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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a question....I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. We were living together and I just recently moved back home because it was to expensive and i lost my job. I have a big problem with him and that problem is that he doesnt ever call me! He always says that he will call me and he never does. I never talk to him or see him during the day. He is always with his friends. The only time he ever calls me is late at night. He will come stay at my house and then first thing in the morning he will leave and I wont talk to him all day. He doesnt have a cell so I cant call him. I was just wondering if this is normal or if something is up. He has been like this for a while now and I dont understand it. Also when we lived together he would leave and go with his friends and tell me that he would be back in a little while and he wouldnt call me or talk to me for a day or two. I dont think that he is cheating on me or anything like that I just dont understand why he would do this to me. I have tried to talk to him about it and he says that he will call and then he doesnt. But, if he calls me at night and I dont answer the phone he will get really mad or if he calls me and wants me to come and pick him up and I dont he gets really mad too. Any advice?!?!? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tracy1 +, writes (16 May 2006):
It used to be daily calls, then its weekly ... now hardly he calls. So bloody frustrating. I've decided to end it as I believe relationship ought to have some sort of communication.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Either the guy is phone-phobic or he is just being selfish. He rings you when he wants something, and just stays over at night at his convenience - sounds like he has a good deal! I am not saying he should be calling you all the time day and night but there has to be a healthy balance in a relationship and you certainly shouldn't be his stop-gap when he hasn't got anything 'better' planned. Of course it shouldn't be a case of ringing all the time either as that can be equally bad but you should be able to contact him during the day if you need to. Time to not be so nice about things I think so you get what you need from the relationship!
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A
female
reader, pinklady +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Hi.
I have heard this problem so many times hunni.
The more you try to make him realise this is a problem, the further he will drift from you.
What I would say, is put your words into actions. This wont be easy for you, but it will reap the desired results.
First, think about what suits you. I, personally would not like a man to be calling me late into the evening. So, regardless of whether he became upset or angry, I would definitely not answer the phone, after a certain time. He may well get angry, but he will learn very quickly that calling you late in the evening wont get him anywhere. Under no circumstances would I feel guilty or bad if he gets angry. This is his problem, and he has to show you consideration. Calling late does not do this.
I would also refrain from telling him how upset you are by him not calling you, for 2 reasons. The first is that when you tell him you are unhappy with the lack of phone contact, this puts him under pressure, and most men will deal with this pressure by distancing themselves from you. So you will hear from him even less. The second, is that if you stop chasing him, and telling him how unhappy you are, you will find he will start pursuing you, and you will get the phonecalls you want.
Basically, for one week, don't call him, be happy when you see or hear from him, and don't answer the door or the phone after a certain time in the evening.
Let him do the 'legwork' so to speak. You will find that he will. He may get angry at first, but take no notice of anything he says. He may threaten to finish with you. Tell him if that is what he wants, then thats ok.
I assure you, he will come running back.
Don't give in for a week, and watch him come running. Be strong. I am here to help you through this week, but it's up to you if you want to make a difference.
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