A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would appreciate only responses from people who are not going to offer their own moral judgements on the following situation... Recently, I experimented with one of the 'casual dating websites' - no really seriously at first, but then I started chatting with someone who seemed nice, normal, good looking and generally pleasant. Internet checks on him (a girl's got to google!) showed that he was indeed who he said he was. So, we arranged to meet and said we would see how it went - and only have sex if we were both comfortable. He came to me, we went out and actually got on like a house on fire. We had a really fun, and safe evening, and before going to sleep he said he would really like to see me again. He made sure I got home safe the next day and text me to tell me thanks for a lovely evening - but didn't make any mention then of seeing me again. By the way, I had never done this before, and he said that he hadn't either - I know I can't necessarily believe this but I get the feeling he was telling the truth. So, I emailed shortly after to say thanks again and yes, would like to do it again sometime if he would like to. Got an email back to say, yes, thanks and he would too sometime - nothing overly enthusiastic. Now, I don't want anything serious from this guy at all, but I did really love his company and as he mentioned seeing me again, started to think, yes actually that would be lovely. But I can sense a definite backing off. Did he wake up in the morning and realise that I wasn't as attractive as he'd thought!? Should I not be keeping in contact with him? I just can't work out this casual sex etiquette. As I said, I've never done this before and am wondering why on earth he's backing off so soon when I don't see what I've done to make him do so. What do you think!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): "By the way, boo22 - you're answer was extremely unhelpful and if you're going to take some kind of moral high ground and ridicule people you shouldn't be on this website. I do not think I am 'modern and cool' thank you very much. I think I am just doing something pretty normal and human." Both my wife and I thought that boo22's answer was a good one. I don't think that it was insulting at all. She was not being a "dick". You are the one who is insulting and being a dick. If you can't handle a non-insulting answer like that then perhaps you should stay off this site. You asked for advice and she gave a good answer. You seem to only want answers that say exactly what you want to hear. Tough, it doesn't work that way.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 February 2010):
 wham bam thank you ma'am
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Hi - I am the original sender. Thanks for your answers - you are probably right it is more simple than I'm thinking it is. I'm sure that he's not married or in a relationship because as I said I did a good amount of searching about him on the internet. He was probably the only person who did seem to be what he said he was. And we did end up finding out quite a bit about each other's lives actually. Funnily enough, it was I who used a pseudonym, not him, when I started talking to him, but now of course he knows my real name (maybe that takes some of the fun away?). I thought I'd try this out because I'd just come out of a relationship and - didn't want anything serious - I guess I got exactly what I bargained for! He said to me (and I don't really understand why he would say this unless it was true) that he'd never actually had a one night stand before - they had always become regulars, and that he had never met anyone from the site before. But then he was back on the site looking around the next day. By the way, boo22 - you're answer was extremely unhelpful and if you're going to take some kind of moral high ground and ridicule people you shouldn't be on this website. I do not think I am 'modern and cool' thank you very much. I think I am just doing something pretty normal and human.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (3 February 2010):
 It may seem complicated but I think it's really simple. The agreement was for a casual encounter. You should probably just await any further communication from him, and either accept or deny as you wish. Try to make certain he is not married or otherwise attached if you receive another "booty call," and it still could possibly grow into a relationship, if you wish.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 February 2010):
Casual means that you only contact each other when you are making a date for your next sexual encounter. There are no calls to see how you are or any hi emails. Just stony silence until one of you makes a booty call. Most people doing casuals are either in relationships and just need an escape or they are people who dont want a relationship for some reason eg. recent break up. You often never get to know much about their personal lives and they could possibly be even using an alias. Just forget him till he calls. Dont initiate any more contact or you will look as though you want more than was agreed.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Well, as you said, you were experimenting with a "casual dating site" and I get the impression it was one for people who are specifically interested in no-strings sex. Is my impression the right one?
At any rate, you met him, went out had fun and clicked, ending your date with sex - which you both enjoyed. Since he didn't mention meeting again,(other than saying it while you were still together) it could very well be that while he had a good time, once was enough for him. You said that when you sent an email saying you'd love to do it again, his response was not overly enthusiastic - he didn't, for instance, mention a specific day or time i.e., "Can't see you this week, how about next Friday?" sort of thing.
On the other hand, maybe he WOULD in fact like to meet again. He could be busy, about to go out of town: anything's possible.
Why don't you wait another week or two and then call or email and invite him out? You might mention one or two days when you would be available (but no more, don't make yourself TOO available or overly eager). See how he responds.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): It probably isn't you at all. In my opinion, having sex like this is like picking up guys at bars for casual sex. He might just be out for a 1 night stand or he might be looking for a relationship. You don't know until it's too late. Even dating somebody who you know could be like that.
Even if it is something about you, don't worry about it. Something that he might not have liked could be something that another guy likes. Even something as simple as the size of your breasts. Some men only want a woman with big boobs, while another might prefer woman with small boobs. It probably doesn't matter to most men, but it does to some. Some might say that a guy like that is shallow, but some women only like guys with big penises or a certain size.
If he contacts you again then go for it. If he doesn't respond at all then forget him and move on. Now neither my wife nor I have played the online dating game, but I don't think it is much different than meeting people at bars or even at some organization that you belong to.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Hi, If you sleep with a guy on the first date he probably thinks you're not someone he'd want to see again.
Why should he? There's a different one on the internet tomorrow to have sex with.
Bottom line, he thinks you're easy, no matter how modern and cool you think you are.
You're reading to much into your good time with him.
Doesn't sound like you're cut out for doing this sort of thing. If you were, you wouldn't be posting this question or e mailing him at all
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