A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am not really sure I want to be writing for advice. Reality is, the more people discourage me, the more strongly I feel they are wrong.I am completely aware of how unlogical everything is about to sound. Something I have had a hard time facing is why I can not make logical sense of the way I feel. Yes, we never met in person. Yeah, he has had quite the past... But all I have is this strong and undeniable feeling for him.April 12, 2009. My cousin met what would be his friend in combat medical training. To make it short, we ended up having a phone based relationship. I literally have broken down walls and barriers so that he could get to know me better. However, I found things about myself that I would have been happy never knowing. I made myself more emotionally receptive to all that would come next. Instead of what I had intended, for him to get close to me, and know me for who I was, he was dealing with his own problems. Mean time, I was falling in love and I didn't want to believe it... It took me a few months and him to stop talking to me to realize how much I do truly love him.Basically, understand... He, at this time, was in medical combat training- a rigorous academic and physical program of the army. He was sick with mono, bronchitis, and impacted wisdom teeth. He also was dealing with emotional and financial stress from back home. We were still in the process of getting to know eachother... But we texted all day and phone cuddled all night. Traded pictures and laughs.He is so beautiful. It is so amazing how much hearing his voice would seem as if he were honestly there before me. As far as my mind is concerned, he was.Basically, the stress maxed him out. He got so angry and I think I pushed him to talk about it blew him up to stop talking to me. It hurt. I cried 2-5 times a day for two months. I am in love with him.Eventually I decided that I was still going to wait. I tried, I honestly tried to move on. But it just didn't feel right... I can't honestly see someone else in my future. And even merely enjoying someone else company seemed like cheating.Finally my bf called me. He was leaving airborne training for his permanent duty station. In the time we hadn't spoke, he got sick again and hurt his shoulder.He apologized, I cried in joy. He admitted his love for me... And in the next month, we planned our future. How we would make this relationship work. Letters, visits, R and R, skyping, etc. He was truly making an effort! He planned when we would meet. He got a new laptop with a camera. He even said he planned on not upping his contract when it was completed so we could settle down. He implied marriage and children.Then he got sick... again. This time it was more sleep deprivation. And the more sleepness nights he had, the more he thought about how he was 'losing' himself, because the army had changed him. His thing was always worrying if he could be a 'good enough' man/bf to me. He let his past take a toll on him. I understood he would need to heel, but he just kept a lot in...Anyways, I could see him distancing himself again... letting the stress overtake him. Finally he just stopped talking to me. For three months I waited. Then I took all my xmas and birthday money to take a road trip 16hrs south of me (MA) to him (GA). My friend drove. When we got there, I realized there was no way I was getting on base. So I called him on my friends phone, because he wont answer my calls. He said he was too busy to see me because he worked til 3am and then needed to pack to be transfered to SC. I don't if he meant he was literally changing duty stations or he was going to predeployment training. But he hung up on me. I took it like he let me go... I couldn't go through with this anymore.Well it will be a month tomorrow since I was in GA. And its been 4 months since I have waited. And I know most of you will think "why do you want to be with someone that has put you through this?" or "he clearly shows he doesn't want to be with you". I understand that! As I have said, logically, nothing makes sense! I know he has feelings for me. I know he loves me. I know when he is stressed out he legit maxes himself out and shuts people out. Maybe right now just isn't a good time. But I don't FEEL right. I FEEL like there is anyone else. I don't even know how to stress this to you, that spiritually, cosmically, he is just the one. Not because i want to 'believe' he is. I just... feel it.I love him. I feel like my future still has him in it. I cry all the time... It has been months and I am still not over this. Doesn't that show anything?Well, I am thinking of writing him a letter. I only have his address to the GA station, perhaps if he did literally transfer, they will forward his mail. But I am scared... I want what I have to say be simple. To encourage him we can work through this. To prove that I love him. And that I made a promise, and I never break promises- I would wait, i would be there even in the darkest times.I know some of you may say, he doesn't feel the same, he found someone else, or why be with someone with so much baggage or emotional stress, army men are no good. I don't know. But I do know there are a lot of personal things about him that I would never dare post on a website. I know that there are a lot to this story I can't put into detail. But if you could just believe me, i know it seems i was the one really only in the relationship, but he was too maybe more! Actually, definatly more.I am just not sure what to do... I don't if writing him is a good idea. Or although I strongly feel he will make his way back to me, I obviously am scared he wont. Ugh... whats wrong with me. ='(Skeptics, go away!PS. I have visited two psychics. One before I met him, who infact predicted him in my life to the T! She said marriage and two kids, first a boy. When I met him, I saw another psychic because I was floored by the accuracy of the first psychic. The second psychic had predicted everything about his past exactly. She then predicted a lot of things about our future, all of which have happened... She, too, said marriage, two kids, and our first was a boy. Also, as a child, I used to dream of who my future lover would be. He had brown eyes, dark curly hair, and a gotee. Well, my (bf) doesnt have curly hair or a gotee. He is in the army, so how would I know? Then he showed me a photo of himself before the army. I swear to god, it was the exact image I saw when I was a kid.Blah.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): My heart truly goes out to you as I am in a similar situation and I know exactly what you are going through.
I have to say that the replies you have received so far have been wise and sensible. Yes, you should keep faith that he is the one for you, but at the same time you have to live your life.
Keep him in the background of your mind and hopefully he will return to you. If it is meant to be, then he will be the one.
Very best of luck and I sincerely hope he realises what an idiot he is being and decides to returns to you - let's hope my true love does the same! :-)
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 February 2010):
 I'm sorry, but you seem to have pinned a lot of hopes and basically built a fantasy relationship about a man you have never met in person (excuse me if I'm mistaken in saying you've never met face to face).
Finally, when he hadn't contacted you in three months, you put together all your birthday and Christmas money to take an extremely long road trip and when youi got to the base he basically refused to talk to you (aside from saying he couldn't see you) and then hung up on you. (Apparently you had tried calling him during the past three months but he wouldn't answer your calls).
He may not be communicating with you, but it seems to me he's sending you a very clear message by his silence.
You have convinced yourself that "cosmically, spiritually, he's the one." You want to write a letter because "I made him a promise and I never break promises." True, he MIGHT have made you a promise at one time, but apparently he's changed his mind. I don't know if you told him you consulted two psychics, but personally he could find it a little off-putting - all that intensity.
You tell us he's very stressed. Well, anyone can be stressed but if you really care for someone you will at least them know that this is why they may not contact you quite so much. In his case I get the impression that everything he was dealing with just became far too much, and he withdrew.
Why don't you NOT write to him, or call him. Just let it go and try to figure out why you have such a need to hang on to a man you haven't met? By the way, that's the thing with online/long-distance relationships, even talking on the phone, exchanging photos, it's not actually real until you meet, begin dating on a regular basis and really get to know one another, good points and bad. It may SEEM real, but in fact it's more a castle-in-the-air sort of thing.
In conclusion, try to put him out of your mind, get into activities you enjoy, you family, friends, job. Take a day trip somewhere you've always wanted to visit. See if he contacts you and makes definite arrangements to meet. If he does not, and this is still troubling you to this extent, you might want to try talking to a counsellor to help deal with it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 Others have focused on the body of your post, so I will just throw some stuff in about the psychic prediction part.
I have absolutely zero doubt about psychic ability, ..what I do doubt tho is whether many of the people claiming to be of a proficiency where it would be acceptable (imo) to charge money for a service are actually competent enough to provide an accurate service.
Having studied psychic ability and mediumship (both theory and practical) for many years you not only come to recognize good solid evidence from a generalization, (the difference between a bullseye and 'making' info fit - and most people can make most things 'fit' if they want to) .... that EVERYONE has free will and that therefore NO prediction EVER can be considered to be set in stone - it can change as simply as turning left instead of right, .... and perhaps more importantly, how info can be repeated to a person over and over and not even be remotely accurate.
Tall, dark, handsome, (for example) is NOT a solid identification of a person. How many men could fit that description? A name, nickname, occupation, sport, pet, events in their life, something specific like that attached to it and then we might be getting somewhere. Were you given that sort of detail? I would also expect that sort of info to be given accurately about my own life (precise - not general) before even considering buying in to the possibility of believing something said about abother person that at the time you can not possibly verify as accurate or not. If they can't be spot on with the person they are reading for, then there is no reason at all to assume they will be on the money with the things you can't prove or disprove right then. Good psychics will often not want to send people home with a 'doggy bag' of info, and if they do, it will be small compared to what they verified on the spot already. Shonky psychics will often just tell you about the future , or supposed past lives, and imo oft do so because they can never be told they are wrong on the spot,...and if it is a past life will never be verified or disporoved, and if it is the future they can use the free will/nothing in concrete fact to also retreat from having to actually demonstrate any accuracy. Too blooming easy, too pumping to the ego if they wanna lie to themselves, and too opportunistic to rip people off with if they were so inclined - or even if they just are genuine in believing themselves despite nothing to back it.
Predictions, ..can NEVER be verified accurate UNLESS they actually happen so you really need to take them with a grain of salt. I have had many detailed one's come true and made me just about fall over backwards, .. but I have had quite a lot not even remotely in the ball park too. As a psychic you can feel within yourself an absolute knowing that something is accurate, ... (othertimes it might just be waffling off whatever your getting coming to you - that may still be accurate - but does not have that kick in the pants 100% unquestionably right no if's or but's feel to it) , but that is subjective only to the person feeling it, ..and we can never objectively sit there and know what kind of feeling is coming to the psychic when opening their mouth - therefore we can't even realistically rely on that when recieving info either. A good/moral psychic tho should tell you that they see possibilities, not definates when it comes to the future. They should also not want you putting too much stock in to their comments, not wanting you to live your life by their word waiting for things to happen, and certainly would not want to tell you anything that may interfere with your own free will by causing you to alter anything you would have normally done had they never said a word.
The other issue that can trip up a psychic up is obtaining info and not always knowing whether to attribute it to something that might happen, or if they are simply picking up on your own thoughts and desires, ..or even info literally implanted in to your aura (the human energy field the info is imprinted in to) by another person. You may want a tall dark handsome man, marriage and 2 kids, ..and that is why it is being picked up - your desire is there to be tapped in to. Or, ... One person might have been telling you any old shit to make you feel happy and walk out thinking it was a great reading, and in doing so, put that in to your mind, it got imprinted to your aura, ...and then all the psychics subsequent to that can pick it up, but can not neccessarily distinguish that it was bogus in the first place.
One thing a lot of psychics agree upon tho, is that it is extremely difficult to sense things accurately for themselves because all their own idea's, hopes, desires, etc, are already in their subconscious and distinguishing those thoughts arising from being one's own, to being just energetically out there is almost impossible to do most of the time. So, whilst I wont discount just knowing things about to come to our own lives, and have had thinngs smack me in the head often enough to know I would be silly to write it off completely, ..again tho we have to be wary when interpreting for ourselves. Just something to keep in mind with you own belief that you will be with this man. Also keep in mind, even if you seen him in your minds eye prior, that whilst that may be totally legit, it still does not mean you are 100% going to marry him, you may have seen him simply because he was going to feature so strongly for you, even if only in passing.
Anyway, I hope that was not too skeptical for you, ... I probably have more belief in this stuff than most people (I actually consider it a knowing - not a faith/belief ) but as someone who has trained in this field, studied theory and science behind it, given and gotten more readings than I could poke a stick at, and could fill books with stories about amazing evidence, I am also very discerning and have not got my head in the sand about all the less than evidential practicses going on giving the good one's a bad name. At the end of the day, I am just being realisitic about what can be expected and questioned in this field and trying to enlighten you to it too.
I guess just go back over what was said to you initially and see if there were absolute specifics in the info, ..and even then, ..dont ignore free will and presume it can be no other way. Maybe you will marry and have kids with a guy just as described, ...but he just ain't this guy! Possible huh?
Stop holding on to this so tightly, it is interfering in your day to day life and making you miserable. If you have faith it was meant to be, then ya know what, chill out, get on with life, and if that is the case, then it will happen eventually and no ned to dwell on it and put life on hold in the mean time. Perhaps part of it coming to fruition 'if that is destined' no matter what, is that you go about your life as normal in order to put the peices in to place to allow for that to happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): okay for the record, i know it came off obsessional- i thought that might happen, but when writing it i thought it would sound so unlogical no one would believe my feelings so i was trying to make that point clear.
also, i agree with you both... i wrote this at a very emotional time. most of the time, i hardly think about it. i do live my life, making friends and experiencing some things. i just some days feel ridiculously incomplete.
i have thought honestly to myself each of the things you have described, such as i have worried that i might think all of this just because the psychics say, trying to fit him into the picture they have painted. i'm not entirely sure, but i know that i always am (and times have to try) to be honest with myself...
i suppose only time will tell...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your plight, genuinely I am. Love is fickle and unkind but at the same time beautiful and life affirming. By your post I can tell you have a romantic soul and I find it reassuring that there are people such as yourself out there. What I'm about to say is in no way intended to sound insensitive or skeptical, it is just my opinion from the the information you've given me, do with it what you will.
I am not a skeptic as far as psychics etc are concerned I am what you would call agnostic for want of a better word. I neither believe fully or disbelieve completely, I certainatly don't think it is a viable way to justify your destiny with this person come what may. Is it not entirely possible that (regardless of whether the future was predicted or not) you may be fitting this man in to the picture the psychics painted for you? Everyone does this sort of thing at some point especially when they are so steadfast in there beliefs as you seem to be. Our minds tend to do this as a sort of defence mechanism when our beliefs are challenged, in your case your unwavering belief that this man is supposedly your "soulmate".
You seem infatuated by this man, your post confirms it to me, you have explained at length the things that were hindering him from phoning you and although there may be more to his ailments than what you have posted here, none sound so dehabilitating that he couldn't phone you. To me it sounds as though he isn't sure exactly what he wants and as such is (hopefully unintentionally) sending you on this emotional rollercoaster which I am sure you don't deserve.
If you'll excuse me for saying this, your post has a hint of obsession about it, I speak from experience. It can make you feel as if you would rather die than not be with this person, but sadly that is not the only component of love as I have come to understand it. There has to be happiness, respect, trust and above all honesty for it to be love. I think you need to speak to him about how you are feeling (toned down a bit of course) but more importantly I think you need to take some time for yourself. If every waking moment is filled up by this voice at the end of a telephone line then what is left of yourself. You are just as important as this man. A wise man once said "you cannot truly love someone unless you can love yourself".
Just have a think about your relationship and whether YOU think something bigger could happen, emotions aside. It is completely possible he loves you, but it is also possible he is confused and unsure. Alot of men are like this.
Basically I think you really need to stop using phychics and your emotions to guide your actions and start speaking to impartial people like friends, family or, failing that, a professional. You are still young and I wish you all the best, don't let your life pass you by over a man, ask him directly for the answers you seek, speak to your friends and family for advice things will become clearer to you. Also, don't try and force this to work just because you believe it will, because it may not and I'm not saying this to be cruel I am trying to stop you from setting yourself up for a massive fall. Find some perspective by talking to people.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 Hi.
It could be that this guy is 'the one' if you believe that each person has only one person they can have true love and a deep connection with. I personally believe from my experience that there are people who you have an intense connection with, but essentially you make that relationship into the one. You make it work. And it takes two to tango.
Although I dont disbelieve psychics, I have had some interesting readings in the past, you must remember that you are in charge of your destiny. Just because a psychic predicts something doesnt mean it will happen exactly or that you cant influence things. Also as psychics are human they will make mistakes. So I would always take their readings with a pinch of salt and not fixate too much on what they say will happen. Focus on your present.
It's obvious you guys had a really special relationship and you cared very deeply about each other. I know it must be hard for you as you are hanging, waiting to hear from him. You are stuck because you cant be with him but you cant move on with your life because you are waiting for him to contact you.
Here's what I think. If this guy truely is the one for you, you have to believe he will come back for you. Otherwise he cant be the one, because if he is the guy from your dream who you are meant to have 2 kids with, he will have to at some point come back to you. If you belive this, you must keep faith.
But you cant carry this in the forefront of your mind and live your life. You have to keep him in the back of your mind and just believe that if he is right, when the time is right, he will come back into your life. You cant force it to happen if he needs to be on his own at this time. He hasnt been answering your calls. Whatever reason he has for this he clearly does not want to or is not ready to speak to you at this time. He might just need to go through something on his own at the moment.
Perhaps writing to him would be helpful so that you can let him know you will be there for him if and when he is ready to be with you again. Also this might help so you can gain closure on the past with him, so that you can carry on with your life now.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here :) I'm not trying to be a skeptic or be negative, im tryin to be realistic and to help you see the way I see it. I wish you the best and if he is your one, I hope it works out.
I hope this is helpful for you :)
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