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female
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*essa
writes: Me and my partner have been together for 2 1/2 years.I have three children from a prev relationship,my partner doesnt have any.When we both got together i was sceptical that it would last as i am 11 years older than him,but he said that it was only a number, and it shouldnt affect the way we feel for each other.The first 3 months that we were together on valentines day he proposed, i said yes. Only for the next morning for him to say he didnt actually mean it, that it felt right at the time, which kind of knocked me for six.Well, im still with him even after this.We start to talk about having children, i have been sterilised, we talk about ivf, not yet though. Maybe in a couple of years, this is how i feel.He has now said that it is a waste of money, and it doesnt work. Another kick in the teeth for me.But after all this i love him, and he says he loves me, we have had our ups and downs, every relationship does, it wouldnt be normal if it was perfect all the time.Well 2 nights ago i plucked up the courage and proposed to him, he smiled and gave me a hug, and i said what does that mean, he just said i love you too.The next morning i said to him i meant what i said, and he said, that he has no intention of getting married, whether it be to me or someone else.I just dont know what to do, i love him, but my head is all over the place, and i feel i need to get some space between him and me, trouble is we live together, i cant exactly ask him to move out while i sort my head out. I cant stop crying, Am i being too over the top, but i cant help these feelings inside of me.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (15 May 2006):
 I think he sounds immature and like he doesn't know what he wants. He is playing mind games as well with this changing his mind and mucking about - that is immature and no deserves to put up with that.
It sounds like you need a more secure and emotionally stable relationship and you deserve that. Perhaps it is time to say goodbye?
I can understand why you are upset and I don't think you are over reacting. I think you know what you want and you deserve to get that - maybe you need to find someone who can give that to you.
Good luck
A
female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (15 May 2006):
This guy is too wishy-washy. You deserve better treatment than that. Do you really want to have more children, or did you just want to have them with him as a way of binding the two of you together? Either way, this person doesn't sound like good father/husband material. He seems to be playing with your feelings and doing whatever he wants to do. Do something about your living arrangements by whatever means necessary. The sooner you get away from him, the better.
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A
female
reader, tessa +, writes (14 May 2006):
tessa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you , you have said what i already feel in my heart, that i am worth so much more than this
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 May 2006):
 The age gap doesnt have to be a problem (there are 11 years between me and my husband). However, it sounds like he is happy to keep things the way they are, and he also sounds a bit selfish and not too mindful of others feelings from his fake marriage proposal, and what he said about your baby prospects etc. I know that you say you love him but sometimes this is not enough when you have different goals and objectives in your life. With the age gap, in his case maybe he is just not mature enough to deal with the responsibility of marriage and babies etc. By the time he grows up, you might not be able to have children etc as IVF is more effective with younger women. Basically I can understand why you would be very hurt but I also think you cannot change someone, or make them into something they are not. In some ways you are not helping the situation by always staying with him after he says these outrageous things because it is doing little to address the problem in the long run, and almost makes it sound acceptable to propose to someone and then say oops I didnt mean it, or I cannot be bothered having a baby with you. It is not acceptable behaviour but you have an opportunity to make him see that you are too good to accept such treatment.
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