A
male
age
30-35,
*5225649
writes:Like the title suggests boil the kettle before you read this as it is going to be a very long story asking for advice.About 3 years ago, I joined the army straight out of school and had met a girl had an ok relationship but to be fair i was quite a door mat, she mad a mug out of me but i was in the army being told what to do anyways so i figured it was the norm.. clearly not.. anyways.. this girl fell pregnant to me and we had a baby and i left the army due to my granmother becoming quite sick.. Time went on and one day i was going to a freinds house and i spotted my best freind stephen.. he was with a young beautiful girl with a smile that would break glass she was fantastic.. as time passed i found myself more attracted to her and would do what ever i could to belittle my freind and to make her see the *COOL* guy that i thought i was, "Leonie" is her name she has came from not the best of upbrinings and is a bit tough if she has to be, my freind at the time went away on holiday and leonie had been kicked out of her home by her brother and came to stay at a freinds house ( currently i was living there too) so the same day we all 5 of us went to the ice rink and had a laugh and then came home for a drink and a giggle, me and leonie stayed up and talked all night and we just seemed to get on like a house on fire 2 days passed of talking and we ended up bedding eachother ... my freind came back from holiday found out and tried to stab me with a knife, as time went passed me and leonie still lived at my freinds house and we had a pritty good relationship untill i seemed to realise that i could push her around and be the " BOSS " and if somthing didnt go my way i would get angry with her and tell her i was going to leave her and as soon as i said that to her she would do as my command this went of for about 6 months untill i moved into my grans house ( after she recovered from her illness) I was still a little bit harsh with her and still thought i was the boss and i did as i pleased... i got very VERY protective over her i would choose her clothes her shoes she couldnt ever go out with her freinds she couldnt do NOTHING.. it was as if i owned her then it got to the point were i went behind her back ... i couldnt cope with her knowing the truth so i didnt tell her.. then on valentines day my freind told her the truth... that was it game over.. she left me for some hot shot upcoming footballer... that i later found out she had been texting for 3 months any way.. so we broke up on the 10th of march 2009She had me arrested for harrasment because i tried to get back with her.. and i was placed on a bail order to keep away from her and her surrounding area.. so i kept to my bail conditions and on with my life i wentThere wasnt a day went passed were i didnt think about her.. every waking moment Leonie this and leonie that.. and then when i was going to sleep leonie this and leonie that.. we got back with each other a few times but just for a few days we would argue and fight and break up for 6 weeks time went passed and i had a few girlfreinds but i compared everyone to her and they failed and failed.. ive had fat ones skinny ones cuddly ones ugly ones beautifull ones regardless to who they were i compared them to leonie and the boot never fit, the girl who i went with behind leonies back one day contacted me on facebook and we talked for a while and got togeather and we started a relationship she was quite a nice girl wouldnt hurt a fly and was totaly devoted to me she was fantastic laughed all the time but was very shy.. were as leonie wasnt.. there was the first comparasin,, the time in the bed room was good.. but nobody matched up to leonie... she was the best.. Leonie soon found out about mine and the other girls realtionship and wasnt happy at all she would find any reason to cause trouble for us.. any reason at all... Leonie would ask me to get back with her.. and i did just so i would not be with the person who she belives ruined our relationship then after a few days we would break up and i would get back with lauren..then after a total of 10 months me and leonie are back with eachdother... we have been together 1 month solid but things seem even worse... She has just partied her life away drinking all the time getting into fights going to clubs and gettin sooo drunks he needs to go to hospital and sleeping with other men....i know all the names of people becuase i have asked. Some have been one night stands, some have been relationships and my mates tell me im stiring other mens poridge...I hate it, i god damn hate that she has been doing all of theese things.. i know im totaly to blame ive made her like that because of the emotional abuse and blackmail and the back stabbing i did to her .. but i cant face the face she has slept with out people ..this one guy called lee, he drives a big jeep and has a nice fancy car she was really happy with him but she tells me she would rather have me.. i drive a crappy red corsa b thing from 1995... i think she is not with him because he will not be with her because he has a baby else were,if im honest im not a very big built kid, im quite a skinny bugger to be fair and the lads she has been with are big muscly fellas with flash cars and lots of money, but leonie tells me that i am what she wants..i play silly head games with her IE, i think we should have a few days apart.... just HOPING she says noo please i want to see you and it kills me if she agrees i want her to be with me all the time.. 24/7 but when we are togeather i try and control her and if i cant i get angry and lose my temper with her and tell her i want to leave her and she crys and gets upset and even still im nasty to her i hate it soo much, she is telling me she wants to move in togeather and have a baby with me and i love the idea its everything i want.. a beautifull girl and a baby and a home a nice car etc etc.. I get really jealous, i have to look through her phone, I dont trust her when she is not with me i think she is with her ex lee. I tell her who she can and cant have on facebook, I made her smash her laptop because i believed she had pictures of her ex parteners on there. when we were together she would really disagree to having sexy photos of her on my phone.. now she will let me have any im worried other people may have them too... i cant make her cum in bed, she has to make herself do it, i used to be able to do that in the bedroom before we broke up 10 months ago.. whats happened? I really need help!i think i love her too much that's why im like that i dont know please help????
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broke up, drunk, emotionally abusive, facebook, her ex, jealous, money, moved in, on holiday, one night stand, shy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Hi, thinking of you both today on valentines day... hope you made it a romantic and special time, or just stayed away and got on with your life.
Doctor's tomorrow, good luck, hope all goes well. It's best to talk to them first and they are the experts with emotions and anger issues.
A
male
reader, 25225649 +, writes (13 February 2010):
25225649 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Leonie, Like ive said 1000 times im sorry but at the end of the day "Sorry" is just a word, Its easy to say but to prove it is a diffrent natter, I have a docotors appointment on monday and im going to sort out my low "self-image" and fix the magic we used to have and make everything perfect between our selfs,
Miamine, You have been fantastic with the advice you have given me and im really gratefull and to show my gratitude i would love for you to pm me your address so me and leonie can send you a bunch of flowers and some chocolates to show our appriciation, you are fantastic :D may god bless you :D x
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female
reader, leonieclough1103 +, writes (12 February 2010):
Fishdish I don't think ur understanding. I don't feed from the emotional turmoil, I hate the fact that we argue and fight! I don't like it! And yeah I am more than willing to do what ever I can to help shaun and to help myself if needed. As I have said, I love shaun with all my heart. We are trying for a child and planning our future together so I want this to work so much. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Don't take this wrong, but I've been on this website for a year and a half and this thread by far is the most entertaining and intriguing.
I wish you two the best!!!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 February 2010):
Fishdish, mmmmm... why you scared to have people disagree with you... why you think I or anyone else want to curse you out.. you don't know me, and I don't know you, so please don't worry about what I think of you.. You have your opinion and I have mine. I aint mentioned your name at all, so I have no idea why your mentioning mine.
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 okay i'm sorry about the misunderstanding about cheating, that partying section was written in a weird spot in your chronology of events.
i don't really know WHO needs to learn the lesson of how harsh love is? I'm not saying every second is sunshine and butterflies and I suppose you're not saying it's ALWAYS harsh but...it's just not the first adjective that comes to mind. Also, the whole blaming yourself for HIS outbursts, and your neediness/feeding off of this emotional turmoil that he creates, I mean this is going to take a lot of work to get rid of the dysfunction here.
I don't know, I think I'll just let the counselor deal with you two cause miamine or somebody's gonna cuss me out or give me bad ratings cause I'm not totally on board.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 February 2010):
Hi Leonie, it's glad that your on board... yep, I thought that you loved this guy lots and that's why you stay. As I said, I can see lots of good stuff in him.
Yep, I also know that you started partying and dating only when you were away from him. It was your way of coping with sadness. I've got lots of ideas, now I've heard from you and I know your willing to work with him, well, I think things can be fixed. You are both young.
Got to go, my cousin needs the computer, but I'll be in touch with both of you. You both have different things to do. Leonie, yep, your behaviour made things to easy for him, so we'll be needing you to change as well..
love to both of you, stay strong... blessings... :)
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A
male
reader, 25225649 +, writes (12 February 2010):
25225649 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has just partied her life away drinking all the time getting into fights going to clubs and gettin sooo drunks he needs to go to hospital and sleeping with other men....
This was when me and leonie broke up for 10 months..
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 February 2010):
"She has just partied her life away drinking all the time getting into fights going to clubs and gettin sooo drunks he needs to go to hospital and sleeping with other men...."
isn't sleeping with other men cheating? or was this when you two weren't together?
kudos choosing a constructive route(counseling)
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Shaun,It takes a good deal of courage to tell us all about yourself: the issues you're attempting to deal with and which put you in an unfavorable light!It's good that you have told Leonie about this discussion and invited her to post.Now: congratulations on getting in touch with your doctor and pursuing counselling! It will not be easy - but it will be less difficult provided you are willing to work to bring about the changes you need to make.Perhaps at some point your counsellor will invite Leonie for a joint session, or maybe more than one. So: Go with God, and we wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, leonieclough1103 +, writes (11 February 2010):
Hi there. I'm leonie. I just want to clarify some things. I am NOT an alcoholic, infact I don't really drink. All it was is during the time me and shaun broke up I went clubbing with my friends and got too drunk. Also, I love Shaun with all my heart and I will never leave his side. Yeah he might be nasty to me, but there's diffrent sides to him! He's also funny and caring and loving and would go to the end of the earth to protect me. Oh and too the woman that said I was cheating on shaun, no I don't. I have never ever cheated on him and I never will. He's my world! I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He has done so much for me. He is as bad as he says, but maybe it has something to do with the way I react to things. I get hysterical and beg him not to leave me, even though I know it only winds him up more. So I am to blame for it, he's not like this with anyone else so it must be me :/ and I'm not saying that like a victim, because I don't feel like a victim. Yeah he's hurt me and makes me cry and hurts me a lot but at the end of the day if it was that bad then I wouldn't stick around. He hasn't ruined my life, he's made it better because without him I wouldn't understand how harsh love is. Shaun is the most important thing in my life and I love him with all my heart, through choice not because I'm forced too! :)
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male
reader, 25225649 +, writes (11 February 2010):
25225649 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all i would like to thank you Miamine,Im no longer with lauren i was with lauren and i was happy and was treating her like gold, honestly i was i never belittled her or give her any agrivation i made her feel special, I wasnt contacting leonie and i had her blocked on facebook and no numbers were exchanged and we were going through life as is, One day i was at work and i recived a message on my mobile from facebook with a message from leonie "on a new facebook proifle" im not 100% sure of the message but it was somthing along the lines of lets talk.. so we got talking etc etc and she asked me to get back with her ( so for the remark that stated she should of let me months ago and i should stop harrasing her and things.. your wrong my freind, i was letting her get on with her life, she contacted me and she was the one who wanted to get back with me.. i harresed her once the day after our break up 10 months ago... and she had me arressted.. i paid the conciquences for that...and as for being honest and missing things outTrust me it stings my pride in just thinking about being honest with people. everything in here is true to the word and i havent missed anything out..What was your relationship like with your parents, how was your childhood, what was it like growing up? How did you feel about yourself at school? What was your parents marriage like?My childhood as far as i can remeber its a grey area, ill be breif.. mother was on social security father wasnt there was brought up in a struggle, puberty hit i becamse aggressive angry and fighting with people, drug abuse came ( only weed ) Honestly... i smoked some weed for a while and became paronoid all of the time wouldnt leave the house and over the course of 1 year i recoverd and im now kool * but hate drugs* I dont want to talk about leonies upbringing as its not my place, she came from the same sort of bacground but unfortunitly her mother passed away at the young age of 11, and her father lives in scotland *hench the reason for her living with her brother who kicked her out at 15* .... now im a bit more mature in life ( apparently) I love to work earn money, i drive have my own car, and im still currently living with my gran mother.. me and leonie have always had a dream of moving into our own place and settling down ( she even wants that NOW! after all the "tourte" i have put her through" I have told leonie about this disscusion board and i have asked her to join this conversation if its ok with you guys so she can give some input
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 February 2010):
Where is Leonie now, is she still with you or has she finally left you for someone else and refuses to see you?
What's your relationship with Lauren, are you still seeing her, are you still running back between her and Leonie? What dose Lauren think of you, dose she know that you keep seeing Leonie?
What was your relationship like with your parents, how was your childhood, what was it like growing up? How did you feel about yourself at school? What was your parents marriage like?
WELL DONE, VERY WELL DONE.. Your not the total sicko that I thought you were at first. You were frightening me when you told me what you had done. Thank you for being so honest, thank you for defending Leonie on this board when people have tried to put her down, she dosen't deserve that at all. I know you've hurt her and changed her to the insecure woman she is now. I also know you are coming here for us to "beat you up". Your sorry for what you done, and now you are "torturing" yourself and you want us to help give out the judgement, the sentance and the punishment.
JUDGEMENT: You have acted wickedly for reasons that neither you or us know. You have hurt someone dreadfully and it's spoilt her life.
SENTENCE: The rest of your life
PUNISHMENT: To find out why you acted like this, to understand why you did this and to stop it from happening again. To learn more about yourself and grow wiser and find some happiness. To forgive yourself for your actions and the things that you have done. To be happy eventually, to be the good man that you can be, to eventually end up loving and being loved. To enter on a course of counselling and with professional help learn from the experience and go on to never do it again.
You've admitted you are guilty of unkindness, and you are willing to pay by sorting things out. Appologise to Leonie will come in time when you can explain to her what happened and why you done what you done.
You've made three very large steps, that must have been very hard for you.
1. You came here and told strangers your story. You didn't blame anyone but yourself. You may have hidden some stuff, but on the whole you have been very painful honest. You've admitted your mistakes and asked for help.
2. You've listened to harsh criticisms and taken advice without trying to minimize your bad behaviour or blame it on someone else.
3. You've taken our advice, you haven't wasted time, you've made an appointment to see your doctor, you've reached out and asked for help. Tell the doctor, that your cruel actions have surprised you, and you need help to move on with your life. Tell him how confused you are about how you acted and tell him about the harassment and obsessive behaviour (won't leave her alone, continue to hurt her for no reason, can't stop thinking about her, can't move on) Hopefully he will see what I see, a man who is desperate to understand and change his ways.
Good luck and blessings.. :)
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male
reader, 25225649 +, writes (11 February 2010):
25225649 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI Understand that i have been emotionaly abusing my girlfreind i really do i i feel 100% responsible for my actions, to be blunt.. i have been a bastard but i just want to fix it, i really love leonie and i want to have a fantastic life with her, so i am taking the steps to fix my issuse's i have an appointment with my docotor first thing monday and im going to request i see sombody who can help my with theese problems.
If it makes any diffrence leonie is the only person who i have ever been like this with,, EVER.. i mean when we broke up first time around i got with girls and i was never angry or jelious or anything like i am with leonie, im not trying to wave the blame to her but im just curious as to why im only like that with leonie....
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female
reader, Kassi (Nova)  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 2 years ago I got out of a relationship with a guy who
1) Cheated on me
2) Put me in the hospital
3) Continued to cheat on me while I was there
4) Didn't even tell my family I was there, even when my heart stopped
5) Kicked me out before I got home with nowhere to go
I was with him for 6 years. I've only ever been in that position once. And you know what? I had to stop calling, I had to stop seeing him, I had to be pretty self-interested for awhile, and just ride it out. It sucked every day for a really long time. Eventually it fades. Go out with friends. Have a smoke (if you do), have a drink (if you do- just don't binge drink like an alcoholic), talk to someone. Go to a movie.
My way of coping was distracting myself until I realized that I didn't care anymore. I'm not suggesting it will work for you, but it did for me.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 February 2010):
The fact that you have not physically hit her does not mean that you're not abusing her emotionally, you know. All this controlling and micro-managing her daily life,. looking through her phone records, making her smash her laptop, telling her who she can and can not have on facebook; your anger and jealousy - all this qualifies as abuse, no question about it.
Between the two of you have formed a very sick, distorted relationship. She's messed up - and even if she isn't technically an alcoholic, "drinking all the time" is pretty damn close to crossing the line in addiction.
I strongly urge you to find a good counselor, someone you can feel comfortable enough with to talk openly and honestly, and who you will LISTEN to as you explore together these extremely difficult issues, and the steps you can take to overcome them.
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A
female
reader, Kassi (Nova) +, writes (11 February 2010):
This is an easy one for me. I think you need to figure yourself out. I mean, you start off by saying you were with a control freak who had a thumb on all aspects of your life and that she made a fool out of you, and your story then devolves into you being that way towards someone else.
I hope you realize that you have become the control freak, and Leonie is the one you're making a fool out of. The relationship is unhealthy, you do terrible things to each other, and are either of you accomplishing anything? Are you even happy?
I think that your life got awfully complicated way too early in life. Be on your own, honestly, and for a long time. I would encourage seeing a counselor, and I would concentrate on doing things to improve yourself and how you feel about yourself, and finding some personal success.
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male
reader, 25225649 +, writes (11 February 2010):
25225649 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a few comments for the guys who are talking about leonie and saying she is cheating.. clearly you have not read the information correctly...
1, Leonie does not cheat on me (as far as im aware)
2, She is not/has no been an alcoholic ( she drank weekends only but to a point of no return)
3. i have never physicly hurt leonie ( with hands/fists/feet) etc etc
"ou don't seem pleased unless she is unhappy and crying. THIS IS ONE OF THE WORSE CASES OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE I HAVE EVER READ." Belive me i agree i have an emotional problem but i dont like to see leonie cry. it saddens me and i really dont like like her to be upset, i love seeing her happy ... Honest
As for the rest of the comments i appriciate your time you have taken to help me on my road to recovery.. i will go and see a doctor who mabies can help me...
Please keep commenting they are all very helpful! xx
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Honestly dude, I think you need to see a counsellor or a psychiatrist, they may really be able to help you with these destructive behaviours that you seem to have developed over the years. I cant really see this relationship working... ever. You're only with each other because you get something from her that you dont get from other girls... and I really dont think its love, comfort or familiarity maybe? Power? Dominance? Sex? But not love... you wouldnt do these things to her if you truly loved her. Please get help dude, this is beyond online peer help. Best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): she is kind of moving past you, but she still holds on. just from what you've written here, i can see that you've hurt her very deeply. she's taken many different paths to express that hurt and that jadedness that comes from falling in love with a guy and being treated like cattle by him.
the truth is you don't own her, and even if you lose her, you need to learn how to treat a girl you love with respect. you don't 'own' anyone. we're not living in tribal times where women were traded like cattle or sheep. sorry, i'm not trying to be rude, but it's a mistake to treat someone like you own them.
you obviously fear losing her, and fear her damaging your inflated sense of self (ego). but fear of loss and love are not neccessarily the same thing. abusing someone doesn't equate to love. if you could forget your selfishness and see her as an individual worthy of respect, then i'd say you are expressing your love. in abusing someone, mentally or physically, you are expressing your fear, not your love. and there are so many reasons to fear losing someone...not just love.
some women go through a painful phase void of judgement after a bad relationship. i don't know if this is permanent for her, but it is the current reality. it seems you two have so much baggage that it isn't salvageable any more to a sane point.
i know what it's like to feel attached to and 'love' someone like they're irreplaceable. truth is that no one is replaceable, but we can find new people that hit the spot in a different but equally good way.
no matter if you stay with her or not, you desperately need to seek counseling for your own issues. not all guys who love a chick treat her like you've treated this girl. playing head games isn't a norm in all relationships, and they can be highly destructive to both people. the need you have to control, amongst other things, needs to be addressed. your problem i do believe goes way deeper than something that can truly be dealt with thoroughly on dear cupid. you should seek professional help with this, and that's not an insult, but a reality that you need to live with for your sake at least, and the sake of this girl or other future partners you might have...
i'm not going to specifically try to address why she's acting like this (promiscuity, etc) on here, because you asked about yourself and not why she's acting like this...and before you worry about her and what she's doing now, it really seems like you should worry about yourself and your own conduct first.!.!.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): I think you should:
1. Get counseling for a few months
2. Finish your undergraduate degree
3. Complete a master's degree
4. Work out every day
5. Commit to living honestly in all actions; make every word you say immaculate
6. Take the correct medications, sleep eight hours a day, and never abuse alcohol or any substance.
7. After your masters degree get a job that contributes something viable and honorable to society.
8. Consider a committed relationship after your soul is whole; without pain or resentment, and your sight is fixed on a bright future.
9. Promise yourself you will only have honest and productive friendships.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (11 February 2010):
alright...i got the idea. you definitely are in a relationship that isn't healthy for either of you; can you NOW tell that she's not right for you!? there's nothing there for you, she doesn't respect you as she is cheating, and you definitely didn't respect her in the past as you harassed her and manipulated and controlled her. just make a pro and con list...this is what i'm coming up with:
PRO:
-it's leonie, cmonnnn, no one else is right for me out there (which is just a way to say, leonie is a safe choice/ a nice fallback for me)
-we've been through a lot (but mostly dysfunctional stuff..)
CON:
-she chronically cheats, which hurts my pride and our relationship and possibly my body (STDs??!)
-she is not stable, possibly alcoholic?
-she doesn't respect me as a partner as she goes around with other guys, if i'm the only one she wants why is she with other people
-she makes me into a jealous raving lunatic and FORCE HER TO DESTROY HER OWN PROPERTY- should probably look into paying several hundred dollars for that, buddy
i could go on, but you guys have BOTH gotten in the habit of taking advantage of each other. because you two have SUCH a long history, it may feel like you are..in something deep, but it's not love, i don't see love here, i see obsession, control, and confused, broken people. It seems to me she may need some kind of counseling, for the alcohol abuse, for all these one night stands, for her rough past. if you want it to work, my last effort would be to go to couples counseling, but i honestly don't see it working out, you've tried to make it work for so long past its expiration, it's beating a dead horse.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 February 2010):
Damn!!!! This is one of the sickest relationship that has ever appeared on DC. This is not love, it's a form of destruction, torture and abuse. I see one of you ending up dead, probably her, these kind of mental games are torture and could lead to a nervous breakdown or suicide.
WHY, WHY, WHY????? Why are you treating her this way? Do you know the definition of torture.. here it is, this is what you are doing to this young women...
"..any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as ..... punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him....
—UN Convention Against Torture[1]
Yuu play with her, like a predator plays with it's prey. You want to destroy her totally, and that's why you do this... Children????? Just how sick are you? You can't have children, your a very dangerous man. A mother that is abused like this can't have children and bring them up safely.
"we had a pritty good relationship until i seemed to realise that i could push her around and be the " BOSS " and if something didn't go my way i would get angry with her and tell her i was going to leave her and as soon as i said that to her she would do as my command"
Torture, your behaviour is sickening, you are the commander, and she's your little slave. You don't seem pleased unless she is unhappy and crying. THIS IS ONE OF THE WORSE CASES OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE I HAVE EVER READ.
Now she's messed up. She was already having problems, "she has came from not the best of upbrinings and is a bit tough".. she turned to you, and instead of making her safe, you have totally destroys her. Now she drinks too much, and sleeps with anyone, she no longer has any respect for herself, she doesn't think she is worth anything.
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE THIS GIRL TO COMMIT SUICIDE? THIS IS PURE EVIL.
Please go and see a counsellor, your a very sick person and you are dangerous around women, especially dangerous to this poor girl. You've already broken her, so leaving her alone won't help repair the damage, this girl is already probably slowly trying to kill herself. She desperately, desperately needs to see a counsellor, I am very afraid for her safety and mental health.
Your a little man, who had a little bit too much power, and instead of being kind and showing empathy, you've turned into a torturer and a monster. You and her both need to get help to stop this destructive relationship.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 February 2010):
Yep.. It's long one.. (Miamine goes off to make tea and have a cigarette)
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 February 2010):
What a mess. You had a relationship with one girl and she had a baby. Where are you now in relation to the child you fathered? Do you ever see him/her? Do you take an active part in your child's life, support his mother financially? Even if you are no longer in a relationship with the mother, you still have an obligation to your son or daughter.
As for Leonie, well, it all sounds very complicated and troubled. You admit that you get extremely jealous and feel the need to control almost every detail of her life. Remember: she got a restraining order on you at one time because it all became way too much. You are evidently not an easy person to be around - in fairness, it does not seem as if Leonie is either - and you obviously have a poor self-image. If you had more respect for yourself, you wouldn't feel the need to be so controlling.
You did, however, look after your grandmother when she was ill, and that's very good.
Personally, (and you might not want to hear this) my recommendation would be to stay away from Leonie and other women and work on sorting yourself out, and seeing if you can learn to lighten up and be more relaxed, more able to be at peace with yourself and others.
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