A
female
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anonymous
writes:im 17 and nearly 3months pregnant i decided to keep my baby and my parents and friends are being really supportive im looking forwar to being a mum except for the fact that the father of my baby doesn't seem to care we've known eachother for 4 years and he was my first boyfriend and i love him more than anything we've split up more than a few times over the years and when i got pregnant we wern't exactly going out with eachother jus sleeping together. now he has another girlfriend who he started seeing before i became pregnant its nothing serious but i feel so hurt because im not sure if he's ever going to want anything to do with our baby.he's been so supportive with everything else we've been through together but this time i dont know if he really doesnt care or if he's just scared to tell his mum and dad about it.i dont know if i should say something to him or just leave things as they are and see how things turn out he hasn't known for long so im not sure if i should just give him more time to get his head around everything because i dont want to nag him too much.
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female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (15 May 2006):
It depends on what you mean by "say something to him or leave things as they are." In terms of a relationship, a baby does not equal a romantic contract. He can have as many girlfriends as he wants, and your pregnancy has no bearing on that. Since you've decided to keep the baby, you have to be prepared to do this with no commitment from him. You are legally entitled to child support, but frankly, if he doesn't want to pay it, you won't end up with much (if anything). He could use any number of tactics to stall paying and may not even have the money to pay by the time everything catches up to him.Be glad you have support from your family and friends. If your ex doesn't voluntarily pay child support, then report him and take him to court. But plan as if you're going to be doing this without him. That way, if he does come through, it's a bonus.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 May 2006):
 You cannot make him want the baby - maybe he will want to be involved, maybe he is too immature. He should be made to contribute to the financial upkeep of the child however, and you should seek legal advice about this. It sounds like you have lots of support from family etc so good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2006): Take your emotions and your heart out of this and start using your head, dear. You need to get tough with this young man. He conceived a child with you. So never, ever feel you might be 'nagging and too demanding'. I would not worry one bit.. what he thinks. You don't need to be confrontational..just be mature and strong for the sake of this baby to ensure it's future will be one where this child will never have to go without. This young man is the father of your child and he now has big, lifetime responsibilities to your unborn baby. He needs to have that clearly spelled out to him. This child's needs comes first, so you both need to sit down and discuss what this baby's needs will be and what will the expectations required of him. You must realize that having this baby may not mean he wants a romantic relationship with you. If he is dating another girl, do not expect anything of him. Having him help you raise the child only, may be as good as it will get because right now, you have nothing with this young man, no commitment, no relationship---nothing. Accept that as this is no longer about just you and him. You both will be parents. You are undertaking a monumental task...you have 2 decades of raising and giving love to another human being. It will require maturity, wisdom, patience, common sense and the ability to give unconditional love...day and night...24/7. It's not easy and you will need his financial support and his active participation in raising this child. I think your primary focus should be the child...just make sure he lives up to his responsibilities. And yes, you and he need to tell his parents. They may be hurtful to his folks, knowing the raised such a thoughtless son, but let's hope for the sake of your child, they open their arms and accept the task of being loving, devoted grandparents. All babies deserve to know and be loved by the extended families of both their parents. Talk to your Mom and Dad...you may need some legal advice so you can negotiate with the Father of your baby to ensure that you and this baby get financial aid from him. But as the biological father, he has rights too, and you will have to agree to some form of a visitation schedule. Good luck dear and I sure hope he's up for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2006): I believe that you should under ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, ALWAYS NEVER EVER try to rely on others, especially your ex boyfriend. I have had the chance to create friendships with a few females that had children when they were young. I applaud them for their bravery, though I did scold them greatly for not listening to my advice about the boys they had relationships with.
Anyway, I believe that you as the single mom of a baby coming soon to this world near you [smiles], you should take personal steps to be prepared for the life and future of your baby. You can't rely on your parents and the support of your friends forever. I know you're only 17. So diligently get through school, find some part-time, arrange some baby-sitting time with your parents if that is possible. Make sure to apply for some government assistance if you can.
You ex is secondary. If he comes around for the baby, awesome. If he doesn't, then more power to you. Seriously. I know it is emotionally and physically daunting. I have over the course of the past many years, have had the chance to experience quite a bit of tears from those same females. It breaks my heart that the world will continue to churn out such broken relationships.
So Ms. Anon, condition yourself to be strong. Don't mind too much about what outsiders may say about you. You have the support of your family. That is indeed very good news. Stand on your own two feet, and do what you as an individual and mom need to do. Your ex is secondary. Your baby is primary.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2006): im very glad that you decided to keep the baby. and its not nagging by telling him how things are. he's the father of this baby and he needs to get it and not be so irresponsible or be a chicken about it. dont allow him to run away from this situation! if you do, he's going to run away always because you're making it easy for him! did you need time to absorb all this, NO! why does he need time! explain to him that you're not having fun in this as well and that you could both raise this child a whole lot easier if you had the help of eachother. tell him that he's not alone in this, that you're the one thats takin most of the responsibility. And dont let him make you feel guilty for keeping the baby!!! abortion is morally wrong and is a cruel thing to do!!! tell him that it would be a whole lot harder on him, for him to know that he doesnt want anything to do with his baby and not be a man about it than to fess up and be a man and take responsibility for his actions. tell him that he needs to forget about what his mom and dad are going to think, and that the deed is done, there is no turning back, and that he needs to let his parents know. remind him of what his baby will think of him in a few years from now when the child is grown, knowing that his own flesh and blood, his father, turned his back on him! no! its not making him feel guilty, or pressuring him to do something he doesnt want to do, its making him realize that this is real and that this child is a human, and is going to need him, a father figure, in order to grow up and be a loving person. make him realize all the hurt he's going to cause on his own flesh in blood and that he could damage his own childs life if doesnt help raise him! tell him that its not fun and games, that you understand how he feels, and that this isnt going to disappear, and you both need to take care of this together. dont feel alone if he isnt there, you've got your friends and family there to support you. if he doesnt help, dont worry, his day will come!!! its all going to come back on him! what goes around comes around!!! if you talk to him about this, you wont at least feel that you failed, you would of known at the end that you tried to make this work for your baby. i dont think he has feelings for that other girl, right now, he's trying to forget this problem by running around with her. he's trying his best to keep this off his mind. i hope things work out for you, and God Bless You and your little baby!!!
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