on all of your desires or ... (read in full...)
He's a super nice guy but I'm worried that he's gay
Q. I just started seeing this guy I met online. He is so incredibly nice, sweet and wants the same things I do. However, I worry that he may be gay and just in the closet. He's the first guy I've ever met who hasn't had his hands all over me or t...
A. 8 August 2014: Arrrgh! This is so frustrating! Gay men like men. Manly men!
Being effeminate is another thing. It might turn you off, you haven't decided that.
Being asexual is another thing, just as hard to deal with as homosexual.
Being courteous is... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has turned into an egotistical jerk! Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and we used to have the perfect relationship. He used to buy me things, he used to be so nice and considerate, and he would always make me feel special. But recently, it just stopped. He's obsessed ...
A. 8 August 2014: mark says," Anyone who tells a GF they love themselves more then them is arrogant, insecure and deluded."
and 16
Sure save your feelings and teach him a lesson at the same time, Stop seeing him.
FA
... (read in full...)
My family ignored my repeated requests to have a homemade card for my birthday. I"m hurt and disappointed!
Q. Ok, so it is my 19th birthday today, so this may sound trivial, but it's important to me. When I was growing up, it was a tradition to make birthday/anniversary/Christmas/thank you cards for family. That continued for me and my older brother until ...
A. 30 July 2014: I get it, I really do. I've been married for over 25 years and this year was the first time I can remember getting the birthday present right. There are so many ways to get it wrong. I almost got it wrong again this year. Her b-day is in july ... (read in full...)
Is this cheating? My husband bought his female colleague perfume!
Q. My husband told me that he really appreciates his female colleague and bought her perfume for her birthday gift. Should I be worried? ...
A. 30 July 2014: I would always advise you to be cautious. On the other hand your husband is following good boundaries. He is telling you you about the present before he gives it. Perfume is a strange choice as it is quite personal. Some guys just are not good ... (read in full...)
Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl?
Q. Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl? They're doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. What I mean by the same type of ...
A. 20 July 2014: Male Annon,
While what you are describing is common it is not the situation we are talking about. We aren't talking about a nice guy who is abandoned as his girl returns to an abusive partner. We are talking about guys who keep going back afte... (read in full...)
I can't get a Bf, but is it because I think boys judge girls on their looks?
Q. I had a crush on this boy for about a year, (he was 18) and we have been friends for about 4 years. I thought it was time for me to tell him how I feel, it took a lot of courage but eventually I asked him out. He said he'd get back to me.. He came ...
A. 17 July 2014: See: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/rejection.html
and: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-nice-guys-complain-that-girls-never.html
So a guy you really liked was really mean to you. That is the point of your story. Yep he was a jerk. Y... (read in full...)
Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl?
Q. Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl? They're doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. What I mean by the same type of ...
A. 17 July 2014: OK OK I'm back and Frustrated.
BTW Imissfutruerama, Thanks for joining and making a name, it makes it easier for us to relate to you.
I have known a few "nice guys" who can't get a date. They are nice and polite by their standards, What they rea... (read in full...)
I just don't really know where I could ever find someone.
Q. I am sort of looking for ideas and advice on where I can find/meet a guy. I am 21 years old and I have never really had a boyfriend. I know a lot of people meet partners at college or school but I am not in college. I work full time in a reta...
A. 16 July 2014: "looking for ideas and advice on where I can find/meet a guy."
It's been a while since I've answered a question like this but the answers are still the same.
Hobbies, Clubs, and service groups.
This way you meet people who are interested i... (read in full...)
My parents hate my boyfriend who was also my ex...and now I'm 6 weeks pregnant. How do I break this news to them?
Q. When I was 15 I met a guy and started dating him, he was everything a parent didnt want their teenage daughter dating. Part of me liked him because he drive my parents crazy. He was older (20 yrs old) had run away from home , lived with friends,...
A. 16 July 2014: I don't know if you wrote the title to this thread but it is just one of those questions that begs for a smart one word answer. I'm not going to resist the temptation this time because in fact it is the right answer and can be applied to your ... (read in full...)
Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl?
Q. Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl? They're doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. What I mean by the same type of ...
A. 16 July 2014: Wow, I just had a oh Duh moment. I have always believed this. as long as I can remember. Girls just like dangerous bad boy types. Then as I was reading the OP and all the replys I started thinking about my own experience.
I've always cons... (read in full...)
Is it time to call quits on my relationship?
Q. Is it time to call quits on my relationship? I've been with my boyfriend for close to five years. We've had some amazing times together but the cons have been building up to boiling point lately. I've never liked how disrespectfully he speak...
A. 11 July 2014: The standard advice in this situation is exactly what you expect from your family. "if you want to know how he will treat you as your husband, look at how he treats his mother"
Run
FA... (read in full...)
Is it right for my boyfriend to give his phone number to other women?
Q. I've never considered myself to be the jealous type but lately I've been getting upset about my boyfriend giving his number out to other women. This situation started about 6 months ago when I found out that he ran into an old ex girlfriend one d...
A. 11 July 2014: I'd be upset, Reconnecting is a high risk activity. Overall it is a pattern of setting up a plan B. It says that he is not secure in his relationship with you.
FA... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay? straight? or just curious?
Q. I'm questioning whether to believe my husband when he says he's not gay or bi after I confronted him about knowing he watched/chatted with a couple trannies this one time that I know of. There were also females he watched/chatted with as well. He ...
A. 11 July 2014: Well, I'd be a lot more worried about thrill seeking than flirting while on a "break". I'm trying to figure out why his orientation is a problem to you now. Is he losing attraction to you , or are you just looking for an excuse to get out?
F... (read in full...)
My parents say it's being a teenager. But are my moods, withdrawing, or being gregarious or angry normal for teenagers?
Q. This is something that my friends have said to me, and I do notice that it's happening, but I don't notice what I'm doing. (Just bear with me here) I go through times of complete social inactivity. I don't talk to anyone, I don't play my Xbox, or k...
A. 6 July 2014: Thanks 15, your experience is important for forge to understand. As adults we do tend to worry more about mood swings in girls. As a guy and a father of a guy I've come to understand that we guys have similar if (usually) less pronounced mood ... (read in full...)
My parents are so strict I am getting teased about it!
Q. OK, so I need some advice. My parents are really, really strict and I've NEVER been on a date before. Even when I hang out with friends, I'm not allowed to do it unless they drive us there and back and they're really strict on the amount of time. ...
A. 6 July 2014: I'm a less strict christian than your parents. I do agree on some points 13 is an appropriate age for chaperoned outings. But Kissing before marriage? I think I know exactly one couple who waited for the preachers OK to start kissing. Don't get ... (read in full...)
I can walk around naked and he doesn't bat an eyelid!
Q. Hi I'm new to this it's my first ever time asking anyone for help really, I feel you you as I am in a situation like it :-( I have been with my husband for 15 years he was my first boyfriend we have kids together and everything was ok really u...
A. 6 July 2014: Have you actually tested that theory? Some of my thoughts on this are he is having trouble making the connection that the mother of his children can be a smoking hot lover as well. Some guys get so lost in this we're parents not lovers thing that ... (read in full...)
I love her but I feel we should break up
Q. My gf and I have been together for about 4 years and it's been mostly good. But for the past year I have been unhappy. I've tried to determine why I'm unhappy but don't really have a reason. I just am. I've told my gf about my feelings and tried to...
A. 4 July 2014: there is a name for not being happy and not knowing why you are unhappy. Doctors call it Depression.
Either that or Honey is right.
FA... (read in full...)
Can a married person having an affair have the right to accuse the partner of being deceitful?
Q. Does this make any sense or am I wrong? Here's the scenario: a single guys is having a torrid love affair with a married woman for a long time. He only sleeps with her but does socialize with other women, and men of course, from time to time, bu...
A. 4 July 2014: Now we are getting to the meat of this matter. Not why did she think he was cheating. Not is it fair/ just. The real question is why did she not give him a chance to explain? Did not this long long term affair mean enough to her to at least get ... (read in full...)
Can a married person having an affair have the right to accuse the partner of being deceitful?
Q. Does this make any sense or am I wrong? Here's the scenario: a single guys is having a torrid love affair with a married woman for a long time. He only sleeps with her but does socialize with other women, and men of course, from time to time, bu...
A. 3 July 2014: What you are saying is that this cheating woman is not only a low life degenerate cheat, she is also a hypocrite.
Or are you saying that she already knew plenty about his character from he knowledge of what he was willing to do with her so she ... (read in full...)
Am I selfish because I do not want to be selfless?
Q. I was dating who I thought to be the most perfect man 3 months ago. He was everything I thought I wanted in a man, and more. We broke up very recently and I have been having mixed emotions of it everyday and am trying to sort out my feelings. ...
A. 2 July 2014: So this is a OMG did I do the right thing post.
I personally think you did the right thing for the right reason. Your agony over whether or not you are selfish is another issue. You accepted his breaking up with you, because you knew that you ... (read in full...)
Two guys like me and I like them both back!
Q. Two guys really like me and I like them back. They are both great guys and I don't know which to choose. Both of them get me presents for which ever occasion it is. So I don't know which one to choose because they both asked me out....
A. 2 July 2014: That's not much to go on. You really should be honest with both of them while you are deciding. Joe, I can't be committed to you yet. There is another guy asking and I want to decide on my own schedule. I would be happy to hang out and get to ... (read in full...)
My parents are so strict I am getting teased about it!
Q. OK, so I need some advice. My parents are really, really strict and I've NEVER been on a date before. Even when I hang out with friends, I'm not allowed to do it unless they drive us there and back and they're really strict on the amount of time. ...
A. 1 July 2014: Even the best intentions of parents can go astray. My house rules were more lax than your parents but dating was still wait until 16 and then in groups please.
I wonder if you are thinking it is time for a rebellion? If so I think you should cons... (read in full...)
My parents say it's being a teenager. But are my moods, withdrawing, or being gregarious or angry normal for teenagers?
Q. This is something that my friends have said to me, and I do notice that it's happening, but I don't notice what I'm doing. (Just bear with me here) I go through times of complete social inactivity. I don't talk to anyone, I don't play my Xbox, or k...
A. 1 July 2014: Hi again Forge,
This one also sounds familiar to me. Yes this is because you are a teen. But, that doesn't mean you don't need to find healthy ways to deal with it.
Chemically you are experiencing hormone levels that are not stable and you are ... (read in full...)
How can I best cope with my insomnia? Is it that my kindle addictive?
Q. Basic problem. Im staying up late, until about 1:00 am on my kindle. It's ruining my sleep schedule. Why can't I get off of this device and go to sleep? Help? Such a small issue, and I'm too tired to figure it out on my own. I know it's ...
A. 1 July 2014: Forge thanks for the follow up.
Without social media this will be easier to conquer. Social pressure is tremendous at your age.
Yes do try the relaxation technique. It is not challenging and rather nice.
You said that everyday is a weekend. Th... (read in full...)
Why would my father suggest he could accompany this girl and I to the movies? Her reply confused me too
Q. i have two questions to ask.so i like this girl right and one day i had no one to go to the movies with and my dad suggested that i ask her to go with me. what i don't get is that she freaked out. so my dad says that he could come if it wasn't too ...
A. 30 June 2014: John,
This was so much easier when I was your age. You could go on several dates before you decided whether or not to be boyfriend girlfriend. Now if you go an a date you are an instant couple. Dad did not intend for you to seal the deal with... (read in full...)
How can I best cope with my insomnia? Is it that my kindle addictive?
Q. Basic problem. Im staying up late, until about 1:00 am on my kindle. It's ruining my sleep schedule. Why can't I get off of this device and go to sleep? Help? Such a small issue, and I'm too tired to figure it out on my own. I know it's ...
A. 30 June 2014: oops clicked the wrong button.
As I was saying when a person suffers insomnia or tries to change sleep patterns a doctor often prescribes a sleeping pill. Now in general I don't like sleep pills. There is a gentle natural alternative. You migh... (read in full...)
How can I best cope with my insomnia? Is it that my kindle addictive?
Q. Basic problem. Im staying up late, until about 1:00 am on my kindle. It's ruining my sleep schedule. Why can't I get off of this device and go to sleep? Help? Such a small issue, and I'm too tired to figure it out on my own. I know it's ...
A. 30 June 2014: Hey Forge,
This is the second of your questions I have read. I feel that my experience may be useful to you this time. First I need to make an assumption or two. I may be wrong and you may freely correct me.
First the Kindle you are referrin... (read in full...)
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 29 June 2014: WTH?
Door isn't locked, chocolate is in the freezer, Come on over we can talk power structured relationships all night.
IMHO, and purely for my own defense and not to be of any help to the OP, this whole post has nothing to do with dominanc... (read in full...)
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 28 June 2014: Apparently I'm the only "other person" who sees a 2 year old boys hair style as trivial. This is only a dominance issue if you make it one. I'd put my line in the sand somewhere else.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 28 June 2014: if you really cared about your son's future you would be cultivating a strong relationship with your in-laws rather than getting upset at pretended slights.
Your husband is right you over reacted. The real question here is what is behind this feel... (read in full...)
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