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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: One of my oldest friends asked me to hang out this afternoon. I haven't seen her in a while, so I was excited to see her. However, I know my boyfriend doesn't like me hanging out with her. We're both very insecure people, let me elaborate.The other day he told me he feels he's not seeing his friends anough, and he wants to stop seeing me every weekend so that he can go out partying with them. I didn't like this. I don't particuularly like his friends 'cause they're all single, and frankly a couple of them are pervs. Plus, it's obvious that if his friends are single, they're going to want to be around girls. I told him all this and told me to quit being so insecure and that I just had to trust him, etc., etc. Basically, he'll just do it regardless of how I feel. I don't really like him going out on his own because a lot of times when he's got angry with me on weekends he turns his phone off and goes out, while I stay home alone anxious.Now, he hates my past, and doesn't like my friend because she was a pat of that past. I mean we've known each other since we were six. But when we hit adolescence, well we stopped playing with dolls anymore. We started partying. I never had sex with anyone, but I did make out with random guys at parties. When that happened, I had gone out with her. And one time, I even ended up making out with a friend of hers. She also knows a former friend with benefits of mine.She on the other hand, had sex with a lot of guys, and had a myspace page in which she posted lots of dirty jokes and such. Basically my boyfriend thinks she's a slut. And me hanging out with her reminds him of my past and everything he hates about it. He doesn't trust me around her, he says, for everything that happened and how I behaved when we used to go out. Well, I think he's missing something there: 1) Back then I was SINGLE and 2) I was 17 and immature. I'm 21 now, and have changed.She's changed a lot too, has a boyfriend and well I think she's more mature, she no longer hangs out with the guy I made out with at the party, etc. But my boyfriend just says "Yeah right" because he doesn't believe me. I told him we're just going to hang out for a couple of hours, maybe have a cup of coffee and that's it. No party. No alcohol. But especially NO GUYS!He's upset to say the least. He doesn't want me to go, but will accept if I go. However, now I'm afraid, because he's a bit vengeful, and I asked him if I go out with her today, to please not do anything out of spite this weekend when he goes out with the boys. He said "Well, we'll have to see, it depends on what you do with her today... if you do nothing wrong, then I won't either". I tried convincing him that I won't I mean it's the afternoon, I won't go out chasing guys, it's stupid! He said "well, I don't know", and later told him that even if I do nothing bad how will I get him to believe me if he doubts so much of me? HE said "Well, I don't know!". What can I do? I love him but now I'm so afraid that he'll do something out of spite. I don't like him going out partying without me in the first place, but he says if I don't let him go, that's controlling. I'm not gonna stop seeing my friend though just because he thinks she's a slut. I don't know what to do... I wish I just wouldn't have told him and to just have gone see her behind his back. I know that sounds awful but I'd avoided this drama over nothing!
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friend with benefits, has a boyfriend, immature, insecure, myspace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): Why are you with this dude? You said so yourself he doubts you and your word and he does what he wants regardless of how you will feel about it. He told you to not be so insecure yet he won't swallow his own medicine.
To me, it doesn't look like it'll get any better or that he'll improve. To me, he made perfectly clear about what he thinks of you and your friends - sluts and still potential to be active if not kept on a tight leash.
Dump this guy. He's not worth even trying.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I agree with the Comment below mine, You cant all just blame the boyfriend.
"The other day he told me he feels he's not seeing his friends anough, and he wants to stop seeing me every weekend so that he can go out partying with them. I didn't like this. I don't particuularly like his friends 'cause they're all single, and frankly a couple of them are pervs. Plus, it's obvious that if his friends are single, they're going to want to be around girls."
You dont trust him, he doesnt trust you.
Have a talk about trusting each other more, its hard to achieve but once you are both comfortable with both of your separate lifes, itll all be cool!
Sometimes, maybe invite him to come out with you and your friends, and maybe he will invite you out with his friends every now and then too, that also makes your trust grow
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 His attitude makes me want to spit nails!
He IS very controlling. Manipulative. Petty. Spiteful. Nasty. Vengeful.
It is absolutely none of his business if you see your friend or not, if you go out somewhere or not. But HE wants to feel free to party with his friends, see less of you so that he can be with them. Threatens and tries to intimdate you as well.
Quite frankly, you'd be better off without him. THEN he can have all the time in the world to carouse with his friends, etc.!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Why is everyone saying he is controlling, he treats you just the way you treat him. Try to trust him for a change and maybe he'll start to trust you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 February 2010):
Too controlling, too immature, too insecure. That's your boyfriend. He won't change either. The best thing you can do is get him out of your life. Don't allow yourself to be treated poorly this way.
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A
female
reader, tornshellz +, writes (4 February 2010):
your bf sounds like my husband, spiteful and immature. unfortunately ive succumbed to his maddness. now i have no friends that i see and my life consists of him and our family. i am severly unhappy. i advise you to keep your friends and dont let him come between you. if he does something worse out of spite drop him. uo will end up resenting everything youve done for him and in the end youll be alone. if u can keep your personal life and he learns to accept it then maybe hes worth hanging onto. if he cant deal with it then its his loss and at least youll still have your friends. honestly i wish i had keptmy frinds and dropped my husband when he was still my bf.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (4 February 2010):
 I hate to tell you this, and you may not like it, but your boyfriend sounds immature, insecure and controlling. 3 very unappealing qualities...and none of them get better with time. Think very carefully if you want to stay with a man like this! Why can't he just give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you? Without trust, the relationship can't survive. I think its horrible that he assumes the worst of you..and then tries to make you feel badly by saying its ok for him to go out, and he'll "see" what he does depending on what you do. This guy is not a keeper, luv. And if you think there is drama now..its ONLY beginning...get out now. It will only get worse with time!
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