A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for 2 years before i moved away to university. He's the most perfect guy imaginable. Good looking, fun to be with, kind, caring everything. He's three years older than me and had his own business where as I'm still young and well a student. When i moved he would come every weekend to see me. He's always told how in love with me he was and that he couldn't imagine ever not being with me. However after a few weeks at uni I decided to end it. I dont really know why, i thought i just wanted to be young and have fun. He was really distraught, and took it quite badly, but never pestered me to get back with him because i told him from day one that was it and i wasnt going to change my mind. We stayed friends though and he would text me every so often to see how i was, which was nice.Anyway a few weeks later i met a guy at uni (josh). He's really nice and we went on a few dates, and on the first date it just completely hit me that he wasn't the one i wanted and that deep down i really really missed my ex. I started looking at josh and comparing him to my ex (tom) and it dawned on me how perfect tom actually was, and that i took what we had for granted. So out of the blue i made a rad decision to text tom him and tell him how i was feeling. He text me back saying he still loved me and misses me a lot but he had never felt pain like it when we broke up and could never allow his self to go through that again and so we just have to stay friends.I just wish i could get him to change his mind, its driving me insane, he's all i think about and i want to be with him so much. I can't believe i just threw everything we had away for a few weeks of meaningless fun. I really need advice on what to do, because i wont pester him, we havent spoke since that day, i just feel like my heart is breaking which is so weird because i was the one that ended it.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Well, you learned a lesson and decided Tom was the one you really want to be in a relationship with, and you told him so, and how sorry you are.
I think your only choice right now is to leave him alone, except maybe send a text or call him in a few weeks (give it another month) to say hello, and see how he responds.
POSSIBLY he will have thought it through and decided that if you really mean what you say, he might be willing to give your friendship another try. But you were emphatic that you were ending it, and would not change your mind. Now you're equally emphatic about wanting him back. How can he be sure that if he does resume with you, you won't change your mind again later on? It's not going to be easy for him to learn to trust you once more, not after such a shock.
If it comes to that, how can YOU be sure you want him back and this isn't a question of wanting something you can't have? I guess you may not have expected him to take the breakup so badly.
Anyway, as you said, you don't want to pester him, so that's why I say to give it some time before getting in touch again and when/if you do talk again, see how it goes.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I'm so sorry sweet but I think this one's a goner. Chalk this one up to the lessons of love and move on. You've told him how you feel and it didn't sway him so your best bet is to buckle down and make the most of your time at uni. We all make silly mistakes in our lives but if you can learn from them then it's a valuable lesson.
Good luck to you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): first dont regret anything in your life theres no room for that but it is hard to find true love in this world and since you might have found and lost it is very sad. all i can think of is to let your heart out to him in person and then give him time to think. if he doesnt come around then it just wasnt meant to be.
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A
male
reader, Wontonbomb +, writes (13 February 2010):
 My ex did exactly the same thing to me as what you did to your ex. I'm sorry but you were young and stupid. He is not going to take you back. That is the cold hard truth. I would never get back with my ex, even though she has begged me and told me she made a massive mistake. He is right in saying the pain he felt far outweighs the happiness he would feel by being back together with you.
The only thing you can really do is let him move on and cut all contact with him. If you two are really good together then you will meet again, and you will have to start a fresh relationship. The one you two had is now damaged beyond repair. Unfortunately its not up to you how this turns out. You have to let him deal with the emotion he is feeling and hope he gets back in touch with you.
I understand that you realise you made a mistake, but unless you have had your heart broken you will not understand just how you made him feel, and that is something he has to deal with before he can trust you again.
If you really want to make an effort to prove you are worthy of his love, just be friends with him. Dont upset him, dont drudge up the past and for god sake dont get involved with someone else (unless you are willing for both of you to move on). Be there for him, and in time the wounds will heal.
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