A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. I love him to death and I let him know it. We live together with my son from a previous relationship and he is an amazing father figure. But the re-occurring issue in our relationship is his involvement with his ex-girlfriend. He was with her on and off for ten years, and had been broken up with her for a year before we started dating. We've fought about it before and for the most part he's told me "I'll end it, I don't want this to ruin our relationship, She's a crazy person, I choose us." They still talk constantly on the phone, email, text, everything. I calmly told him how uncomfortable it makes me, how I feel disrespected when he manages to make time for her when our relationship is in upheaval. He's response is to get hostile, use profanity and walk away. He told me that he will never end their friendship and that he see's nothing wrong since they're not sleeping together. Meanwhile, I'm wondering if a stand-still in communication and an emotional affair is something I can live with. He says I'm being childish and dramatic. Do I have cause to be upset with him?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 February 2010):
All his very callous responses, such as calling you silly, getting hostile and telling you that you're childish are a very good indication that he is still emotionally attached to her. So decide whether you want to be second best to him, or something far more important to another guy.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Yes, you do have cause to be upset with him. He respe
Notwithstanding the fact that he is not sleeping with her, he is clearly involved emotionally and not really over their breakup. This is still cheating; he should be putting that amount of energy into yours and his relationship.
I mean, it would be one thing if he had had a child with her and he would then have a responsibilty to stay in touch and offer emotional/financial support in the raising of said child. But this is not the case. Incidentally, does YOUR ex contribute to the upkeep of his son?
As things stand, I could see him having a brief phone conversation with his ex say, once a month. At most, and for a short time only, gradually tapering off.
You have let him know how you feel about this close contact and he is obviously not prepared to change his behavior.
Now you have to decide what its worth to continue putting up with this treatment, or whether you want to give him an ultimatum - if he doesn't cease and desist, then either he goes, or you do (depending on whose apartment it is where you both live).
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