A
female
age
30-35,
*uperwoman021
writes:this is kinda a stupid question but its eating me inside,recently my boyfriend was taken into a room with his parents then came out, and talked to me saying he needs 3 days a week minimum to himself, and that i ruined a party because i started to cry for a good reason, and that im ignorant to his parents. From day one i have felt that his mum hasn't liked me and his family have told me that his mum is controlling and his dad i have liked always and talk to him and his sister but apparently i dont make an effort and that they think that im the reason that he's changed. what i dont get is we had a perfectly nice day beforehand, we we're giggling the joking away, now this, is it him or his parents please help, thanks xx Reply to this Question
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reader, superwoman021 +, writes (11 February 2010):
superwoman021 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni was crying at the party, cause he had ignored me all night and kept going away with this girl, and his friends where all telling me that she likes to sleep about and get her mitts on anything she can, and she had been constantly flirting with him and he was back, then they disappeared to the stables together and all his mates lost it and me being drunk and hearing all this i just broke down, i try my best to talk to his parents but this kinda thing happened before, they talked to him and the next thing he cant see me every second weekend, i dont normall spend alot of time with him anymore, it was just recently in the past week cause i was having troubles at home and lost my job.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Wow if I could turn the clock back... that is exactly what my (now) mother in law said to me. "We think you are the cause of ....blah blah" straight to my face though. She disliked me from the outset and how I apparently changed her little boy and she has not stopped her campaign against me in 20 years. My advice to you is to take a step back. Do not tackle your boyfriend about his mother - that is an argument you will never win and obviously he is still at the age when he just does what his parents tell him without sticking up for you or your relationship - what a let down. He has a lot of growing up to do and you are in the middle of that storm. I would start circulating with other friends and give him much more than the space he asked for. Don't dance to his tune (or his parents). You will lose your self esteem - how dare they decide you are the cause of the trouble. I wish I had walked away from my boyfriend (now husband) because we are unhappy as a result of his family who have driven a wedge. Purely on the basis of my own experience I would advise you to find someone who is more mature - or just be you for a while.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Whether or not your boyfriend's mother is trying to turn him against you: one thing about boys and their mothers is you have to realize that mothers are very protective of their sons. (Like mother tigresses). They want what is best for their boy and if she feels you are the reason he has changed in ways they don't like - and evidently not only his mother appears to think this, but other members of the family agree with her.
You say you get on well with his father. Well, fathers sometimes (but not always) tend to defer to their wives, and will go along just to keep the peace. Which may be why you feel more comfortable with his dad.
Be that as it may, your boyfriend sees things in you that he doesn't like: he told you he needs more time to himself. (I don't know just how much time you were spending with him, but 24/7 is never a good idea. Both you and he need breathing space and time to pursue your own lives by yourselves).
He also said you're "ignorant" to his parents. I don't know what he means by "ignorant" - do you? unless he feels you tend to ignore them, and focus all your attention on him when the family is around. You could try taking a genuine interest in how their day went - if you can without faking it. But feeling his mother doesn't like you is one handicap right there.
You say you cried at a party for a good reason. Why? What upset you? Whatever it was, it evidently put a real damper on it for him - he said "you ruined the party." That's pretty strong language.
Finally, you ask whether all this is due to him or is it his parents. Maybe you need to look at your own attitudes and behavior. It's probably something that's been building for a while; these things don't usually spring up overnight, you know. Try talking to him and see what he says.
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A
female
reader, Shiro'-'Nosuke +, writes (11 February 2010):
 im in the same situation, except my parents hate him and his mum hates me, but we r still close. its probably his parents most likely 90% his parents. dont freak! talk to him and sort this out
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