A
female
age
30-35,
*eanneBabiee'
writes:People are telling me i'm Crazy ! Im 15 and planning to have a baby ? My boyfriend and i been together for about 1 year and Two Months. He tells me he Loves me and he will never Leave me.We been having intercourse since we meet. Now we both want to plan a baby !i know ima struggle, but i hope i can get through this. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Listen, I was in your same EXACT situation, my boyfriend and I dated for a year and wanted to have a baby, at 16, he told me all those promises about how much he will love and be there for the baby and be there for me, when my emotions are going crazy and my hormones are sky high that he will just sit there and run my stomach, just ease me and love me, not fight back whenever I started screaming for no reason.
Let me tell you that sure as hell aint true. I am 17 now and pregnant, accidentally, in a sense we dont use any type of protection not even pulling out because we had the mindset that what happens happens, if we are meant to have a child we are meant to have a child and it is unnatural to deny this child a life for any reason, it is meant to be. I am very much about fate. It took me two years to get pregnant, even before we wanted a child we still didnt use protection, and honestly things have turned around completely.
He never calls me, never sees me, I speak to him once a week if I'm lucky because he's too busy out doing drugs and getting drunk and going to clubs, never letting me know where he is going and never calling to check up.
Listen, my doctor told me this, guys mature a lot slower than girls, my boyfriend said he was ready and he wanted it when he found out we where expecting, he still denies it and says we have to put it up for adoption and all those things. It seems all nice and happy now but his attitude will more than likely change when it actually happens, it is a shocking thing to go through at first especially at a young age, speaking from experience. His feelings are on and off about it constantly.
Have fun! Enjoy your life while you can! You have all your lives to raise a child, why throw your childhood away now when it is just at it's peak?? Trust me enjoy being young while you can, the responsibilities of growing up are not fun at all, I grew up very young, I'm out of school trying to go to college, working to pay for it and my car and an apartment AND aa baby on top of that at only 17 years old, it is not fun and makes me wish I would have taken advantage of my youth when I had the chance.
A
female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Ok, peoples main concern is that you're 15 - which is true, you're still very young.
However, what you also need to think about is the responsibility of having a baby. It's not easy, you're still in school.
You and your boyfriend may love each other now, but what about the future? The it may not last forever, and having a baby won't help that, it'll make it worse.
You say you have been together for a year and two months, but is that really long enough?
I know someone who has been out with a guy for about a year and it didn't work out, they loved each other but she didn't like the responsibility of having a boyfriend yet (this is 16) and that was without a baby.
Have you considered the concequences?
You will have to drop out of school
Your social life will be, basically, non-existant
Money worries
Hardly any sleep
Exhaustion
Many adults with children suffer from postnatal depression
Also, is your boyfriend only agreeing to wanting a baby to keep you happy? What if he decides he's not ready to be a father and you're already pregnant?
Or if you're already pregnant and you decide your not ready to be a mother?
There are so many concequences, not just for you, but a baby is a human life. Are you ready to give up your own to take care of someone elses?
It won't be easy.
Is it fair on the baby if you're not ready?
You really have to think. Yes there are many people who have had children and your age, maybe a bit older or younger but, if you know anyone, would they reccomend having a child so young?
Yes they might love them and not imagine being without them now, they're lucky. But would they recommend it?
I'm sorry I may seem like I'm being harsh right now, but there are so many things to be considered. You're only thinking of right now, you're not thinking about the future, or the hardship of what will come.
Don't be so quick to do something that is inevitabley life-changing.
Hope this helps,
Good Luck x
...............................
A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I know people are giving a lot of reasons.
But the biggest reason is just that you are 15. You are still a baby. :) I know it doesn't feel it because your body is changing so much, but you have no idea how young you really are. Stay young girl!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): I'm sorry but you are stupid to believe if you can have a baby at 15. Well if you do have the baby all I can say is GOOD LUCK! Your life will be hell!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 February 2010):
 Wait a moment.. your 15... isn't your boyfriend in danger of going to jail, or ending up on the "sex protection register" for having sex with an under-aged child?
And Tanya2010, there is a big difference between having a child at 15, and having one at 18. At 18, you legal status is different, you can't be put into care, and you are able to leave school and get a full time job.... It's also selfish to have a child, then expect your parents and friends to look after it and you. That doesn't make you a responsible mother, that makes you someone who can't cope, and lets other people do the hard work.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 February 2010):
Your gonna struggle, what about the baby. YOU want a child, but dose a child want you. First your too young, so the risk of premature birth, an underweight child, and various other things are very high. Two, you can't work, so your child will have to go without a lot of stuff..
Yeah, it'll be hard alright. Many guys say they love you, but when there's no money, a baby crying all night, nowhere decent to live, no spare time, and a young mother who goes off sex, well many young men don't stick around for long. It's easier to find a woman without a baby, who can go out with them, and isn't tired and worrying all the time.
You want a child. But when your child is older, he or she will feel ashamed by your lack of education and their poverty. If you love children, you will do everything in your power to make life good for them. Get a job, save some money, finish your schooling. Give your child a mother they can be proud off.
Children are like dogs, you can't get rid of them after Christmas. They don't stay babies for long. By the time they are 18months they are walking and talking. By the time they are 4years old, they are screaming because you can't buy them stuff, and they will swear they hate you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): different day, same question. not too many people here are going to tell you to just go on out and make yourself a baby.
you are young and you have lots of time in the future to do this. this probably isn't the right time for you yet.
why are you so eager to do this right now? have you asked yourself that? maybe you should help people out with their children, volunteer with some type of charity that helps little kids...hang out with other people's kids right now to satiate your need, and make some babies 5 or hopefully more years down the road once you are better educated and in more of a place to be employable and financially responsible.
how old is your boyfriend anyways, and what is his rush to impregnate a 15 year old? are you two trying to do it in order to stay together 'forever?' or is it something else?
...............................
A
female
reader, naoise  +, writes (6 February 2010):
You really need to think about this love... im not going to sit here and tell you not to do it and how stupid you are being because i wanted the exact same thing as you wen i was 15.. 3 of my close friends have had babys this year all were 17 and 18.. two of the boys stuck around but your not guarenteed that your boyfriend will.. just because he said that doesnt mean he will.. you need to be prepared to be a single mum and to do it alone and support the baby... im not going to say it will ruin your life because it wont.. it will bring a new life into the world and im sure you have a lot of love to give. before you actually go through with this you need to be postive that you will have support cuz you r guna need it my friends couldnt have got throught it without their friends or family.. Having a baby isnt goin to stop you from goin out or finishing school and getting a job thats jus stupid to say.. what it will do is slow it down and make it harder.. it isnt going to be easy.. A baby makes or breaks you.. you really need to think about it love... good luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You posted this question yesterday, I believe. You told us you have a brother five years older than you who has a baby and is having a hard time supporting his child.What ON EARTH are you thinking?! Can you not see - looking at your brother's experience - that to have a baby now is an extremely bad idea?You have NO guarantee, absolutely none, that your boyfriend would stay with you for the long haul and help raise a baby. As others have said, it takes a lot of time, money and attention, for at least the first twenty years. You are, I hope, still in school. What about preparing to get a decent job and start earning once you graduate?You are barely out of childhood yourself. Your body, mind and emotions are not ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood, no matter how much you may think you are.A baby NEEDS and DESERVES two loving parents. How in the heck do you think you are going to be able to provide the financial support a baby would need?How do you think your boyfriend could get a full-time job and then help with caring for a baby? You and he will most likely get sick and tired of being together and looking after your child, once the novelty has worn off - as it will - and you are faced with endless feedings, diaper changing, going to the pediatrician, dealing with getting very little sleep because you have to get up several times in the night to feed him or her? And doing it all by yourself.Unfortunately, if you are still living at home - and I suppose you are - your poor mother will be saddled with looking after her grandchild. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she would not enjoy being a grandmother, but the fact is it's the responsibility of THE PARENTS, and NOT the grandparents to look after a baby!THINK ABOUT IT young lady: your parents already raised you and your brother. They should not have to be burdened with looking after your baby, just because you cannot, or because you get tired (as you will) of not being able to get together to go clubbing, or hang out at the mall with your friends, or date other boys.You are very young: as you get older your ideas and thinking will change and you will mature.I STRONGLY advise you to do your best in school, graduate with good grades, get a job, or go on to college. Get a few years on you and get married, THEN you can think about having a baby!! WHY, oh why, are you so all-fired rushing to have one now?! DO NOT DO THIS!!!Finally, instead of having a baby, why not volunteer as a baby-sitter? That way you'll get an idea of what's involved in looking after a small one, plus earn a bit of pocket money.
...............................
A
female
reader, tanya2010 +, writes (6 February 2010):
The only thing I can tell you is that if you honestly think your guy's going to stick around once you get pregnant and have the baby? You're fooling yourself. Fifteen? Are you serious? So he says he'll stick around when you get pregnant/have the baby? Yeah, he might. For a while atleast. It doesn't matter what anyone on here says advice-wise because you two are going to do whatever you want anyway. You think having a baby is about dressing it up it in cute clothes and having everyone coo and coddle you for 9 months? And all your friends are going to envy you for having a baby right now? Yeah, well while your friends are getting jobs and having fun growing up and experiencing life, you'll be at home changing dirty diapers calling the daddy's cell wondering why he isn't answering your calls. Seriously, grow up. Both of you. I had to watch stuff like this go on most of time I was in highschool and rarely did the daddy stick around for the whole pregnancy. And quite a few times the dads soon denied being the father at all once the pregnancy was public knowledge. I hope someone can get through to you before you do end up pregnant and alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2010):
 Did you read my question to you? On this other thread you started? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/15-with-a-planned-pregnancy.html
I don't think you have really thought this all the way through. My suggestion is that you get a puppy first, for practice and THEN come back here in a few months after you've thought about it for a while.
I feel very sorry for your parents. They're the ones who are going to have to take care of things for you, support you financially, provide babysitting services. I'll bet they'd be very disappointed in you if they knew how selfish you are being.
Take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, james675 +, writes (6 February 2010):
Childish and selfish. Don't do this!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): If you want to have a baby young, then I would say that is your choice. I would start to plan, for it, finish school find yourself a job, somewhere to live, money in the bank that sort of thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sunnyboy_roxx  +, writes (6 February 2010):
Please,please for heaven's sake think with ur head...
Having a baby is not as easy as it sounds.Think in a broader way,
Can u give that baby the quality of life ur parents have given u?
Can u provide him with quality education??
What if ur bf leaves u after a year or so,!!
Honey, u ll ruin the life of both of u if u go ahead with ur baby thing....
Hope u ll understand..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): I agree with the first response, you'd need quite an amount of money to do this, and if this turns out to be a bad choice, you've got no chance to take it back! At the very least, just wait until you're older, sweetie, trust me, it just wouldn't work out.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 February 2010):
It's not as simple as having a baby. You then need to find $15,000 a year to support that baby, you need to make sure you have a safe home. You need to make sure you can provide it with a great education. This isn't just about having a baby. It#s about giving it a great life as well. Wait until you have lived for yourself and have a good career before you have a baby.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Why are you posting this again? People aren't going to change their anwsers just because you've reworded things. All the same replies apply here. Grown up and get an education. If you can't see how immature you are being by seriously considering having a baby then you REALLY shouldn't be doing it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): How are you going to pay for it or are you expecting to sponge off the taxpayer and expect the state to pay? You are too young to get any decent sort of job and your English seems to imply that you've got a fairly low level of education. Do let us know how you are going to support it financially.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): If you were sure about this, then i don't think you would be writing about it on a website like this. I don't mean to be in the same basket as everyone else, but this is not about calling you 'crazy'. This is about telling you to think this through very very carefully. Your boyfriend may never leave you, we can't know that, but it's not only about that.
You have SO much of your life ahead. So many wonderful and beautiful things to experience and enjoy and having a baby will not allow you that - not when you're 15. I'm 30 and still feel like there is so much I would love to do and achieve before taking on the responsibility of having a child. Think about it - when all your friends are out having fun, you'll be awake for the 100th night in a row breastfeeding! All your time, energy, money will be about this new baby.
At the same time, many couples face their toughest times when a baby arrives. It is stressful and exhausting and doesn't allow much time for fun and sex. I think if your boyfriend is as young as you, and probably still has raging male hormones, when you're 8 months pregnant or unable to have sex after giving birth because it still hurts.... that he may be looking elsewhere to fulfill his needs. Just some things to think about...
You're young! Enjoy being carefree!!
Good luck.
xo
...............................
A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 sweetheart you are not ready for such responsibility, lots of couples talk about that " I do and my boyfriend" but laugh enjoy the idea but wait each girl want baby this is so normal it's the mother feeling if i could call it. you said that your boyfriend told you he will never leave you, I tell you he will panic and he doesn't know what's behind days, he loves you alright so good but what if you got into problems put it in your mind how can you mother a baby and you are still a baby yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (6 February 2010):
Unless your bf has a good job how do you plan to support this baby? These things don't live on love alone. What is the rush to grow up at 15? You know your going to struggle and sure he says he will never leave you but how can you really know at this age. I'm 32 and I still have no way of knowing that the person I'm with will never ever leave me. What's a few years compared to a lifetime? Would you rather him leave you high and dry after you have a baby or before? In other words don't have his baby yet and see how long he will stick around. If he really loves you he will wait till he knows he can provide for you and this kid you are hoping for
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 February 2010):
You're crazy.
...............................
A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (6 February 2010):
There's a reason people are telling you that. Your body isn't even fully grown yet! Chances are both you and the baby will be much healthier if you wait a couple more years.
You need sleep and rest to grow both physically and mentally. Having a baby is gonna put a lot of strain and stress on you which could retard your development.
Having a baby sounds great, but think of all the things you will have to exchange for it: time spent with friends, getting a career, sex, sleep, saving money, and traveling.
...............................
A
female
reader, 2much +, writes (6 February 2010):
Dont do it qurl yu is way 2 yung not say that i know but havent probably got 2 experience life yu not quna have much teen life. And thats probably what he saying now in till that babys here. You should just focus on school. Some of my friends had babys and all there bf said im not guna leave itz fuckn hard . And year is not that long that can break so quick. . .just thinkn about it hard.k =]
...............................
|
